Hey, guys. I'm from Canada, and My life was ruined four months ago. I got arrested for doing evil things out of depression and intense anger I have built up over the years and am now on bail, and I'll never have a future, lost all my dreams, reputation destroyed, etc. Since then, I have experimented with suicide.
First, I tried antifreeze. I drank 3 full cups of it mixed with hot chocolate after my release from jail, and I shit you not: it did NOTHING to me. Absolutely nothing. No pain, no noticeable problems. So, I figured chemicals wouldn't kill me, and I experimented with pill overdose.
I purchased 3 bottles of 100 mg caffeine pills from Wal*Mart, ground them up in a magic bullet blender, so it turned into caffeine powder. Later that night, I ate 5 full tablespoons of the powder, which was equivalent to maybe 8,000 mg of caffeine. It was very bitter, and very painful to swallow. I gagged a LOT while trying to swallow it, and downed it with some iced tea. Within 5 minutes, I began feeling dizzy. 20 minutes later, the dizziness got intense and I began hallucinating a tiny bit. An hour later, my head felt like it was spinning all around my body and I puked all over my floor, along with INTENSE sweating and a small fever. I puked exactly 34 times that night, with the last 7 pukes being dry with nothing coming out. I was literally puking my organs out that night. I couldn't sleep for two days straight, and was extremely alert and very sensitive to sudden movements and motions. My heart kept beating slowly and then fast, and had very random beating patterns. I felt like I was going to have a heart attack; and who knows, maybe I did actually have a small one. I lay down on the bathroom floor all night, in INTENSE pain and agony. The pain was like nothing I have felt before in my life, and trust me I have been through some very painful moments before. I puked the next day as well, and felt just terrible. The effects slowly withered away as the days passed, but they lasted for 6 days. The Internet and all the research I have found online told me that this amount of caffeine I swallowed would kill me and give me a heart attack probably, but it didn't. I took more than the supposedly "lethal" amount of caffeine, and it only tortured me like HELL. Being in that agony was worse than hell, actually. So pro tip: Never try to overdose on ANYTHING, especially caffeine. It just doesn't fucking work. Since chemicals and pills were now off the list, and since I didn't have the guts or bravery to jump in front of a train, stab myself, do physical harm, etc., and since I have no access to firearms, I did research on hanging.
I never thought I had the bravery to do full suspension hanging, and the risk of the rope or ligature breaking seemed too risky. Then I found out about partial suspension hanging, and tried it almost 30 times now to practice it, get used to it, and see what works and what doesn't work.
First I tried a necktie on a doorknob, which didn't work. I knew I had to stand up to get enough weight on my neck. Then, I bought a rope and used a clove hitch on my bowflex bar and a slipknot. It was decent, but the slipknot had a rough time getting down with all the friction.
Then, I purchased white Nylon rope capable of supporting 470 lbs of weight. The slip knot on his Nylon rope slipped literally like butter, and it was a soft rope and not too big. From all my experience, here is what I recommend to use:
- A nylon rope with a thickness roughly the size of your finger or less. I personally found out that thick ropes or things such as scarves, neckties, belts, etc. Do not really work well. But that's just my 30 times of experience.
- Make sure the rope can support a good amount of weight so it doesn't break (mine supports 470 lbs, for example)
- Use a slip knot to tie around your neck (best knot for partial suspension from my experience), and use a clove hitch knot to tie to your ligature point (or a snuggle hitch if you want; doesn't really matter)
- Make sure the ligature point is strong. Use a pull-up bar, a log in the woods, etc. Anything strong you can find. I am using the bar on top of my Bowflex, for example. The ligature point NEEDS to be strong! Very important. If you can't find a high enough ligature point that is strong enough, then keep searching I guess.
- Do not use padding. You will have the rope cut into your neck a bit and will experience some bad pain, but I found this pain only lasts 3 or 4 seconds before the dizziness kicks in. If you use padding, the pressure of the rope will be reduced and it will make the suicide attempt much more difficult. There is no such thing as an easy death with hanging; if you can't take the temporary pain of the rope cutting in a tiny bit and your neck getting squeezed, then don't kill yourself.
- Put the slip knot BELOW your Adam's apple somewhere (you'll need to experiment to find the right spot, but it's pretty easy to find the first few tries). I found that if it is above my Adam's apple, it is harder to lose consciousness and is more painful than it needs to be.
