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N

noname223

Angelic
Aug 18, 2020
4,661
Here after a long time a recovery thread. I am struggling but I try to spread some positivity.

The plot of some animes that I love
Many Lil Peep and Juice WRLD songs
Attending college without an immediate relapse
Socializing at college and the good grades with give me more self-confidence
The David Foster Wallace stories and his biography
Buying a playstation 5
Buying a newspaper subscription and reading interesting science articles
Sharing my thoughts here in this community and getting support for it
Spending more time with my best friends
Some video games I waited many years to be released

Do you have some things that you are glad to have experienced? I was close to killing myself 2018 and a lot happened since. Sadly also very bad stuff but I want to focus here on positive aspects.
 
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Elysion

Elysion

Member
Jun 12, 2023
63
Seeing my enemies shed tears was a good chance.
 
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lokabe82

lokabe82

To infinity and beyond
Jun 16, 2023
153
I contemplated this for a while and the only things I could come up with were my dog and stage diving at a concert.
I contemplated this for a while and the only things I could come up with were my dog and stage diving at a concert.
Oh yeah and the Persona series
 
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poa.alpina

poa.alpina

i'm a grass!
Mar 11, 2023
41
Only some good music to listen to. Apart from the fact that I accidentaly learned that my favorite singer left the duo, so no more music from my favorite band.
And some cool armor in one MMO lol
 
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XdragonsoulX

XdragonsoulX

Vengeance Incarnate
Apr 13, 2022
117
A year ago I wouldn't be writing this if my boyfriend hadn't intervened and kept me company that whole week, didn't know he was going through the same stuff and was happy my company was helping him, that was before we were together and kicked a not so great ex girlfriend out, a year later I couldn't be happier in my life, having 3 concerts planned out to go to with our favourite artists and planning our lives out with our 3 cats, and various other little critters we hold dear to our hearts. It sucks because I still think about ctb often but I hold on to them for hope.
 
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mitsurumors

mitsurumors

She sells seashells on the seashore 🎶
Jun 11, 2023
18
Seeing my enemies shed tears was a good chance.
Omg I'm so sorry but that sounds almost like something a anime villain would say 😭 No fence tho!

BtT:
A-side from nerdy stuff:
» Having a time (2013-2015) without suicidal thoughts
» A (more or less) White Wedding – tho it wasn't as pretty as I would have wished for as a kid
» Meeting all those special cats in my life (Bandit, Gizmo, Komaki, Kyon, Buffy, Lilly, Komaki 2)
» Getting a Switch and PlayStation 5 (the first and only consoles I've bought myself)
» Finally buying a AC last year

As a nerd those are some things I would have missed:
» A lot of of games, including many The Legend of Zelda titles like Wind Waker, Twilight Princess, and Breath of the Wild / Tears of the Kingdom, Tales of titles like Tales of Symphonia, Tales of the Abyss, Tales of Vesperia, and Tales of Arise, Final Fantasy (especially XV & VII), Kingdom Hearts, Persona, Splatoon 3, Ib, Love Live, Ensemble Stars, Mystic Messenger, My Big Sister, To The Moon, Undertale & Deltarune, Trials of Mana, even Genshin Impact lol
» The birth of YouTube, of Let's Plays and certain Youtuber, especially Markiplier, which I have seen life in person
» So many anime, like Tengen Toppa Gurren-Lagann, Higurashi no Naku no Koro Ni, Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood, Katekyo Hitman Reborn, Prince of Tennis, Gintama, Kyoukai Senjou no Horizon, Fate/Zero, Ousama Ranking, and many more
» So many manga, like Kamikaze Kaito Jeanne, Card Captor Sakura, Legend of Mana, Record of Lodoss War, Hellsing, Death Note & Bakuman, Akagami no Shirayuki-hime, Akatsuki ni Yona, or recently Jibaku Shonen Hanako-kun and Dorohedoro.

There is probably more, and I'm glad I didn't miss it, but tbh– I obviously wouldn't have minded missing those things if I died the first time I've tried
 
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cami

cami

the lonely
May 27, 2023
188
getting so many piercings and finally feeling home in my own body, even if just for a short time. it was elating.
 
