Venting my story and half assed philosophy

[679chocolates]

I have gone through a lot recently and i just want to vent and put into writing what I've been feeling. about 2 years ago i joined sasu because of an irrational fear of my future and bad decisions that i felt like in the moment were life ending. looking back on it i wouldn't have been mad if my attempt had worked out but alas i did some travel around the world i got horrifically emotionally cheated on by who i thought was the love of my life and i checked off some bucket list things like losing my virginity and going to japan. my ex's betrayal hurt me so and after suffering with wanting to let it go and continuing i decided after 6 excruciating months that i would rather suffer from loneliness than suffer in a relationship where i couldn't love, trust or be happy anymore. I'm forcing myself through online college(because i'm a disgusting loser hikkikomori) for a degree i don't care about, to make decent money in a few years which i will need one day. I'm prepping for a future i'm not sure about for a reason i'm not sure about either. i made so many posts about hating my parents and hating myself but the truth is that won't change anything, it's their first time living too and while it doesn't excuse them it's a fact and i shouldn't judge them for their lack of judgment. i don't know many things except that im deeply confused. i want to be happy i crave to feel complete but i don't know if that will ever happen.

 

[timf]

It has been said that living by yourself is much better than living with a mistake. As children we are all born helpless. ignorant, and selfish. Our parents are supposed to help us improve on this initial condition They should help us develop self-discipline, impart their wisdom, and help us learn to navigate an occasionally hostile world.

Most of us fall short of getting a boost from our parents.Sometimes we fall very short. It may not be completely the fault of our parents as they themselves often had little to pass on or understood what was happening to them as well.

That often leaves us having to pick up the pieces of our lives and figure out what skills we need and how to develop them. There was a comedy western movie called Evil Roy Slade that had the central character as an abandoned baby who raised himself in the Old West.

You might consider seeing if you can find older people who are genuinely happy and asking them for their insights. It has been said that you can learn through your own experiences or through the experiences of others. Considering how painful some learning can be, you might consider assessing the experiences of others.

 

[LostZombie]

i want to be happy i crave to feel complete but i don't know if that will ever happen.

How i see this is, life is what you make of it. You can do what you want with it, and to that I say; what is holding you back from reaching those. Make list of what you need to do, that's what I do. I find the problem, and ask myself how it should be approached.
However if there is one thing I want you to take away from this is a song by the inkspots called "into each life some rain must fall" it's something that i think sums up how I live. I just take it day by day and do the things and check how much closer I am to my goal.