sinnrr-sistrr
Member
- Apr 13, 2026
- 11
First of all, I need to preface this by saying that I love my girlfriend and she has been incredibly, incredibly supportive in the past year we've been together.
Recently, since december, I've been having a really hard time managing my emotions and it's resulted in a lot of suicidal ideation and SH urges coming back. A bit more than a week ago, I finally relapsed and had my worst cutting episode yet. Yet, despite everything, my gf has stayed by my side and has helped me through all of it, even with her being veeery squeamish with blood and wounds.
We're living together (as lesbians do) and my mental state has been taking quite a toll on hers, since seeing me being sad makes her sad too, and because I've been slacking when it comes to house chores (which we share) and cooking (which I usually do since I like it). I've been in a cycle of being busy with school and being ill and being depressed and I gotta admit I haven't been doing my part in our home life :(
Also, a constant of our relationship is communication, so I've been venting to her a lot about my urges, and she told me that it's been making her anxious, and it kind of gets her mood down whenever I talk to her about it. She still listens, because she loves me and wants to be there for me, but she's said that, although she doesn't blame me, talking so often about me hurting myself is not something she really likes doing.
I'm taking slow steps towards recovery, whether you count creating a SaSu account recovering or not (I don't know heh), but I can't help but worry that my mental state will burn her out (she has expressed that possibility). I know she loves me, and I know she doesn't want to lose me, and yet it's so hard to get into my brain that if I don't get better it could happen.
I don't know where to go from this. I've been better about managing my SH urges to a point where I don't think this relapse will go further than that one incident, but they're still constantly in my head and I often need to vent them out. I feel terrible knowing that she's not doing well in her life (not mainly because of me) but that I also know I'm not too much in a position where being with her makes her life easier. She also doesn't like how much time I spend on here, but more in a "she's just worried about me" way.
Anyways, that's all I have to say. Have any of you been in a similar predicament?
Thank youuu~✿
Recently, since december, I've been having a really hard time managing my emotions and it's resulted in a lot of suicidal ideation and SH urges coming back. A bit more than a week ago, I finally relapsed and had my worst cutting episode yet. Yet, despite everything, my gf has stayed by my side and has helped me through all of it, even with her being veeery squeamish with blood and wounds.
We're living together (as lesbians do) and my mental state has been taking quite a toll on hers, since seeing me being sad makes her sad too, and because I've been slacking when it comes to house chores (which we share) and cooking (which I usually do since I like it). I've been in a cycle of being busy with school and being ill and being depressed and I gotta admit I haven't been doing my part in our home life :(
Also, a constant of our relationship is communication, so I've been venting to her a lot about my urges, and she told me that it's been making her anxious, and it kind of gets her mood down whenever I talk to her about it. She still listens, because she loves me and wants to be there for me, but she's said that, although she doesn't blame me, talking so often about me hurting myself is not something she really likes doing.
I'm taking slow steps towards recovery, whether you count creating a SaSu account recovering or not (I don't know heh), but I can't help but worry that my mental state will burn her out (she has expressed that possibility). I know she loves me, and I know she doesn't want to lose me, and yet it's so hard to get into my brain that if I don't get better it could happen.
I don't know where to go from this. I've been better about managing my SH urges to a point where I don't think this relapse will go further than that one incident, but they're still constantly in my head and I often need to vent them out. I feel terrible knowing that she's not doing well in her life (not mainly because of me) but that I also know I'm not too much in a position where being with her makes her life easier. She also doesn't like how much time I spend on here, but more in a "she's just worried about me" way.
Anyways, that's all I have to say. Have any of you been in a similar predicament?
Thank youuu~✿