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Q

Quinnalyn

Member
Jun 17, 2023
25
Falling In love multiple times
My best friend
Finding the right chemical cocktail for me
Getting pretty acrilic nails
Graduating highschool
Food I love food
My best friend getting me a gaming computer
Getting sober
Meeting my sponsor
 
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Strawberry_Clouds

Strawberry_Clouds

( = ⩊ = )
Jun 17, 2023
43
Here after a long time a recovery thread. I am struggling but I try to spread some positivity.

The plot of some animes that I love
Many Lil Peep and Juice WRLD songs
Attending college without an immediate relapse
Socializing at college and the good grades with give me more self-confidence
The David Foster Wallace stories and his biography
Buying a playstation 5
Buying a newspaper subscription and reading interesting science articles
Sharing my thoughts here in this community and getting support for it
Spending more time with my best friends
Some video games I waited many years to be released

Do you have some things that you are glad to have experienced? I was close to killing myself 2018 and a lot happened since. Sadly also very bad stuff but I want to focus here on positive aspects.
Buy my first figure
Find new friends
Read chainsaw man (it was really good)
Buy my first laptop
Listen to my favorite song
Figure out I'm trans
There's a lot more I'm forgetting to name, but I'm a forgetful person, I'm happy I've gotten to where I am now it's been hard
 
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Sweet Tart

Sweet Tart

Arcanist
May 10, 2023
452
Omg I'm so sorry but that sounds almost like something a anime villain would say 😭 No fence tho!

BtT:
A-side from nerdy stuff:
» Having a time (2013-2015) without suicidal thoughts
» A (more or less) White Wedding – tho it wasn't as pretty as I would have wished for as a kid
» Meeting all those special cats in my life (Bandit, Gizmo, Komaki, Kyon, Buffy, Lilly, Komaki 2)
» Getting a Switch and PlayStation 5 (the first and only consoles I've bought myself)
» Finally buying a AC last year

As a nerd those are some things I would have missed:
» A lot of of games, including many The Legend of Zelda titles like Wind Waker, Twilight Princess, and Breath of the Wild / Tears of the Kingdom, Tales of titles like Tales of Symphonia, Tales of the Abyss, Tales of Vesperia, and Tales of Arise, Final Fantasy (especially XV & VII), Kingdom Hearts, Persona, Splatoon 3, Ib, Love Live, Ensemble Stars, Mystic Messenger, My Big Sister, To The Moon, Undertale & Deltarune, Trials of Mana, even Genshin Impact lol
» The birth of YouTube, of Let's Plays and certain Youtuber, especially Markiplier, which I have seen life in person
» So many anime, like Tengen Toppa Gurren-Lagann, Higurashi no Naku no Koro Ni, Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood, Katekyo Hitman Reborn, Prince of Tennis, Gintama, Kyoukai Senjou no Horizon, Fate/Zero, Ousama Ranking, and many more
» So many manga, like Kamikaze Kaito Jeanne, Card Captor Sakura, Legend of Mana, Record of Lodoss War, Hellsing, Death Note & Bakuman, Akagami no Shirayuki-hime, Akatsuki ni Yona, or recently Jibaku Shonen Hanako-kun and Dorohedoro.

There is probably more, and I'm glad I didn't miss it, but tbh– I obviously wouldn't have minded missing those things if I died the first time I've tried
FF games changed my life and rn XIV is holding me together. I understand if it's not your thing, as I know the format doesn't appeal to a lot of FF fans. Stand tall.
 
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ggetout33

ggetout33

Better to reign in hell...
Mar 3, 2023
169
Reading all these, is there a chance?
 
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woh6

woh6

Student
May 13, 2023
189
Well.. my first boyfriend. However, he had mostly bad sides to him. I thought we shared a genuine love for each other but then I found out he cheated on me so...
I can't really think of anything else. But I guess small positive experiences also count! Here a few:
I discovered some nice foods, went on vacation, and saw positive things happen in the lives of my friends!
 
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Valky

Valky

Petulant Child
Apr 4, 2023
1,322
-Meeting my boyfriend
-The experiences I made concerning my job goal
-My lovely pets
-The continuing love of my family
- and so so much more

Thank you for making this thread, it is very important to appreciate the good things in life :)
Reading all these, is there a chance?
You won't know until you try <3
 
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quiet.rabbit

quiet.rabbit

NEET
Feb 27, 2020
118
In no particular order:

Having a dog and rabbit.
Playing with my brother's cat.
Baking my first cake, (which turned out actually amazing!!)
Getting a computer and other consoles.
Gacha games.
Going to an anime convention, and seeing the english cast of SpyxFamily talk about voice acting.
Getting an anime figure.
Finding Hololive.
Playing Aion.
Finding this site.
Trying out weed for the first time.
 
