Help need advice

[redpaint]

i cut pretty deep a few days ago (not new for me but i really slacked on bandaging it properly), and one wound resulted in an infection + a need for stitches. i went to urgent care and they took care of it, but my dad is the policy holder of the insurance i had to use (couldn't afford paying out of pocket). the EOB from the clinic with the details of the procedure is going to be sent to him even though i'm now a legal adult. him finding out i relapsed terrifies me and it could damage our relationship a lot. in his mind, i've been clean for 7 years. and of course, i lied and denied any suicidal thoughts when i was at the clinic getting interrogated.

it's a possibility for me to call the insurance people and request for the EOB to be sent to my address. i'm not sure if i should do this or not, because
a) they could deny my request, and
b) i'd be going behind my dad's back and really hiding things from him again, which would make me feel like a piece of shit.

i've joined a group therapy thing for recovery, and i know i have the ability to recover on my own. i just don't want my dad knowing about it. but he could eventually find out even if i send the EOB to myself - then the consequence of me lying about it all would be a million times worse.

what's the best option here? should i hide it or just bite the bullet and tell him i had to use the health insurance for stitches? at the end of the day i just don't want our now healed relationship to get massively fucked up again. he doesn't know i'm struggling again, nor does anyone else in my life currently.

 

[cgrtt.brns]

im sorry you're struggling so much that you still feel the need to sh, but props to you for getting it seen to, ik hospitals can be very daunting.
obviously i have no idea how much this could affect your relationship with your dad and i dont know him or you personally, but i think in general being honest is probably the best move. as you said, he'll find out eventually, and the longer you keep it hidden the more stressful it will be for you and the bigger the bombshell will be for your dad if that makes sense? it's not your fault you're still struggling, and you shouldn't have to feel scared or ashamed to admit it to someone, especially your family, even though i know that is the case for a lot of people unfortunately.
maybe you could try listing the pros and cons of telling him beforehand, as well as the likelihood of him finding out in other ways and whether you telling him yourself would be better?
sorry if this wasnt helpful, i wish you the best in whatever you decide to do.

 

[Yuánfèn]

Well, as someone who was hidden many things through the years, big and small. It is true the truth comes out one way or another. And I don't want to assume things but by the sound of it it seems your dad cares and worries about you, so I'd suggest you be honest with him. I always have a hard time speaking about this kind of stuff, so if it helps you, perhaps you can write something to him? I find that during conversations sometimes is harder to think clearly and say everything you want and things can get heated, so I prefer writing everything I feel and then leaving the note or letter for the person, that way they have time to process what I wrote rather than just reacting emotionally. Was it easy for you to write this rather than speaking with someone? Maybe writing all this things to your dad can help keep the situation clear and under control. Just the little advice I can offer, but hope everything goes well, take care.

 

[olearius]

I'm sorry you've relapsed and are hurting so deeply right now.

It seems very much like you love your dad and your relationship with him is very important to you. And with you considering being honest, I think there is a part of you that knows that is the way to express the value of your relationship with him. You don't want to lie because you don't want to hurt him.

So, do you think lying would hurt him directly, more than say, the fact that you're hurting deeply again to the point of SI and SH?

If I was your dad, it would be the conscious effort to lie to me. It would be hurtful to know you didn't trust me to handle your pain with care and compassion.

But if you told me outright? I wouldn't feel hurt by your pain but my heart would break because I'd want to help you.

I hope whatever you decide it works out. I understand how frightening it is to trust those we care about with our pain. You're not alone.

 

[lita-lassi]

i second writing out a letter to your pops, tell him everything you told us and more, he'll be
glad youre being honest even if hes disappointed you relapsed first, but hes your dad and it sounds like he cares. a bit of unpleasant tension may be worth the ability to communicate

 

[redpaint]

Well, as someone who was hidden many things through the years, big and small. It is true the truth comes out one way or another. And I don't want to assume things but by the sound of it it seems your dad cares and worries about you, so I'd suggest you be honest with him. I always have a hard time speaking about this kind of stuff, so if it helps you, perhaps you can write something to him? I find that during conversations sometimes is harder to think clearly and say everything you want and things can get heated, so I prefer writing everything I feel and then leaving the note or letter for the person, that way they have time to process what I wrote rather than just reacting emotionally. Was it easy for you to write this rather than speaking with someone? Maybe writing all this things to your dad can help keep the situation clear and under control. Just the little advice I can offer, but hope everything goes well, take care.

little update, i wrote a letter and it went pretty well. initial reaction was frustration + anger as expected, but it ended up being alright and he actually apologized for his reaction + past responses he's had to this issue w/ me. overall better than i expected. thanks.