My Yew Obsession [A Reflection with Metaphysics Applied]

[DetachedDreamer97]

It's been five years since I became suicidal, and I remember that the first method I've pursued was the yew, and while I have taken the time to invest in other methods, I always keep coming back to the yew. And while I've spent years focused on the method, I couldn't figure out what drew me to the plant, or why I've been so hellbent on perfecting the extract. Why put in all the effort when I can simply buy N?

It's simple, and for a while, it's been hard to explain or make sense, not in a logical way. For a time, I've mentioned about it not being just about peacefulness, provided it can be peaceful when done right. But… this has more to do with astrology and horoscopes. While it's generally frowned upon for being superstitious, I still have some use applying it.

The yews are a symbol of immortality, rebirth, protection from evil, change, divinity, strength, and perseverance.

Perseverance is one of many traits I share with the yew, and is for the most part what defines me. Because when I have vision or a goal, I stop at nothing to see it through. It's not just with preparing the method, it's whatever goal or passion I have. And any obstacle that stands in my way will be overcome. As I've said though, it's one of many.

They are also recognized as the bringer of dreams (a definite obsession of mine).

Now to further delve deeper into astrology, I was born on a Saturday in the month of August.
Saturday is the day of the planet Saturn, and being born in August makes me a Leo, which what makes this relevant is that yew is a Saturn plant (as well as Pluto), and the gemstone of the yew is olivine/peridot, which is one of the two birthstones for Leos.

Peridot seems to focus on the heart, which is ironic as I focus on a method that targets the heart above all else. And apparently, Leos are more susceptible to heart conditions. Saturn, although I'm not a Capricorn is one of the birth planets I relate to, which I posses certain traits (ambition, and perseverance, patience, diligence) just like the yew, unless I'm sorta being possessed into becoming extremely focused on the yew project. Of course, one more thing about peridot/olivine besides health, maybe that's why I've been so drawn towards the lush green color of the leaves as they bathe in the sun.

Perhaps the day I've first learned about the method and when I laid my eyes upon the bushes and the trees, it felt as though it was calling for me, and considering how well this method fits me like a glove. This is probably what I'm meant to do. I don't think I will ctb for a good while after this as I feel as though some part of me will change once I complete this project. Hell, I'll argue that it's already been happening, being that I'm starting to see I'm capable of many things when I put my mind to it. But if I happen to ctb, it won't be tragic; I'll die with a smile on my face, as no matter what, my destiny is fulfilled.

I probably sound insane… So, sorry if you wasted your time having you read my mumbo-jumbo. I figured that in order to perfect my botanical method, I need to understand it on a level beyond what is physical.

 

[Wrennie]

You read much more like an intelligent, creative & intriguing individual than "insane".

You possess an enviable amount of botanical knowledge and I admire your dedication and unshakable resolve when it comes to refining the Yew. It does sound like a pretty all-consuming pursuit.

In addition, you possess the wisdom to be "self-reflective", which is a rare trait to find in people overall.

Nevertheless, it still pains me to hear that someone as impressive as you are is suicidal (but as always, I will respect your feelings & agency when it comes to taking control over the course of your destiny).

 

[DetachedDreamer97]

You read much more like an intelligent, creative & intriguing individual than "insane".

You possess an enviable amount of botanical knowledge and I admire your dedication and unshakable resolve when it comes to refining the Yew. It does sound like a pretty all-consuming pursuit.

Nevertheless, it still pains me to hear that someone as impressive as you are is suicidal (but as always, I will respect your feelings & agency when it comes to taking control over the course of your destiny).

Thanks! I'm genuinely flattered. I kinda worry I was gonna be dismissed as a lunatic since I don't think people don't really care for horoscopes, or would go so balls deep into it.

I honestly appreciate it. I sorta wonder how others are on their method if they were going for plant poisons. Or… any poison for the matter. As for knowledge, I wish I had more of that, but I guess with the path I'm walking, I probably will achieve that.

Thanks again!