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TransilvanianHunger

TransilvanianHunger

Grave with a view...
Jan 22, 2023
340
I guess it depends on how early "earlier in life" is.

The first time I considered killing myself? I would've never experienced a few amazing relationships, wouldn't have met my cats, wouldn't have eventually found something meaningful that I want to do with my life... Basically, none of my adult life would've happened, good or bad.

Last time I considered it: wouldn't have met my current cat, met my therapist, moved to my current place, gone back to school. Quite a few things that have happened in the last year and a half.
 
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redisblue

redisblue

"cut me clean, till i can't think anymore."
Feb 12, 2023
135
In no particular order:

- Spending time with my cat + my family
- We're All Doomed tour (one of the best nights of my life)
- Concerts
- My favourite video games, music, books and shows
- The chance to meet my best friends (haven't met them yet but I'm hoping to in the next couple of years, this is one of the only things keeping me going)
 
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Sweet Tart

Sweet Tart

Arcanist
May 10, 2023
452
FF games changed my life and rn XIV is holding me together. I understand if it's not your thing, as I know the format doesn't appeal to a lot of FF fans. Stand tall.
I'm a dummy, I meant: Walk tall. Sorry to misquote. The VA in that game is so intense and powerful.
 
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AshClouds

AshClouds

In time I started growing inward.
Apr 10, 2023
304
my dog, especially when he was a puppy. On the other hand, it would've spared me from years of pain.
 
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T

Taraxacum

Member
May 11, 2023
10
I struggle alot with my mental illness. Been having relapses, made people around me worried as heck. I almost CTB'd my self few years prior... So I'm happy that I sorta got control of my illness, made people around me worry less and starting to get myself to think more coherently, but I'm still way too far off to be a functioning person.
 
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sadstuffie

sadstuffie

Student
Aug 11, 2020
162
mine:
watching My Dress Up Darling
seeing the new higurashi anime
playing all the Danganronpa games
eating yummy snacks in Chicago
meeting my wonderful friends
getting my first anime figures

just some silly things heehee
 
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Krieger

Krieger

yeah
Apr 16, 2022
120
Dating
Meeting cool ass people IRL and online
Various video games (Squad, Ready or Not, Six Days in Fallujah)
Various movies, TV shows, and anime
Various albums
Getting into music production and video editing
Exploring the natural beauty of my state
Tripping off shrooms
 
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Ashu

Ashu

novelist, sanskritist, Canadian living in India
Nov 13, 2021
641
I made my first attempt at fourteen. I lost my virginity at eighteen. It was worth surviving for.
 
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KrowaKovsky

KrowaKovsky

i dunno what to put here
Feb 22, 2023
204
The release of a remake of my favourite videogame and actually really liking it
My friend's graduation
Eurovision
Plenty of albums and songs I love
 
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cgrtt.brns

cgrtt.brns

wandering ghost (he/him)
Apr 19, 2023
840
in no particular order:
seeing my favourite band reunite, release a new song and then seeing them live after thinking theyd never be back
seeing my favourite person live three times
starting hormones and getting top surgery
going to college and passing my first course
meeting my current friends and all the times we've spent together
picking up different hobbies
buying a rly cool cardigan, i wish i had more opportunities to wear it
getting my first and second tattoos, and planning all my next ones (if i dont ctb)
getting piercings, and planning on getting more (again, tbd)
trying weed and coke
spending my childhood dogs last days together and knowing he doesnt have to suffer anymore
rescuing a new dog and seeing her start to love us and feel comfortable around us
all the new music ive either found or has been released since my first attempt
all the concerts ive been to and plan to go to
all the movies and shows ive watched
all the games ive played and want to play
seeing all the updates to minecraft and being able to play them
finding content creators whos content helps me escape (especially jerma)
being able to help my dad during his break down
finally getting diagnosed and knowing whats wrong with me instead of being so confused
finding sasu and feeling like i somewhat belong somewhere for once
all the rainy days
all the nature ive seen and been in
being able to do these things and enjoy most of them even while wishing i was dead

its frustrating how theres been so many good things in my life yet the bad always outweighs it all in my head. my anxiety tells me nothing good will ever happen again, but all these things prove that it was wrong, bc i felt exactly the same every time i attempted. i hate how uncertain the future is. its hard to remind myself there can be good in the future. i just always feel that ive had my share of good luck and its all down hill from here. in a way its a bit upsetting listing all these things and not being able to feel good about them or the future, its like im not allowed to be happy even if my life were perfect. but ill try to hang on as long as i can.
 
