Venting whats the point anymore?

[aureliaaurit]

i met my boyfriend nearly a year ago now. i fell in love with him onstantly, fast and hard. he treated me like a person, he was kind and funny.
now he switches up from kind to annoyed, the smallest things can mean the world to him and i often end up upsetting him because i cry when he confronts me.

i found out he's been emailing his ex girlfriend, he didnt say anything explicit in any of the emails i saw, but when she said "why are you so far away?" he said "i'm not far away at all."

She calls him her moon, and he lets her. He never mentioned me. No "i have a girlfriend now". She has a husband but why does that matter?

She looks kind of like me. That's how he described her. He told me that the only reason he left her was because he wasn't sure if he could marry a woman with kids.
He called me her name once and he doesn't call me his sun, like he called her.

It's not fair. I love him. I've never done anything to him. I've given him everything I have but nothing changes. He only wants me because he can't have her.

I've got nothing left to live for and I don't want to live anymore but I'm too fucking poor and stupid to actually kill myself.
I can't even talk to anyone about this because all I get is shit for it. Why shouldn't I kill myself? I'm worthless, I work as a waitress for a living, I have countless stupid addictions, I barely have a brain, and I'm basically a cuck.

i dont know, im so tired. im tired of pretending things are fine and i want to be alive.

 

[Blue Dream]

Is he really worth enduring this kind of treatment?

 

[aureliaaurit]

Is he really worth enduring this kind of treatment?

He's the only reason I'm still here. When he shows me affection, though that's becoming rarer and rarer now, I feel so happy and free. Then he goes back to normal and I remember how much of a burden I am.

 

[MyPoorKids]

You deserve better! Don't let this person ruin you. That is not acceptable but it is not your fault and there is nothing wrong with you. You deserve to be fully loved and not to see emails like that for any reason. Leave, don't look back. You will gain confidence and strength and when you do the right person will appear. He will only serve to hurt you
You are not a burden. You are special. And you deserve better. Stop downing yourself. Trust me, things could be worse. Your pain is so real and hard to feel but trust me. I have no reason to steer you wrong. This person is not right for you and will only hurt you but there are 7 billion people. Don't think there isn't a better one out there just waiting to love you proper

 

[zenditall]

i understand the grief of watching someone who was your whole life slowly make it clear that its not mutual. I really do, all of it- the hopelessness and all. this is my first ever comment, i dont tend to interact, but is this really worth your existence?? You're more than all that, you have interests and thoughts, you have favourite colors and animals and songs, your existence is an on going artwork, i know its not my business to shame you for anything youre feeling, that isnt what im trying to do, just to clear things up. I just hate to see someone balance their worth on someone who doesnt deserve it

 

[Blue Dream]

He's the only reason I'm still here. When he shows me affection, though that's becoming rarer and rarer now, I feel so happy and free. Then he goes back to normal and I remember how much of a burden I am.

What if you could find a partner that shows you affection without cheating on you?

 

[aureliaaurit]

What if you could find a partner that shows you affection without cheating on you?

He's never cheated on me, he's just mever mentioned me. I'm pretty sure in his mind I'm just the version of her where he chose differently.
I could never EVER find someone like him. Even if another man did love me the way I want my boyfriend to it wouldn't matter.
He's one of a kind, he's intelligent and witty, and is really empathetic. He's just too depressed most days to love me, especially because I am not what he truly wants.

He is my whole world, without him I am nothing, and will be nothing. With him at least I can feel happy sometimes.

 

[Blue Dream]

He's never cheated on me, he's just mever mentioned me. I'm pretty sure in his mind I'm just the version of her where he chose differently.
I could never EVER find someone like him. Even if another man did love me the way I want my boyfriend to it wouldn't matter.
He's one of a kind, he's intelligent and witty, and is really empathetic. He's just too depressed most days to love me, especially because I am not what he truly wants.

He is my whole world, without him I am nothing, and will be nothing. With him at least I can feel happy sometimes.

Then, since you love him, is it really the best idea to keep him from finding someone he'd actually be happy with?

 

[aureliaaurit]

Then, since you love him, is it really the best idea to keep him from finding someone he'd actually be happy with?

no, it's not. it hurts too much to be without him though so i'm going to end it.