- Push forwards into the rope with your neck, and don't drop too much. I find that bending my knees too much and dropping my body weight makes it hard to breathe and makes me back out, but what works for me may be different for you. You'll need to experiment to get it right.
- Drink some alcohol or listen to some music. This helps with motivation, but isn't necessary.
If you do it right, you'll feel pain from the rope squeezing and digging into your neck for about 4 seconds. Then after four seconds, the pain starts to dissipate and your whole body should start to feel dizzy. The dizziness doesn't really hurt, but feels really awkward. While it doesn't really hurt, your survival instinct may kick in as you are literally on the verge of unconsciousness and then death. You need to keep leaning into the rope and not back out. When you keep leaning and let the dizziness keep going, you'll be unconscious within 20 or 30 seconds. I was practicing with my only friend I have left who I met a couple months ago who is also suicidal, to monitor me and save me if I went unconscious (as me and him were strictly practicing so we could have that confident feeling and skill of being able to die whenever we wanted to). I did it two times with my friend watching me. The first time, I backed out and stood up after my vision started blurring and I got the feeling of passing out. HOWEVER, when I stood up, my friend said I went unconscious. Going unconscious that first time was scary. I couldn't remember anything, woke up very confused and I thought I was in hell being held by a demon or something. So, keep in mind that you can still go unconscious even when backing out. With some solo practice after backing out I found that I had a huge surge of dizziness and it felt like blood was rushing up my skull, and if I was in that rope longer, it would have translated into unconsciousness and then death. The second time I stayed in the rope and didn't back out. It was an unexplainable feeling waking up from unconsciousness like that. Hanging like this also gives me a natural high and a sort of "rush". Apparently kids online play something called the choking game to get a natural high from asphyxia. There is even autoerotic asphyxiation and all that. I think that at the end of the day, partial suspension hanging is EXTREMELY easy once you practice enough. Many people a year die from accidental hanging. ACCIDENTAL. There are suicidal people who supposedly try very hard to die via partial suspension hanging, and just can't die. Then there are happy-go-lucky, good hearted people who don't try too hard and then accidentally kill themselves via this method.
If you feel unconfident in partial suspension hanging, which in my opinion, is the best suicide method in existence, then just keep practicing and researching and try different positions with the rope and your body. At the end of the day, you will accomplish suicide. You WILL succeed with partial suspension hanging. It's a literal guarantee it will work for you eventually. You just need to take the pain from the rope for a small time, and practice. PRACTICE. And you WILL be a MASTER AT SUICIDE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
First, I tried antifreeze. I drank 3 full cups of it mixed with hot chocolate after my release from jail, and I shit you not: it did NOTHING to me. Absolutely nothing. No pain, no noticeable problems. So, I figured chemicals wouldn't kill me, and I experimented with pill overdose.
I purchased 3 bottles of 100 mg caffeine pills from Wal*Mart, ground them up in a magic bullet blender, so it turned into caffeine powder. Later that night, I ate 5 full tablespoons of the powder, which was equivalent to maybe 8,000 mg of caffeine. It was very bitter, and very painful to swallow. I gagged a LOT while trying to swallow it, and downed it with some iced tea. Within 5 minutes, I began feeling dizzy. 20 minutes later, the dizziness got intense and I began hallucinating a tiny bit. An hour later, my head felt like it was spinning all around my body and I puked all over my floor, along with INTENSE sweating and a small fever. I puked exactly 34 times that night, with the last 7 pukes being dry with nothing coming out. I was literally puking my organs out that night. I couldn't sleep for two days straight, and was extremely alert and very sensitive to sudden movements and motions. My heart kept beating slowly and then fast, and had very random beating patterns. I felt like I was going to have a heart attack; and who knows, maybe I did actually have a small one. I lay down on the bathroom floor all night, in INTENSE pain and agony. The pain was like nothing I have felt before in my life, and trust me I have been through some very painful moments before. I puked the next day as well, and felt just terrible. The effects slowly withered away as the days passed, but they lasted for 6 days. The Internet and all the research I have found online told me that this amount of caffeine I swallowed would kill me and give me a heart attack probably, but it didn't. I took more than the supposedly "lethal" amount of caffeine, and it only tortured me like HELL. Being in that agony was worse than hell, actually. So pro tip: Never try to overdose on ANYTHING, especially caffeine. It just doesn't fucking work. Since chemicals and pills were now off the list, and since I didn't have the guts or bravery to jump in front of a train, stab myself, do physical harm, etc., and since I have no access to firearms, I did research on hanging.
