Venting My therapist is weird.

[SmollMushroom]

They said I don't meet the requirements to get thrown into a psychiatric hospital, and that if I want to get into one, I can only get into a private one (that's how it works in my country) because those are more willing to get you for basically any reason (since you pay) and the cost for one day in there is around 350$.
I'm like, bitch for all that money I'm renting a room in Dubai wtf.
Truth is I just want to get away from my abusive family asap, but I don't want to be homeless, and I'm struggling to find a job. Besides, finding a job might not even be enough for me to afford a rent on my own...
Also they prescribed me with hanax and then told me out of the blue: drink of it as much as you want. You can even shove down four bottles, you still won't die, just collapse.
I was about to tell 'em: but what if I mix it with alcohol? But I didn't.
Idk in a way I think they are cool, but I guess they already know I'm having "certain thoughts". They didn't want to be paid either (yet), so that's cool too I guess. What you guys think?

 

[Foreverix]

That therapist is either totally genius, or totally shit.

And welcome! You're an adorable mushroom!

 

[SmollMushroom]

Hey, so I just wanted to update the thread as the topic is still the same and I saw no reason to make a fresh one, but if not I guess it can be edited by a mod i don't really know.

Anyways...

As previously said my therapist kinda read through my ctb intentions and then said something that made me feel even more willing to ctb...
They said that everyone should be free to do whatever they want with their lives, which tbf, it's my same position but holy f that feels bad.

It almost feels like even they understand how bad my position is and that there's nothing really that can be done. There's no way out.
They said that a psych ward wouldn't get me because I'm not crazy enough, and that those do not help you anyways.
They said that if my relatives decide to kick me out, I'd be done (like they have 0 faith in me whatsover).
Then they said that I have to push through my anxieties, my social akwardness and start opening up with people. But I've been trying to do that since I'm on this disgusting planet and it never ever worked. I just can't make friends with anyone or either keep them.
Besides I feel BAD with other people. Am I the only one in the world feeling like that???
I want to be left alone. I'm tired of trying and failing, it DOESN'T work.
So I told them that they might aswell just heavy sedate me, and throw me in a psych ward, like please. That would be way better to me, I don't think people who are not hikikomoris or do not have social anxiety can relate.

But they're putting it in a way where they're basically saying that I NEED to open up if I want to survive. So I'd rather die, because I have already tried so many times and I'm just not made to stay around other people.
I'd be fine living off of government assistment, just a few money a small room. I don't ask that much.
I don't want a private jet and bitches and 30 Bugattis or whatsoever...
But my government doesn't give me shit. Not a cent.
Why is it so hard to just staying alive? I'm so tired...
Thank you to whomever read this far...

 

[Done_Surviving]

I'm sorry you're going through this, honestly your therapist sounds like a total dick. And for what it's worth, I do have faith in you. From what little I've read you sound like a nice, kind and functional person, and maybe you can manage to get a job on a call center or in one of those pages like JobDuck that only require you to just put numbers on an excel sheet. They don't really pay a lot, but it might be enough to save up and get out of your abusive situation. Wishing you the best of luck and sending you love cute mushroom <3

 

[SmollMushroom]

[[[ UPDATE ]]]

That therapist is either totally genius, or totally shit.

Ok so I guess it was for the latter

They ghosted my messages, that were related to the amount of dosage for the meds they prescribed me, and after some days they replied that they were meaningless messages and that we should've talked about that during out appointment.

And I'm like, dude I'm not contacting you to talk about the weather! I need infos on the meds you prescribed to me because they are not giving the effects they should! Like, help???

Besides, they know my situation pretty damn well - that I'm a loner and I have no one. They could've at least showed some empathy!

And I told 'em! I told 'em it's their job as a psychiatrist to help with the medications! But they didn't answer.

But I do did things the right way, like you guys suggested me in this my other thread.
So I've been nice. I said, that I understood their point of view, but that they were wrong.

So idk, I think they don't know how to help me in reality and they are trying to ditch me, but making it look like I wanted out, you know?
In any case I'll keep you updated.
Oh I also asked them to prescribe me Nembutal - they said it's out of commerce.

 

[IWishToDie]

[[[ UPDATE ]]]


Ok so I guess it was for the latter

They ghosted my messages, that were related to the amount of dosage for the meds they prescribed me, and after some days they replied that they were meaningless messages and that we should've talked about that during out appointment.

And I'm like, dude I'm not contacting you to talk about the weather! I need infos on the meds you prescribed to me because they are not giving the effects they should! Like, help???

Besides, they know my situation pretty damn well - that I'm a loner and I have no one. They could've at least showed some empathy!

And I told 'em! I told 'em it's their job as a psychiatrist to help with the medications! But they didn't answer.

But I do did things the right way, like you guys suggested me in this my other thread.
So I've been nice. I said, that I understood their point of view, but that they were wrong.

So idk, I think they don't know how to help me in reality and they are trying to ditch me, but making it look like I wanted out, you know?
In any case I'll keep you updated.
Oh I also asked them to prescribe me Nembutal - they said it's out of commerce.

Hope you're doing well these days @SmollMushroom mushy :-)