So my SN arrived today. I'm surprised it came so soon. I feel as if since I've attained it, I can try to improve my life since I can fall back on this whenever I want. If I get too much anxiety, I can just think of this to make me feel better. But to be honest, this isn't even bothering me right now. What's unnerving me now is a topic from my last post. Feel free to search for it if you want to have more context for this upcoming rant.
So I've gave my friend J three chances for him to reach out to me, text, call, whatever, and he never does. I'm so pathetic that I actually calculated the time frame from when he was last active on Messenger to the time I've sent the Message. He was on around five hours and even posted a video of his favorite band, Blue October, (which is a cool band, by the way) and didn't reply. I keep trying. Many people have told me to give it time, even on here. I'm not asking for advice. I know full well that it's my responsibility on how I interact with people, but I just feel so... invisible.
I honestly feel like Naruto. How no one notices him. This might sound kind of fucked up, but I always WISHED I would get picked on in school because than I'd know if I really existed on not. Sorry for anyone that got bullied reading this, I'm not trying to belittle the effects of bullying. It's just how I felt.
I don't know why he keeps doing this. I got rid of B forever, so that's out of the way. I tried giving K a third chance. But guess what? He got mad at me because I didn't meet him on a street at night he was walking on to get to my house because I have mild agoraphobia. He just said, "I don't care. I'm not moving from the park until you get here." He basically wasted 20 minutes that he could've gotten to my house but didn't because he wanted to be petty. He decided to walk at night because the Uber wouldn't work. He didn't even give me a heads up that he was coming. Jesus. Thank God I have my friend R. She always texts me out of the blue. I always tell her that I get a smile on my face whenever I talk with her. She even texted me today when I was expecting it to be J. Anyways, I guess I'll keep coping until I rope. I guess that promised day that me and J would see each other in person since the psych ward will never come...
So I've gave my friend J three chances for him to reach out to me, text, call, whatever, and he never does. I'm so pathetic that I actually calculated the time frame from when he was last active on Messenger to the time I've sent the Message. He was on around five hours and even posted a video of his favorite band, Blue October, (which is a cool band, by the way) and didn't reply. I keep trying. Many people have told me to give it time, even on here. I'm not asking for advice. I know full well that it's my responsibility on how I interact with people, but I just feel so... invisible.
I honestly feel like Naruto. How no one notices him. This might sound kind of fucked up, but I always WISHED I would get picked on in school because than I'd know if I really existed on not. Sorry for anyone that got bullied reading this, I'm not trying to belittle the effects of bullying. It's just how I felt.
I don't know why he keeps doing this. I got rid of B forever, so that's out of the way. I tried giving K a third chance. But guess what? He got mad at me because I didn't meet him on a street at night he was walking on to get to my house because I have mild agoraphobia. He just said, "I don't care. I'm not moving from the park until you get here." He basically wasted 20 minutes that he could've gotten to my house but didn't because he wanted to be petty. He decided to walk at night because the Uber wouldn't work. He didn't even give me a heads up that he was coming. Jesus. Thank God I have my friend R. She always texts me out of the blue. I always tell her that I get a smile on my face whenever I talk with her. She even texted me today when I was expecting it to be J. Anyways, I guess I'll keep coping until I rope. I guess that promised day that me and J would see each other in person since the psych ward will never come...
