orcapythia
I start over with a dead variable
- May 16, 2025
- 33
She told me tonight she was cutting me off until I become a better person. I know I'm not a bad person. In a way I saw it coming because she's been avoiding me for a while but it's still really painful. We always had a very close relationship, basically being each others best friends. I feel like it's partially because now she's found 'normal' people to hang out with. She's has practically no support needs so it was inevitable she would outgrow me I guess. She was always always there when no one else was. We did everything together. I was about to impulsively hang myself earlier and this feels like God is telling me to finish it. She has lacked a lot of empathy for me lately... saying I don't have it bad like she's blind to my suffering, though she's seen me in my toughest moments. She saw my last attempt. She knows how isolated my life is. I get the feeling she doesn't see me as a human now, I wish I could see what I look like to her. It'd probably be the same way regular people see me. I'm fighting the urge to cut off people that know her as well in case they bring her up or I look crazy to them. How do I even proceed ?
