My time

[Sweetfa]

Plans this weekend.

Using the SN method, I've ordered SN from ebay 99.9% pure lab grade 100g.

Plan to use approx 25g following no food or drink for 4 hours (I'm diabetic so longer will make me feel unwell)

I already suffer critically low blood pressure so hoping unconsciousness will happen quickly.

I have some quetipine in from a past prescription but not sure how much needed as an antiemetic but it also has sedative and anti anxiety effect on me so might be useful. I also have cyclizine in but again I'm unsure if this is suitable antiemetic so need to do a bit more research before the weekend.

I'm on cholestramine too for diarrhea but not sure if this is considered as antacid so might need to purchase some other antacid before weekend too.

Analgesics I have are either codeine, paracetamol or tramadol.

I also have triptipan but assume that's useless without a migraine. Whatever, I'll get all I need for the weekend.

 

[Lutembëe]

Hope you will find the peace you are looking for.

We're here if you need to talk.

 

[BPD Barbie]

Good luck with your plans

 

[randomz]

Plans this weekend.

Using the SN method, I've ordered SN from ebay 99.9% pure lab grade 100g.

Plan to use approx 25g following no food or drink for 4 hours (I'm diabetic so longer will make me feel unwell)

I already suffer critically low blood pressure so hoping unconsciousness will happen quickly.

I have some quetipine in from a past prescription but not sure how much needed as an antiemetic but it also has sedative and anti anxiety effect on me so might be useful. I also have cyclizine in but again I'm unsure if this is suitable antiemetic so need to do a bit more research before the weekend.

I'm on cholestramine too for diarrhea but not sure if this is considered as antacid so might need to purchase some other antacid before weekend too.

Analgesics I have are either codeine, paracetamol or tramadol.

I also have triptipan but assume that's useless without a migraine. Whatever, I'll get all I need for the weekend.

I am sorry life brought you to this situation. I hope you have exhausted all other options to make yourself feel better and view life from different angle. If you want, you cal always talk to us here and find support.

 

[Sweetfa]

I've spent years fighting to get help through adult care services and doctors, can't cope with basic things like housework, I get 1 hour a day with a personal assistant, it's not enough, can't even cook anymore, numerous hospital appointments with specialists and they can't do anything more for me, medication isn't working to stop diarrhea or pain. I've had therapy and in therapy again but it's past the point that I can use the skills I learnt in therapy. I hate that I'm passing the mental pain to loved ones especially my children but pain has exceeded my ability to fight anymore and physical health continues to deteriorate rapidly. I faint often from low BP and exhaustion, can't clean the poo up that I wake up in as so faint
I wish I could stay, I have lots to live for but sadly not enough to endure the worse things in life.

 

[mesohappy]

Im so sorry about your bad health.I hope you find peace from your suffering and hope things go smoothly for you.

 

[Sweetfa]

Hi, anyone around to talk?

I'm about to get my stuff together ready now.

I can't stop crying, I wish I could say goodbye to certain people but it would alert them to what I'm doing and stop me doing what I need to do.

I don't want to die alone but that's what happens in the end.

 

[Lostandfound7]

I'm here hun..listening...

I'm so sorry that ur physical pain has become so unbearable n has brought u to this point

 

[Deleted member 1465]

Oh Sweetfa are you sure this is what you want? I'm so sorry, I only just found your thread.
What is your diagnosis?
Your situation sounds terrible, are you alone? Don't you get any help? I have a chronic illness too and find it hard to cope.
I don't want you to be alone.

 

[LittleJem]

Wish you luck and peace for your journey. Here with you.

 

[WEASEL1234]

Hi, anyone around to talk?

I'm about to get my stuff together ready now.

I can't stop crying, I wish I could say goodbye to certain people but it would alert them to what I'm doing and stop me doing what I need to do.

I don't want to die alone but that's what happens in the end.

I can talk

Hi, anyone around to talk?

I'm about to get my stuff together ready now.

I can't stop crying, I wish I could say goodbye to certain people but it would alert them to what I'm doing and stop me doing what I need to do.

I don't want to die alone but that's what happens in the end.

