Venting my psychologist might be a dick

[parader]

I'm just venting really, and I mean, I get where he's coming from but I'm beginning to question if the way he addresses my issues are actually helping me at all.

My former therapist, A, helped me in my lowest, when I attempted multiple times, when I cut, when I struggled with addiction, etc. He told me to rely more on others, to not be so hard on myself, to understand that the world wasn't ending all the time, and it worked to an extent. Over the past few years though, I took this belief to the heart and became a little too comfort to be dependent on others. To accept that I'd never be functional in any capacity and to dread discomfort. I realize that now, I know that's not even close to the life I want to live, and I'm starting to understand I must relearn to push myself harder once more, to hold myself to greater responsabilities, to discipline myself to the things I want to do.

My current therapist, J, is all for that, but he's kind of a dick? Maybe because I'm no longer in crisis all the time, he doesn't understand the depth and danger of my struggle? He calls me childish for struggling with setting up a routine, for getting behind on chores, for struggling to fall asleep for nights in a row and not being able to attend my morning obligations, for still relying on my parents for finances. And I want to take criticism in a constructive way, I know now I'm lacking in many areas that I should've sorted by now, I'm pushing 30s, my 20s were a mess of hospitalizations and visits to the ER. I want to do better, my feelings are not hurt, but I'm starting to question if this is being helpful at all?

I don't want a therapist that enables my shit and lets me get away with murder, but I'm not too sure being bashed every week makes me thrive either. I just feel worse and then I feel even more immature for not finding it helpful like a proper adult should. I considered quitting therapy or switching professionals but then it feels like giving up for being too sensitive, like something else I can't handle like I should either. This is tiring, I haven't slept in almost 40 hours and need to be out in the town in a couple of hours. Wish me luck.

 

[tonicer]

Did you tell J how you feel about how he interacts with you? He might think you're okay with him being like this?! Also why did you change professionals? A sounds like a better person to help you.

 

[liesabouthelp]

i argue with mine, i shout in his fucking face, i win those arguments, and i can tell that hes bitter about it, not used to being the one who gets lectured, and of course he then does his best to help me as little as possible. its fucking weird though. there are all kinds of mentally ill people. theres those with compulsive behaviors, theres violent ones, yet the "professionals" within the system dont seem to expect people to ACTUALLY be sick. they chose their job, yet dont want to deal with ACTUALLY sick people.

the "professionals" ive met arent that bad though. if a "professional" called me childish, you have no fucking idea how hard i would beat that mother fucker down - with words of course.
what the fuck do you mean by childish? because im so incapable? then what the fuck is depression to you? for how many years have you worked with people like me? yet you dont understand the basic symptoms and struggles of depression? how does calling me "childish" help anyway? how do we deal with this "childishness"? "just stop being childish"? if it was that simple, i couldve done it without you telling me. its very fucking insulting for you to assume that im so stupid that you need to tell me to "stop doing this bad thing" for me to somehow "realize" that i need to stop doing bad things.
TALK DOWN TO THAT MOTHER FUCKER. BEAT THEM DOWN. SPIT IN THEIR FACES.

 

[parader]

Did you tell J how you feel about how he interacts with you? He might think you're okay with him being like this?! Also why did you change professionals? A sounds like a better person to help you.

I haven't, I only realized it might be unhelpful a couple hours ago. I considered telling him in our next session next Monday, but I'm too sleep deprived to even entertain the idea of getting in a conflict I can choose to ignore lol. Maybe I'll feel better next week. The thing is A doesn't accept any insurance and I'm trying to save money looking for a good professional that does.

i argue with mine, i shout in his fucking face, i win those arguments, and i can tell that hes bitter about it, not used to being the one who gets lectured, and of course he then does his best to help me as little as possible. its fucking weird though. there are all kinds of mentally ill people. theres those with compulsive behaviors, theres violent ones, yet the "professionals" within the system dont seem to expect people to ACTUALLY be sick. they chose their job, yet dont want to deal with ACTUALLY sick people.

the "professionals" ive met arent that bad though. if a "professional" called me childish, you have no fucking idea how hard i would beat that mother fucker down - with words of course.
what the fuck do you mean by childish? because im so incapable? then what the fuck is depression to you? for how many years have you worked with people like me? yet you dont understand the basic symptoms and struggles of depression? how does calling me "childish" help anyway? how do we deal with this "childishness"? "just stop being childish"? if it was that simple, i couldve done it without you telling me. its very fucking insulting for you to assume that im so stupid that you need to tell me to "stop doing this bad thing" for me to somehow "realize" that i need to stop doing bad things.
TALK DOWN TO THAT MOTHER FUCKER. BEAT THEM DOWN. SPIT IN THEIR FACES.

I genuinely laughed, I needed it, thank you for that :)

Meanwhile I was just nodding at his words or trying to politely better explain what I meant and why it's been hard for me though he was having none of it. So I just kept quiet. After he ended lecturing me yesterday we sat in an awkward silence for a minute or two staring at each other. He could tell it was weird because by the end of the session I looked more like a therapist just hearing him speak then the other way around. He spoke more than I did come to think of it.