Name 1 thing you want do before you ctb.

[Escapee]

I want a good night sleep and meeting God in my dream once again.

 

[PurpleVoid]

I want to shred my old diaries.

 

[WaffleWoman]

I refuse to die before going to a hatsune miku concert after that i plan to CTB

 

[murmur]

I want to walk till I can't walk no more, preferably in nature, since I'd be tired of walking maybe a good place to lay and take in my surroundings, when I'm ready I'll wallow back to the shithole I came from and depending if its an area absent of people, maybe scream a bit while I'm at it

 

[StolenLife]

Finish University.

 

[Idon'tknow828]

Sit with my grandma.

 

[StaticCryBabye]

Write a song

 

[heavyeyes]

Read books and watch movies/tv shows on my bucket list

 

[Caramelized]

It's a tie between having a picnic by myself and waiting on some of my favorite shows like Madoka Magica, Hanako-kun, and Blue Lock to release more content. They aren't desires strong enough to make me not want to CTB, but they're desires nonetheless ٩(๑`~´๑)۶

 

[BloomingStrella]

Find love, strangely enough. I know I'll be waiting many decades, though, so ctb is always an option.

 

[☆AwaitingEntropy☆]

I want to write and hand bind a story. It doesn't have to get published, I just want a book for me.

 

[LittleJem]

There's a few restaurants I want to eat in if I am well enough to travel to them. High end Indian food - I'm vegetarian so that's one of my favourites.

I could possibly add a movie or two to the list. Am considering if I can keep myself alive by waiting for various TV shows to come out.

 

[Body bobi]

I call it a *perfect day*.It's basically I'm going out whit the boys for the whole day. After that we go home and play video games all night. Then We can go out at night as well and after we separate I'm going to die by nitrogen hypoxia... That's the only thing I want...

 

[loopdaloop]

I think I'd like to get a good night sleep too but one that is pitch black.

 

[silent star]

Get my driving licence and go on a long road trip by myself or sleep for the entire night without waking up once that would be nice

 

[numbnesshuman]

Nothing……..

 

[Georg]

I would love to try heroin. The feeling you get from it when injected for the first time is probably the best you can experience. This is the perfect drug for lonely people

 

[Kittzuni]

cuddle with my cat

 

[Kerrtu]

There's a few restaurants I want to eat in if I am well enough to travel to them. High end Indian food - I'm vegetarian so that's one of my favourites.

I could possibly add a movie or two to the list. Am considering if I can keep myself alive by waiting for various TV shows to come out.

I love Indian food so much, I would love to be able to go to a nice Indian restaurant and really go all out before I CTB. I'm so sick though, I can barely eat anymore (physical health started quickly breaking down in December of '22 and at this point I can't eat much).

Potato samosas, saag paneer, stuffed naan…mango lassis…

sigh

Grateful I enjoyed when I could.

 

[SoftWorries]

I would love to try heroin. The feeling you get from it when injected for the first time is probably the best you can experience. This is the perfect drug for lonely people

You'd just get sick very likely. Lower dose oral opiates would be best if you haven't tried it before.

MDMA feels better than heroin even according to heroin addicts btw.

 

[Kittzuni]

MDMA feels better than heroin even according to heroin addicts btw.

It's funny that you're saying that in this thread cause while I did say all I want now is so cuddle my cat, a couple days/weeks ago I wanted to do a bunch of shit before I ctb. Including taking MDMA with my husband one last time. This would have been the actual last thing I wanted to do. I planned to take it with him, enjoy our last 1-2 days together, finish watching clannad with him, have sex for the last time and then take the SN right before we go to bed.

Edit: Another thread on here asked about the happiest moment in your life. I replied explaining the time I took MDMA for the first time and hugged/cuddled my cat while rolling.

 

[SoftWorries]

It's funny that you're saying that in this thread cause while I did say all I want now is so cuddle my cat, a couple days/weeks ago I wanted to do a bunch of shit before I ctb. Including taking MDMA with my husband one last time. This would have been the actual last thing I wanted to do. I planned to take it with him, enjoy our last 1-2 days together, finish watching clannad with him, have sex for the last time and then take the SN right before we go to bed.

Edit: Another thread on here asked about the happiest moment in your life. I replied explaining the time I took MDMA for the first time and hugged/cuddled my cat while rolling.

The happiest moments of my life were on MDMA too. I didn't know what it felt to be touched without feeling pain before that.

I was raised by a very abusive mother who was disgusted by being touched with no exaggeration. When I would try to hug her she'd lean away with revulsion. She didn't want to hold me or pick me up as a baby either. She treated me like I was abusing her if I wanted to be touched at all as a small child.

