My problem with virginity...

[new.solution1]

"the fact that girls are not virgins once they reach legal age"
"you will never date someone who is a virgin"
"whoever you are with, she has some other guys in her past"
"I would have to deal with emotional baggage"

I take issue with your generalisations and absolutes, and in regards to the last one your apparent lack of empathy.


And you're 29 now. I find it a bit odd that this still seems like a relevant issue to you. Regardless, I agree with A Hole that this should've been your first post. It's personal and to the point without needless generalisations.

I thought those things that I said are for the most part true? Are they actually not? I honestly don't know anymore, if you say they are generalizations.

If a girl has emotional baggage I would have empathy.

 

[lili]

I'm a straight male. I don't like the fact that girls are not virgins once they reach legal age. That means you will never date someone who is a virgin. That means that whoever you are with, she has some other guys in her past. And they have fucked her before. Do other people feel this way?

I was a virgin when I was legal age. Not only a virgin, but also had never had my first kiss before either by the time I reached legal age. And I identify as a girl.

Im also 29, and I think at this point it's just going to be really hard to find another virgin that is our age. I think the majority are people that are just reaching legal age. Personally, I wouldn't want to be with someone who is just turning legal age and a virgin. I think it's unfair to be with them. Let them have fun and loose their virginity to someone their age and experience life. However of course there's people our age that are still virgins, but I don't think it's as common.

I also think even if there happens to be someone who is our age ranges and is a virgin, they probably have still a history, wether of falling in love with someone, even if it's platonic, they probably have a broken heart too at this rate. So I think avoiding romantic baggage with someone else is really hard to avoid .

I'm not sure how to help you with this, but I think it's worth experiencing this with another perspective.

Personally Ive had a lot of guys reject me because I've had a lot of sex with people. When they find out they freak out and feel dirty. No one wants to be with people who are used up multiple times. It's a sort of curse almost. Mentioning this as a side perspective too in case it has any relevancy.

 

[PreussenBlueJay]

I thought those things that I said are for the most part true? Are they actually not? I honestly don't know anymore, if you say they are generalizations.

If a girl has emotional baggage I would have empathy.

It sounds like you mean "lingering attachment" when you say "emotional baggage." Is the virginity not as important as, for example, time spent bonding with someone else?

 

[new.solution1]

From reading some of the responses on here, I feel I should make clear that I'm not with the girlfriend I mentioned anymore.

 

[Insomniac]

there are plenty of incel forums out there bro

 

[new.solution1]

there are plenty of incel forums out there bro

I'm not an incel.

 

[Insomniac]

I'm not an incel.

sorry, it just sounded like it I guess.

 

[GentleJerk]

No hate but I think you know exactly what you're doing lol. And when you receive responses from people who inevitably find your opinion and statements unpopular you say:

these responses have made me feel terrible, made me feel even more alone, and triggered my thoughts of suicide

Well played amigo.

Please keep this on topic. If you are posting this picture because you thought the same to my post as @Cathy Ames, look at my response to her.

That just @Silenos real face looking at you thru your screen.

 

[OldDrummer]

I'm a straight male. I don't like the fact that girls are not virgins once they reach legal age. That means you will never date someone who is a virgin. That means that whoever you are with, she has some other guys in her past. And they have fucked her before. Do other people feel this way?

I really can't wrap my head around your line of thought.

Is it that you want to be her first and feel special, or that the girl will compare you to the others?

Either way, first time always sucks.

 

[new.solution1]

No hate but I think you know exactly what you're doing lol. And when you receive responses from people who inevitably find your opinion and statements unpopular you say:

Well played amigo.


That just Silenos' real face looking at you thru your screen.

I'm wondering if other people are thinking the same thing.

I honestly did not mean to incite any sort of negativity, and these responses did make me feel that way.

There's nothing from what I said that shows I was up to something. I am frank and straightforward with everything I say.

 

[whatevs]

I like your honesty. This has never bothered me, to be honest, but I can see why for some women or men it might be a problem. If I was like this I would just search for someone like me, perhaphs using religious circles to fish for candidates.

 

[new.solution1]

I really can't wrap my head around your line of thought.

Is it that you want to be her first and feel special, or that the girl will compare you to the others?

Either way, first time always sucks.

Maybe my answer can clear things up for others as well.

It's more the fact that I didn't get the chance to have sex during that phase of life when everyone else was for the first time. So I feel like I missed out. And yeah, there's also the fact that sex with a virgin feels different emotionally.

 

[OldDrummer]

And yeah, there's also the fact that sex with a virgin feels different emotionally.

Maybe, maybe not, either way it's only ever going to happen once. Then what?

 

[FindingPeace8]

I'm a straight male. I don't like the fact that girls are not virgins once they reach legal age. That means you will never date someone who is a virgin. That means that whoever you are with, she has some other guys in her past. And they have fucked her before. Do other people feel this way?

There are a lot of women who are still virgins by legal age. Idk what you have heard but it seems like you might have the wrong idea. I have a friend who is awesome and sweet and cute and did not get layed until she was 26. Don't believe everything you hear. Plus a lot of women get taken advantage of their first time and that is horribly traumatic.

