Firstly sorry to unload this on here. When you're an outcast to society this is the only place I feel I'll be heard & listened too. So here we go:
My anger, despair and suffering all stem from the fact that I'm abnormal. From my combination of horrible experiences throughout my life, there's no doubt I've been dealt the worst hand when it comes to every physical attribute and personality trait deemed "valuable" to society. "Who cares about your physical attractiveness and what value your other traits e.g. personality and intelligence provide to society?" I hear you ask. Well, then I already know you possess enough attractiveness/provide enough value to society to negate/mask all of your flaws.
It's insane how much your physical attributes and personality determine how you're treated and therefore how you progress through life. It's literally the make or break of whether you're deemed worthy of a beneficial spot on the male dominance hierarchy. You see, when you're as much of a negative outlier as me, in as many possible traits and domains of life as you can imagine, you can't help but come to the conclusion that you don't belong. Years of seeing others desired/preferred in social groups, in the workplace and by the opposite gender no matter how hard I try or the amount of effort I put in leads you to eventually conclude that some people are just dealt a much better hand, by genetics, race & socioeconomic status.
I've had endless nights of pondering where I fall with regards to these "markers" used by human beings to judge who's worthy/desirable for progression in social groups, the workplace, dating & life in general. Is where I fall in all of this why my efforts are rendered useless? The worst part is that my desperate attempts to break free from the shackles of the bottom-of-the-barrell hands I've been dealt is that they are almost always met with contempt by human beings at large. Should someone as ugly & large (overweight) as him be acting like that? Does he think he's special? Couldn't that he further from the truth :(. Should someone as abnormal as him really be trying to get ahead like that? Shouldn't he do the right thing and let the more attractive & generally more desirable people surpass him? as he falls into his rightful place/position that he should claim in society, allowed by us of course. Any attempts made by me to break out of my shackles are always met with contempt e.g. "you're not all that", "you're nothing special" etc.
The irony I find in reflecting on and contemplating on all of this external and societal feedback I receive is that I have the urge to ask "if you had it your way, how would you have me act?" & "where would you have me placed in the hierarchy that we human beings are naturally inclined to arrange ourselves in?". All of this has me wondering, are hermits,recluses, outcasts or incels made? Are people who are outliers in physical appearance and/or personality "acceptable" punching bags at which human beings direct their worst tendencies & biases?
Seemingly, some people are just not meant to be. I ... was never meant to be.
My anger, despair and suffering all stem from the fact that I'm abnormal. From my combination of horrible experiences throughout my life, there's no doubt I've been dealt the worst hand when it comes to every physical attribute and personality trait deemed "valuable" to society. "Who cares about your physical attractiveness and what value your other traits e.g. personality and intelligence provide to society?" I hear you ask. Well, then I already know you possess enough attractiveness/provide enough value to society to negate/mask all of your flaws.
It's insane how much your physical attributes and personality determine how you're treated and therefore how you progress through life. It's literally the make or break of whether you're deemed worthy of a beneficial spot on the male dominance hierarchy. You see, when you're as much of a negative outlier as me, in as many possible traits and domains of life as you can imagine, you can't help but come to the conclusion that you don't belong. Years of seeing others desired/preferred in social groups, in the workplace and by the opposite gender no matter how hard I try or the amount of effort I put in leads you to eventually conclude that some people are just dealt a much better hand, by genetics, race & socioeconomic status.
I've had endless nights of pondering where I fall with regards to these "markers" used by human beings to judge who's worthy/desirable for progression in social groups, the workplace, dating & life in general. Is where I fall in all of this why my efforts are rendered useless? The worst part is that my desperate attempts to break free from the shackles of the bottom-of-the-barrell hands I've been dealt is that they are almost always met with contempt by human beings at large. Should someone as ugly & large (overweight) as him be acting like that? Does he think he's special? Couldn't that he further from the truth :(. Should someone as abnormal as him really be trying to get ahead like that? Shouldn't he do the right thing and let the more attractive & generally more desirable people surpass him? as he falls into his rightful place/position that he should claim in society, allowed by us of course. Any attempts made by me to break out of my shackles are always met with contempt e.g. "you're not all that", "you're nothing special" etc.
The irony I find in reflecting on and contemplating on all of this external and societal feedback I receive is that I have the urge to ask "if you had it your way, how would you have me act?" & "where would you have me placed in the hierarchy that we human beings are naturally inclined to arrange ourselves in?". All of this has me wondering, are hermits,recluses, outcasts or incels made? Are people who are outliers in physical appearance and/or personality "acceptable" punching bags at which human beings direct their worst tendencies & biases?
Seemingly, some people are just not meant to be. I ... was never meant to be.