I can talk xx

 

[AlreadyGone]

I am truly sorry it has come to this. I wish you luck.

 

[Sweetfa]

I have taken 100mg cyclizine, 20mg nortryptiline (hopefully as a sedative)

I'll take tramadol shortly

Then SN drink.

I get minimal help for chronic illness.

Had heart attack and scad 2014, stroke 2015, have numerous cardiac conditions, Ehler Danlos Syndrome, low blood pressure, neuropathy, autonomic dysfunction.

Also have complex post traumatic stress disorder from being abused and raped since I was 3, most recent my ex in 2018.

Everything is just too much for me now.
Don't have the antacid but hopefully according to Stans guide, that shouldn't be a major problem

 

[WEASEL1234]

I have taken 100mg cyclizine, 20mg nortryptiline (hopefully as a sedative)

I'll take tramadol shortly

Then SN drink.

I get minimal help for chronic illness.

Had heart attack and scad 2014, stroke 2015, have numerous cardiac conditions, Ehler Danlos Syndrome, low blood pressure, neuropathy, autonomic dysfunction.

Also have complex post traumatic stress disorder from being abused and raped since I was 3, most recent my ex in 2018.

Everything is just too much for me now.

Here if you need x

 

[Deleted member 1465]

Oh I'm so very sorry. That is so much to stand. It would floor anybody. You have done well to get this far.

 

[Quarky00]

You're not alone

You can say your goodbyes in letters to dear ones. Imagine them reading it and loving you.

I wish you could be surrounded by your loved ones -- with their comfort and smile, understanding and acceptance -- coming to terms.

You are suffering a lot and you deserve peace.

You're doing alright. Okay to cry. Let everything out. I have a big understanding melancholic smile while typing this, and I'm sending it to you
~

Let us know how you're feeling and what you're thinking about. Feel free

 

[LeftAtTheBridge]

I'm sorry for everything that has happened to bring you here. Whatever path you take I hope you find some peace. Know that people are reading this thread and care about how you feel.

 

[Sweetfa]

Getting strange feelings up my spine, think nortyrptaline kicking in, feels kinda nice though.

I'm feeling sad but at peace too. Knowing its not much longer

 

[a.n.kirillov]

May your suffering end and may you be at peace, whatever you will decide or what will ensue.

 

[Sweetfa]

Thank you, it helps having a place to talk, knowing I'm not going to be alone at the end. SN in 30 minutes, taken tramadol now

 

[LeftAtTheBridge]

You aren't alone. People are here for as long as you need us

 

[Deleted member 1465]

Yeah, still here. Wish this wasn't happening to you, but still here.

 

[WEASEL1234]

Thank you, it helps having a place to talk, knowing I'm not going to be alone at the end. SN in 30 minutes, taken tramadol now

Am here x

 

[Ulisses]

accompanied your journey my friend. let your departure be peaceful.

 

[Sweetfa]

Should have taken sn 30 minutes ago, I've been talked into waiting another week. To see if adult care services come back with better news after their new assessment yesterday.

I'm not feeling good about this and still feel hopeless but they suggested that way at least I know for certain I have given it every chance. I am dreading hanging around for a week, I know it doesn't sound long but it feels like a lifetime.

 

[Deleted member 1465]

You must feel very weird, but I'm glad you are still with us. Maybe there is yet a chance, though I know sticking around won't solve your problems. I am sad you are suffering. Please post more and keep us updated?

 

[Sweetfa]

I feel like it's stupid even thinking they will help after years of bs from them. I am back to crying again and thinking I should still do it and break my promise of another week. Tonight felt right.
Open packet of sn right next to me... District nurse due in the morning.

 

[TimeToBiteTheDust]

Wish you the best. Hope you find peace.

 

[Sweetfa]

What does a promise mean other than it's made the person feel OK for tonight?
How important is the timing of the antiemetics?

 

[Deleted member 1465]

I know. People say they will help then they often dont. It's dishonourable. You are at a critical moment. It's your choice. You could give it a week and try, but I know that promise feels empty. I know that feeling all too well. If I could send you some strength I would. If I could MAKE them listen I would. I can listen.