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UseItOrLoseIt

UseItOrLoseIt

1O'8
Dec 4, 2020
2,214
Ok. Easy answer.

Nothing.

I really tried to CTB exactly 10 years ago and everything would have been better if I succeeded. My parents were younger and they would have coped with it better. Now, it would kill them. They are sickly old people in the middle of their 70s. My nephews were babies or not even born yet and it wouldn't gave them ideas. I had a lot more friends that would have actually missed me. I did nothing of importance in that period of time, I have formed no new relationships, I have no memories worth mentioning.

It was the perfect moment and I blew it.
 
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mafuyu

mafuyu

electric angel
Feb 9, 2023
132
cats
weed
persona 5
rhythm games
new friends
d&d
buying stuff that didn't exist before lol
yup
in no particular order:
seeing my favourite band reunite, release a new song and then seeing them live after thinking theyd never be back
seeing my favourite person live three times
starting hormones and getting top surgery
going to college and passing my first course
meeting my current friends and all the times we've spent together
picking up different hobbies
buying a rly cool cardigan, i wish i had more opportunities to wear it
getting my first and second tattoos, and planning all my next ones (if i dont ctb)
getting piercings, and planning on getting more (again, tbd)
trying weed and coke
spending my childhood dogs last days together and knowing he doesnt have to suffer anymore
rescuing a new dog and seeing her start to love us and feel comfortable around us
all the new music ive either found or has been released since my first attempt
all the concerts ive been to and plan to go to
all the movies and shows ive watched
all the games ive played and want to play
seeing all the updates to minecraft and being able to play them
finding content creators whos content helps me escape (especially jerma)
being able to help my dad during his break down
finally getting diagnosed and knowing whats wrong with me instead of being so confused
finding sasu and feeling like i somewhat belong somewhere for once
all the rainy days
all the nature ive seen and been in
being able to do these things and enjoy most of them even while wishing i was dead

its frustrating how theres been so many good things in my life yet the bad always outweighs it all in my head. my anxiety tells me nothing good will ever happen again, but all these things prove that it was wrong, bc i felt exactly the same every time i attempted. i hate how uncertain the future is. its hard to remind myself there can be good in the future. i just always feel that ive had my share of good luck and its all down hill from here. in a way its a bit upsetting listing all these things and not being able to feel good about them or the future, its like im not allowed to be happy even if my life were perfect. but ill try to hang on as long as i can.
mcr?
 
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Death is my goal

Death is my goal

pathetic failure
Aug 25, 2022
471
nothing
 
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catowice

catowice

I'm not from katowice!
Jun 17, 2022
55
The closure of a long and lonesome journey to the summit
A dream job where it's not even imaginable for most
The feeling of leaving your dream job
Meeting someone who has it worse than you, then realizing you actually don't have it much better than them at all
Seeing the sprout out of a seed you planted years ago

It is what's keeping me going despite all the crazy things life is throwing at me. When I decide to leave, I'll leave, as anyone here does. But for now I can keep going for a little longer at least.
 
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beggarsbelief

beggarsbelief

Member
Feb 17, 2023
7
The events going on in the world ave been crazy but also interesting.
I would never have gotten to move to where I'm living now, never have gotten to go the concerts and nightlife events that I've been to (even if I haven't been nearly enough.)
I would never have gotten to read my favourite manga and anime.
I've started reading philosophy, which had been something that ever since I was a kid I wanted to do, but didn't until recently.
I'm writing short stories and drawing, even if only a little bit.
I'm much more mature and independent.
I've had a couple relationships even if they weren't very serious.

Overall, I just try to tell myself that, because my early life and development was so fraught with peril, I've had to put off growing up until now, and I'm now laying the seeds of what could be a fulfilling life. And even then I think a lot of young adults like me struggle with some of the things I'm feeling now. But even so, suicidality has accompanied me all through my life and I just find it so hard to fight it and so tempting to embrace it. I just don't know what to do.
 
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