drinkthenectar
Member
- Jan 12, 2024
- 10
I wrote finished this poem today. I refuse to let anyone in my life see it until the day because then they'll come to shove that anti suicide bullshit down my throat. I knkw my writing isn't the best, but I'm very proud of it.
I haven't picked a title yet but I think I'll call it "Goodbye"
as you wake up to a new day
on this old bed, my dead body lays
ever since that one May
my life has only been grey
if things had been different
maybe I would have stayed
with you for a while, a little longer
but I've lost my smile
my anger, and childlike wonder
when there is no point since all is a lie
why should I still bother?
I've tried to tell you my plans,
but i guess it was too vile.
I didn't want to sugarcoat
about the tourniquet around my throat.
I wish you would have understand
but you were too much in denial.
I could have told you a proper goodbye
if you had been more accepting
and took caution from my warnings.
if you had made peace that I was to die
you would have been fine with this morning
where I am done with all my mournings
for the good days that never came
to think I was once happy, it feels so strange
for the bad days that I have cried
I patiently waited, even for a small change
but the wrenching pain still stayed the same
despite the countless times I tried
to stay hopeful amidst the storm
one that was neverending
to not lose myself and conform
and pretend I wasn't breaking
down from the depths of my despair
there is no use now, for you to care
this ache is too much, for me to bare
when you wake up tomorrow,
I'm no longer there.
This is specifically about my boyfriend, who wouldn't believe me when I told him to leave me so he wouldn't have to deal with my suicide that will be happening soon-ish (My birthday on March 4th). I tried to tell him many times and he still refuses to accept it. But it also applies to the general people in my life too because for the longest time everyone knows I struggle so much mentally.
And I know no one cares but if you're curious, I said May in the poem because even though I've been verbally and physically abused by my parents for as long as I can remember, the first time I felt true sadness was at 9 years old during 4th grade because all bullying and etc. and school here in Thailand begins in May. I also got broken up by my first "boyfriend" (a whole other complicated and fucked up story) in May on the 1st day of 8th grade. I have BPD so a relationship is like life and death for me. So yeah, that's why.
And yes, I've decided to go with the tourniquet method.
I haven't picked a title yet but I think I'll call it "Goodbye"
as you wake up to a new day
on this old bed, my dead body lays
ever since that one May
my life has only been grey
if things had been different
maybe I would have stayed
with you for a while, a little longer
but I've lost my smile
my anger, and childlike wonder
when there is no point since all is a lie
why should I still bother?
I've tried to tell you my plans,
but i guess it was too vile.
I didn't want to sugarcoat
about the tourniquet around my throat.
I wish you would have understand
but you were too much in denial.
I could have told you a proper goodbye
if you had been more accepting
and took caution from my warnings.
if you had made peace that I was to die
you would have been fine with this morning
where I am done with all my mournings
for the good days that never came
to think I was once happy, it feels so strange
for the bad days that I have cried
I patiently waited, even for a small change
but the wrenching pain still stayed the same
despite the countless times I tried
to stay hopeful amidst the storm
one that was neverending
to not lose myself and conform
and pretend I wasn't breaking
down from the depths of my despair
there is no use now, for you to care
this ache is too much, for me to bare
when you wake up tomorrow,
I'm no longer there.
This is specifically about my boyfriend, who wouldn't believe me when I told him to leave me so he wouldn't have to deal with my suicide that will be happening soon-ish (My birthday on March 4th). I tried to tell him many times and he still refuses to accept it. But it also applies to the general people in my life too because for the longest time everyone knows I struggle so much mentally.
And I know no one cares but if you're curious, I said May in the poem because even though I've been verbally and physically abused by my parents for as long as I can remember, the first time I felt true sadness was at 9 years old during 4th grade because all bullying and etc. and school here in Thailand begins in May. I also got broken up by my first "boyfriend" (a whole other complicated and fucked up story) in May on the 1st day of 8th grade. I have BPD so a relationship is like life and death for me. So yeah, that's why.
And yes, I've decided to go with the tourniquet method.
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