 

[YourNeighbor]

It's quite an interesting double standard that certain males have. Why, it's almost as if women are not fully equal or don't deserve bodily autonomy or something like that.

Like what is your ideal situation here? You wish to go forward in life despoiling virgins? Women are "single use" only and then to be disposed of? WTF?!

Welcome to Sanctioned Suicide, where women can be denigrated for having sexual autonomy all in the name of being a welcoming forum. Wouldn't want to offend the hateful by limiting their venom, now would we?

 

[Cathy Ames]

Welcome to Sanctioned Suicide, where women can be denigrated for having sexual autonomy all in the name of being a welcoming forum. Wouldn't want to offend the hateful by limiting their venom, now would we?

Thanks for replying to my initial comment for a second time. Maybe consider doing some editing so that you make a little sense.

 

[YourNeighbor]

Thanks for replying to my initial comment for a second time. Maybe consider doing some editing so that you make a little sense.

Not sure what you mean here, that was my only comment on this thread.

 

[Cathy Ames]

Not sure what you mean here, that was my only comment on this thread.

This whole two-page thing is YOUR THREAD. You have replied repeatedly, and this is the second time you replied to that same comment of mine. Go back and read through it.

 

[YourNeighbor]

This whole two-page thing is YOUR THREAD. You have replied repeatedly, and this is the second time you replied to that same comment of mine. Go back and read through it.

You have me confused for the OP. Check the username. I didn't start this thread.

 

[Angst Filled Fuck Up]

As gently as you may have broached this subject OP, I can't help but think this isn't a reasonable way to feel. It's one of those things akin to "the Easter bunny isn't real" that we just have to get over.

Granted I don't have this huge emotional attachment to things like sex in the way others have, but I learned early on in life that the world is by definition dysfunctional and you likely won't be able to have your cake and eat it with regards to an ideal partner or their history. That said, it's not impossible to find a virgin, it's just that it's not super probable. I also think it's a bit of a red flag to others in that it suggests you want to have control over somebody and their decisions relating to sex, which again is a little off.

I don't think you necessarily meant this thread to be negative towards women, but I can understand why it's rubbing some people the wrong way.

 

[Cathy Ames]

You have me confused for the OP. Check the username. I didn't start this thread.

Sorry. Sleep deprived.

 

[Deleted member 8975]

Wow that's cruel when people start saying being a virgin is a red flag.

 

[Cathy Ames]

Wow that's cruel when people start saying being a virgin is a red flag.

I don't think that's what they meant to say. I think the red flag was for the OP, not for any virgin in question.

 

[Deleted member 8975]

I don't think that's what they meant to say. I think the red flag was for the OP, not for any virgin in question.

It's triggering to me because I've heard it said about virgins before like we're essentially shit. I've even had it recently suggested toward me personally.

 

[Cathy Ames]

It's triggering to me because I've heard it said about virgins before like we're essentially shit. I've even had it recently suggested toward me personally.

I'm sorry. That really stinks. This whole thread is like unto a dumpster fire, I think. Trying to figure out the best way to stop seeing it.

 

[Deleted member 8975]

I'm sorry. That really stinks. This whole thread is like unto a dumpster fire, I think. Trying to figure out the best way to stop seeing it.

yeah I dont really like the connotation of women being "used" or anyone for that matter or people being red flags if they didn't have sex…

This thread confuses me. I think btw you can set threads to "ignore" if you don't want to see them.

 

[Cathy Ames]

yeah I dont really like the connotation of women being "used" or anyone for that matter or people being red flags if they didn't have sex…

This thread confuses me. I think btw you can set threads to "ignore" if you don't want to see them.

Thanks, I will do that.

 

[YourNeighbor]

yeah I dont really like the connotation of women being "used" or anyone for that matter or people being red flags if they didn't have sex…

This thread confuses me. I think btw you can set threads to "ignore" if you don't want to see them.

There are many threads on here like this. For some reason, this place tolerates misogynist threads.

 

[Deleted member 8975]

There are many threads on here like this. For some reason, this place tolerates misogynist threads.

I dont think the original post itself was inherently misogynistic…just kind of made some assumptions ig.

 

[orange]

I dont think the original post itself was inherently misogynistic…just kind of made some assumptions ig.

So you can't see the misogyny in saying you wouldn't want to have sex with a woman who "has been fucked before" but think that this post, in some way, was calling being a virgin a red flag.

That said, it's not impossible to find a virgin, it's just that it's not super probable. I also think it's a bit of a red flag to others in that it suggests you want to have control over somebody and their decisions relating to sex, which again is a little off.

Girl. If you're a man who has had (that we know of) at least one partner, you broke up, and now you're looking for a virgin, yes it's a big red flag, because it can be assumed you want someone with less experience that can be more easily manipulated. That's what Angst is saying. It's not a red flag to be a virgin.

You've already said this topic is triggering to you, but I assure you there is no virgin bashing going on in this thread. For real, I've read the whole thing and felt tempted to ask you what was making you feel that way every time you commented because at no point has anyone said anything against virgins.