Because of that I didn't develop normal sensations in my skin. Everything felt like a tickle or a prickle. I didn't have interest in sex outside of BDSM pain. I truly believed my entire life that women who said that they enjoyed being touched were doing it as a performative way to get male attention (insanity, I know).

But the second time I took MDMA suddenly and for the first time I felt pleasant sensations in my skin. I felt my clothes on my body draped over skin that felt something different from pain. It was pleasure. It was bliss.

And it stayed. The drug opened my ability to feel pleasure in my skin and it stayed. After that I lost all interest in rough sex. I enjoyed being held. I got closer to people and overall became a softer kinder person.

I was able to eventually cut my mother from my life as well knowing what she'd denied me from ever being able to experience or even imagine.

I had other wonderful experiences on MDMA but the one I described above was a miracle. Waiting 3-6 months between taking it again has kept me alive now for years. I would have been long long gone by now without it.

 

[NoLoveNoHope]

Maybe MDMA? I'm not really sure, I just want this nightmare to end.

 

[Georg]

You'd just get sick very likely. Lower dose oral opiates would be best if you haven't tried it before.

MDMA feels better than heroin even according to heroin addicts btw.

I tried MDMA, it was ok. I think opiates work totally different. But yeah, I will try a low dose opiates oral.

 

[boblong]

excuse me what does MDMA mean ?

 

[Ashu]

It's funny that you're saying that in this thread cause while I did say all I want now is so cuddle my cat, a couple days/weeks ago I wanted to do a bunch of shit before I ctb. Including taking MDMA with my husband one last time. This would have been the actual last thing I wanted to do. I planned to take it with him, enjoy our last 1-2 days together, finish watching clannad with him, have sex for the last time and then take the SN right before we go to bed.

Edit: Another thread on here asked about the happiest moment in your life. I replied explaining the time I took MDMA for the first time and hugged/cuddled my cat while rolling.

So you and your husband are planning to go together?

 

[SoftWorries]

I tried MDMA, it was ok. I think opiates work totally different. But yeah, I will try a low dose opiates oral.

That sounds good.

For MDMA it depends on how much serotonin you have available. Also it doesn't work if you have ADD or ADHD, if you've eaten, if you're on SSRIs. Lots of things can make it less than stellar.

excuse me what does MDMA mean ?

It's a drug. Ask ChatGPT about it.

 

[woh6]

I have some small things I'd like to do, not any big goals or anything though. One of the things I'd like to do is visit my home country, and since you can get N otc there, ctb and visiting could go hand in hand.

 

[Kittzuni]

So you and your husband are planning to go together?

No, he'd never ctb (at least that's what he told me), meanwhile he's the main reason why I want to. Somehow I still wanted to spend my final moments with him though. Love can be a strange thing.

He sleeps like a rock which is why I was sure I could pull this off. Sleep deprivation from the MDMA would easily do the trick so he wouldn't notice until he woke up several hours later.

I really mean it when I say he sleeps like a rock. Waking him up (especially if he stayed up late) is incredibly difficult. I once tried to wake him up cause he was late for work or something by turning the lights on while putting both phones (going off on alarms) right next to his ears and shaking him aggressively. I also screamed at him while my cat attacked his feet (cause she hates the sound of alarms). It took me a solid 15minutes of this before he woke up. He slept for roughly 2-4 hours at that point and had a solid 4-6 hours of sleep the day before. He generally often sleeps through his alarms. I've tested this in the past. It's not like he turns them off either, he just continues sleeping right next to them for an hour or so (after that I usually go in and turned them off). I can clean the house, use the vacuum and do dishes while he's asleep. We do this on a daily basis.

For MDMA it depends on how much serotonin you have available. Also it doesn't work if you have ADD or ADHD, if you've eaten, if you're on SSRIs. Lots of things can make it less than stellar.

I do not agree with the ADD/ADHD part, and I do have diagnosed ADD. The only thing I noticed is that I do not have comedowns no matter how much I take compared to my husband who doesn't have ADD/ADHD and usually gets comedowns.

Meanwhile food doesn't affect either of us and you usually don't get hungry on MDMA anyway.

We redose once or twice though. I also generally need more than my husband but that's the case for any drug. Even though my husband is taller and muscular and weighs more than me.

The part about SSRIs is true though, that's simply a fact.

 

[phantomime]

I want to have a very perverted orgy with my lover and other people. I want to act on every single one of the most depraved sexual thoughts I've had before I go.