Venting my venting board

[su1c1dal-dungeon]

i wrote this in the private discussion board at 4am but id rather have more people see it… i wrote this on my work break.

"anxious at the moment. my psychiatrist told me i need to tell someone close to me about my self harm thoughts. its 4am and im thinking of texting my mom like "my psychiatrist told me i had to tell someone to hold me accountable i was having thoughts of self harming" but i dont want her to know. i dont want anyone to know. i knew i shouldnt have told him.

i feel alone. deserted. empty. i come to work and see depressed young adults with fresh cuts and deep scars and feel like im not good enough or a fucking fraud for even working in mental health.

all ive wanted to do since age 13 is work in mental health and here i am at almost 23 working in mental health and its just making me worse. i dont see a future in any other professional field. if i cant handle this i cant do life - theres no way for me to make a living.

my psych asked if i felt like i needed to be in the hospital and i immediately shouted "no!" because i cant afford to miss work even though it drains the hell out of me.

ill probably go home at 7am and sleep all day/night. and then on tuesday ill stay in bed with my thoughts. and wednesday ill sleep all day and finally show my face when its time for trivia. then on thursday ill be back at work to repeat the cycle.

i really wish my life was different. i wonder what i would be if i had gotten psychiatric help at a younger age."

Maeve

 

[Cauliflour]

my psychiatrist told me i need to tell someone close to me about my self harm thoughts. its 4am and im thinking of texting my mom like "my psychiatrist told me i had to tell someone to hold me accountable i was having thoughts of self harming" but i dont want her to know. i dont want anyone to know. i knew i shouldnt have told him.

Seems like a bit of a shit psychiatrist. This is a very personal thing and they want you to to tell someone who deeply cares about you? That doesn't sound like a good idea at all. Then again I've never been in therapy so what would I know. I suggest going against their wishes and stick to your gut. If you don't want her to know then you shouldn't have to tell her. Self harm isn't something that can be mentioned lightly and really should just be talked with your psychiatrist as they're the professional that can help.

all ive wanted to do since age 13 is work in mental health and here i am at almost 23 working in mental health and its just making me worse. i dont see a future in any other professional field. if i cant handle this i cant do life - theres no way for me to make a living.

It sounds like your mental health has burnt you out. I'm not sure what to recommend as I don't know your economic situation, but I think you should try to ease out the stress somehow.

...That's shit advice, sorry.