Story My story

[Jean4]

Why blame those that have the evidence? It's not like they're fabricating non-existent BS. A good number of people have been trying to talk smack about me for years. Years. I've been able to fend them off because they're either completely wrong, or those spats were so small and insignificant, that they're just making mountains out of molehills. Not in this case, though. It's truly over for me. I have no social life IRL, and I used to depend on the VA online community when I wanted to talk. Now, the only people that would talk to me are the people here. For a pro choice forum, I don't seem to be getting a whole lot of support here, because "I have it better". Physically, perhaps. Mentally and situational wise? No way.

Side note: I dislike tattoos and piercings. I also don't drink, gamble, smoke or do drugs. I don't engage in casual sex as well. Too bad my personality's utter crap, which is what ultimately led to my downfall.

I'm ending this. None of my skills will be applicable in the real world. I know darn well what had transpired, and there's no hope for me.

Why don't you set up an account on Fiverr and do voice over work. They can't stop you. Fiverr.com. There are many sites you can work at. Maybe investigate. ;)

If not, I wish you peace.

 

[CrushedHopes]

Is it possible to share your work with us ? Will that reveal your identity ? I know nothing about voice acting but would like to watch it if its ok with you

I've deleted my Twitter and YT, but some of my work is still on Twitch and Archive.org. Sharing my VA alias is the same as doxing my name, because they've doxed everything (except the precise coordinates in the country I live in).

I'm a hot topic in the VA world, apparently. I'd tell you which professional voice actors are outing me, but I prefer to keep my anonymity for now so that I could successfully CTB.

Why don't you set up an account on Fiverr and do voice over work. They can't stop you. Fiverr.com. There are many sites you can work at. Maybe investigate. ;)

If not, I wish you peace.

That won't be an option since I am thoroughly blacklisted. Please wish me peace.

 

[Stan]

 

[Jean4]

I've deleted my Twitter and YT, but some of my work is still on Twitch and Archive.org. Sharing my VA alias is the same as doxing my name, because they've doxed everything (except the precise coordinates in the country I live in).

I'm a hot topic in the VA world, apparently. I'd tell you which professional voice actors are outing me, but I prefer to keep my anonymity for now so that I could successfully CTB.

That won't be an option since I am thoroughly blacklisted. Please wish me peace.

Oh @Stan. Here you go.

 

[Stan]

I was the same when I didn't get to play Joseph in the nativity Play when I was 6 years old

 

[Jean4]

I was the same when I didn't get to play Joseph in the nativity Play when I was 6 years old

@Stan if you leave me I will kill you. Wait. You would want that. Thank You!!!!

 

[CrushedHopes]

Why should I look for a different industry when it's all pointless? Why should I keep on living not being able to do what I love anymore?

I cannot do these things anymore for the rest of my life:

• Voice act
• Mix music
• Mix audio
• Write scripts
• Direct
• Edit videos

That's 6 things that I've been doing for the past 7 years, and I cannot do them anymore. Just wonderful. I may not be a professional, but I was still very passionate about them. But now? Meh. I can't do any of the 6 things I just listed, so I'd rather just CTB. Also, even if I were to keep living, I don't think I'd ever forget about the joys I had in the VA community. Nor would I be able to stop watching anime and playing J-games. I'll have these regrets for the rest of my life. Count me out of such a pathetic, dry and uncolorful life. It's not the kind of life I want, and I am electing to terminate it.

In any case, I just love being ridiculed even in the final weeks of my lifespan. It just warms my heart so much.

I'm committed to this. Even did my SN research thanks to the resources here.

 

[marcusuk63]

This is why the future is doomed .
You, like many of your age have spent the best part of your life in front of a pc .15-22 . 7 years plus you will have obviously been on before you got into voice acting etc
people live their lives on social media instead of interacting with the real world and real people and when its taken away they dont know what to do .

I often imagine (hope) one day a huge solar flare will wipe out technology and the few left that haven't CTB will come out of their home , pale and pasty looking , shielding their eyes from the daylight, like a pit pony on retirement .
They will introduce themselves to the next door neighbour they have lived next to all their lives but have never met .

It would be like the end of Total Recall ( the real film not the crappy remake ) were they all go out into the fresh air for the 1st time

 

[CrushedHopes]

Oh, I would love to interact with the real world if my future wasn't already doomed. I *have* no future.

 

[WhiteDespair]

@Rachel74 @Jean4 thank you for the insightful commentary. It's something I needed to hear.

 

[Rachel74]

 

[CrushedHopes]

You know what OP just end it then.

Had already made up my mind from the start, ever since everything fell apart.

You are the kind of person that will make sure voluntary euthanasia will never be approved as folks like you will use it when they are having a bad time and not trying to sort it out.

I love how you assume that I'm just "having a bad time" and not the very fact that I won't have a future with such a bleak, dull and uncolorful life. Again, I'm well aware that plenty of people have it way worse than me, but trust me - you wouldn't want to trade places with me. You wouldn't want to be in my shoes, just because I could still function normally.

You euthanise someone as they are in pain, mentally and physically not because they failed in their job.

Well, I'm in severe mental pain. Thanks for not noticing. ^_^

I also didn't fail on a job; I had my entire future taken away from me. It's all over. I could continue leading this worthless, boring life until I'm in my 70s and 80s, but what good will that do? I think I'd even have trouble applying for simple entry level jobs. One only has to look up my real name on Google, and they'll realize that I have a terrible personality. Nobody would hire me. It really is over.

 

[Stan]

@Rachel74 enjoying her Sunday evening....

 

[Jean4]

Why blame those that have the evidence? It's not like they're fabricating non-existent BS. A good number of people have been trying to talk smack about me for years. Years. I've been able to fend them off because they're either completely wrong, or those spats were so small and insignificant, that they're just making mountains out of molehills. Not in this case, though. It's truly over for me. I have no social life IRL, and I used to depend on the VA online community when I wanted to talk. Now, the only people that would talk to me are the people here. For a pro choice forum, I don't seem to be getting a whole lot of support here, because "I have it better". Physically, perhaps. Mentally and situational wise? No way.

Side note: I dislike tattoos and piercings. I also don't drink, gamble, smoke or do drugs. I don't engage in casual sex as well. Too bad my personality's utter crap, which is what ultimately led to my downfall.

I'm ending this. None of my skills will be applicable in the real world. I know darn well what had transpired, and there's no hope for me.

So. When is your date? Do you have a plan such as doing it in the woods? How is your phone by the way? What do you think @Stan

 

[CrushedHopes]

So. When is your date? Do you have a plan such as doing it in the woods?

I'm hoping to get it over with as soon as all the SN materials arrive, which is about 2 weeks. I'm doing it in my apartment. I live alone and my parents only check up on me once a week (over the internet, since they don't even live in the same state). It is foolproof. Nobody's gonna interrupt the process, I won't be saved, and I'll find true salvation at last.

 

[Jean4]

You know what OP just end it then. Beggars belief why you did the post if you won't listen to any advise given.

You are the kind of person that will make sure voluntary euthanasia will never be approved as folks like you will use it when they are having a bad time and not trying to sort it out.

You euthanise someone as they are in pain, mentally and physically not because they failed in their job.

Maybe he/she can film it. I bet they wouldn't block that and he/she will always be remembered. @Stan has popcorn.

 

[hobbydevil]

I cannot do these things anymore for the rest of my life:

• Voice act
• Mix music
• Mix audio
• Write scripts
• Direct
• Edit videos

What makes you think you can't do them anymore? Unless you lost both of your hands, your eyes and your tongue you can do all of it.

It will be hard to regain trust, sure. But it's not impossible, especially if you give it time and especially if you actually apologize for what you've done and work on yourself. You seem to at least somewhat realize what went wrong. Well, actions speak louder than words - now it's time to act on them. Become a better person if you think you currently have a crappy personality.

You're creating a self-fulfilling prophecy for yourself by telling yourself over and over that you're doomed.

 

[Jean4]

What makes you think you can't do them anymore? Unless you lost both of your hands, your eyes and your tongue you can do all of it.

It will be hard to regain trust, sure. But it's not impossible, especially if you give it time and especially if you actually apologize for what you've done and work on yourself. You seem to at least somewhat realize what went wrong. Well, actions speak louder than words - now it's time to act on them. Become a better person if you think you currently have a crappy personality.

You're creating a self-fulfilling prophecy for yourself by telling yourself over and over that you're doomed.

Yes. Reminds me when I lost my first spelling bee. @Stan you remember that. Or was you phone broken at the time?

 

[CrushedHopes]

Maybe he/she can film it. I bet they wouldn't block that and he/she will always be remembered. @Stan has popcorn.

I'm a guy.

 

[Jean4]

I'm a guy.

@Stan He says he is a guy. Amazing thing about forums. You can be a trapped in the woods, sexually abused female one day, a 22-year-old male voice over person the next. @Stan pass the popcorn please.

 

[Stan]

Me? Share popcorn. Let me process that thought for a moment.

 

[CrushedHopes]

What makes you think you can't do them anymore? Unless you lost both of your hands, your eyes and your tongue you can do all of it.

In the technical sense, yes. But it'll just be my lonesome. Nobody else would participate with me. Collaborative works require more than one participant. So no, I can't do them anymore.

It will be hard to regain trust, sure. But it's not impossible, especially if you give it time and especially if you actually apologize for what you've done and work on yourself. You seem to at least somewhat realize what went wrong. Well, actions speak louder than words - now it's time to act on them. Become a better person if you think you currently have a crappy personality.

Nobody wants to hear my lame ass apology. And I've chosen the coward's way out by flushing myself out and deleting all of my profiles, and I refused to face any and all consequences and the vitriol of the community. There is no fix for this. Plenty of people are glad that I was outed. I just took another look on Twitter, and more and more people are coming out with their "horror" stories. Realizing what went wrong, especially in this stage, is 100% pointless. Regaining trust is impossible. Not an option. And I'd hate to try to rejoin, only for people to forcefully kick me off. No, thank you.

You're creating a self-fulfilling prophecy for yourself by telling yourself over and over that you're doomed.

I'd be in denial if I weren't. Reality dictates that nobody wants me around anymore. So I'd rather cease to exist. I bet plenty of people would want me gone, *literally*.

@Stan He says he is a guy. Amazing thing about forums. You can be a trapped in the woods, sexually abused female one day, a 22-year-old male voice over person the next. @Stan pass the popcorn please.

Are you done ridiculing me or do you honestly have nothing better to do? Can't believe that I am finding difficulty in finding solace even in the final weeks of my lifespan. I thought this was supposed to be a supportive community. What did I ever do to you?

 

[Read123456788]

You know I think you're giving yourself a hard time. Who can honestly say we've not made mistakes. Yeah you went a bit far sometimes like with stalking the girl but you didn't take it further. Cut yourself some slack.

Only you can decide what to do from here on out but you've not done anything that can't be turned around with some hard work. Either way I wish you absolute peace x

 

[Jean4]

In the technical sense, yes. But it'll just be my lonesome. Nobody else would participate with me. Collaborative works require more than one participant. So no, I can't do them anymore.


Nobody wants to hear my lame ass apology. And I've chosen the coward's way out by flushing myself out and deleting all of my profiles, and I refused to face any and all consequences and the vitriol of the community. There is no fix for this. Plenty of people are glad that I was outed. I just took another look on Twitter, and more and more people are coming out with their "horror" stories. Realizing what went wrong, especially in this stage, is 100% pointless. Regaining trust is impossible. Not an option. And I'd hate to try to rejoin, only for people to forcefully kick me off. No, thank you.


I'd be in denial if I weren't.

Are you done ridiculing me or do you honestly have nothing better to do? Can't believe that I am finding difficulty in finding solace even in the final weeks of my lifespan. I thought this was a supportive community. What did I ever do to you?

@Stan oh Stan! It's her oops his last days and chose to spend it with us! Give this poor soul popcorn!

 

[CrushedHopes]

@Stan oh Stan! It's her oops his last days and chose to spend it with us! Give this pour soul popcorn!

Can you please shut up if you're not gonna be supportive? Please? Like, you could have an opinion, but wow. I appreciate all this "encouragement" you've been giving me thus far. Really, I do. >_>

I wouldn't criticize nor ridicule anyone for their reasons for CTB, regardless of how frivolous it would seem. I thought that was the entire point of being "pro choice". To choose when you get to terminate yourself.

Not only did you *not* acknowledge how painful it is for me, but all this ridiculing you're dishing out is not helping. You seem to think that this is a joke. Do you have a habit of talking like this to suicidal people?

 

[CrushedHopes]

You know I think you're giving yourself a hard time. Who can honestly say we've not made mistakes. Yeah you went a bit far sometimes like with stalking the girl but you didn't take it further. Cut yourself some slack.

Only you can decide what to do from here on out but you've not done anything that can't be turned around with some hard work. Either way I wish you absolute peace x

The stalking case was bad, and while I do regret it, I was able to recover from it. Though that incident drastically changed my POV, making me extremely vitriolic and defensive. Ideally, I would undo that incident and start over from that point again. I would only have a one sided love for her, and give her actual support, instead of trying to guilt trip or harass her to be in a relationship with me.

As for the VA incident that ruined my entire life and future - nah, what I did was 100% irreversible. The mistake I made, and how I chose the coward's way out ruined everything. It's to the point of no return.

 

[Soulless_Angel]

The stalking case was bad, and while I do regret it, I was able to recover from it. Though that incident drastically changed my POV, making me extremely vitriolic and defensive. Ideally, I would undo that incident and start over from that point again. I would only have a one sided love for her, and give her actual support, instead of trying to guilt trip or harass her to be in a relationship with me.

As for the VA incident that ruined my entire life and future - nah, what I did was 100% irreversible. The mistake I made, and how I chose the coward's way out ruined everything. It's to the point of no return.

@CrushedHopes I wana PM you but it won't allow me too....

 

[CrushedHopes]

@CrushedHopes I wana PM you but it won't allow me too....

Looks like I'm gonna have to post more before I'm allowed to PM.

 

[Soulless_Angel]

Looks like I'm gonna have to post more before I'm allowed to PM.

ballshat

 

[cowbain]

Wow talk about 1st world problems.... A change of perspective would benefit you greatly. Can't you just change your identity or something and choose a different career? It sounds like you have the money to do so. Ex cons can turn their life around and they have very limited resources so I'm sure you can too. If you choose to live I'd suggest getting a good therapist as well. I see you're getting angry at people for not supporting your decision to ctb. In the end it is your decision. This is a pro choice site, but wanting to kys because you can't watch anime and got outed on the internet for being a dick is irrational, and I don't know if any pro choicer would suggest you ctb over that. *sighs* This is what happens when people overtly spoil and shelter their kids too much. I hope you can find peace.