I never thought I had the bravery to do full suspension hanging, and the risk of the rope or ligature breaking seemed too risky. Then I found out about partial suspension hanging, and tried it almost 30 times now to practice it, get used to it, and see what works and what doesn't work.
First I tried a necktie on a doorknob, which didn't work. I knew I had to stand up to get enough weight on my neck. Then, I bought a rope and used a clove hitch on my bowflex bar and a slipknot. It was decent, but the slipknot had a rough time getting down with all the friction.
Then, I purchased white Nylon rope capable of supporting 470 lbs of weight. The slip knot on his Nylon rope slipped literally like butter, and it was a soft rope and not too big. From all my experience, here is what I recommend to use:
- A nylon rope with a thickness roughly the size of your finger or less. I personally found out that thick ropes or things such as scarves, neckties, belts, etc. Do not really work well. But that's just my 30 times of experience.
- Make sure the rope can support a good amount of weight so it doesn't break (mine supports 470 lbs, for example)
- Use a slip knot to tie around your neck (best knot for partial suspension from my experience), and use a clove hitch knot to tie to your ligature point (or a snuggle hitch if you want; doesn't really matter)
- Make sure the ligature point is strong. Use a pull-up bar, a log in the woods, etc. Anything strong you can find. I am using the bar on top of my Bowflex, for example. The ligature point NEEDS to be strong! Very important. If you can't find a high enough ligature point that is strong enough, then keep searching I guess.
- Do not use padding. You will have the rope cut into your neck a bit and will experience some bad pain, but I found this pain only lasts 3 or 4 seconds before the dizziness kicks in. If you use padding, the pressure of the rope will be reduced and it will make the suicide attempt much more difficult. There is no such thing as an easy death with hanging; if you can't take the temporary pain of the rope cutting in a tiny bit and your neck getting squeezed, then don't kill yourself.
- Put the slip knot BELOW your Adam's apple somewhere (you'll need to experiment to find the right spot, but it's pretty easy to find the first few tries). I found that if it is above my Adam's apple, it is harder to lose consciousness and is more painful than it needs to be.
- Push forwards into the rope with your neck, and don't drop too much. I find that bending my knees too much and dropping my body weight makes it hard to breathe and makes me back out, but what works for me may be different for you. You'll need to experiment to get it right.
- Drink some alcohol or listen to some music. This helps with motivation, but isn't necessary.
If you do it right, you'll feel pain from the rope squeezing and digging into your neck for about 4 seconds. Then after four seconds, the pain starts to dissipate and your whole body should start to feel dizzy. The dizziness doesn't really hurt, but feels really awkward. While it doesn't really hurt, your survival instinct may kick in as you are literally on the verge of unconsciousness and then death. You need to keep leaning into the rope and not back out. When you keep leaning and let the dizziness keep going, you'll be unconscious within 20 or 30 seconds. I was practicing with my only friend I have left who I met a couple months ago who is also suicidal, to monitor me and save me if I went unconscious (as me and him were strictly practicing so we could have that confident feeling and skill of being able to die whenever we wanted to). I did it two times with my friend watching me. The first time, I backed out and stood up after my vision started blurring and I got the feeling of passing out. HOWEVER, when I stood up, my friend said I went unconscious. Going unconscious that first time was scary. I couldn't remember anything, woke up very confused and I thought I was in hell being held by a demon or something. So, keep in mind that you can still go unconscious even when backing out. With some solo practice after backing out I found that I had a huge surge of dizziness and it felt like blood was rushing up my skull, and if I was in that rope longer, it would have translated into unconsciousness and then death. The second time I stayed in the rope and didn't back out. It was an unexplainable feeling waking up from unconsciousness like that. Hanging like this also gives me a natural high and a sort of "rush". Apparently kids online play something called the choking game to get a natural high from asphyxia. There is even autoerotic asphyxiation and all that. I think that at the end of the day, partial suspension hanging is EXTREMELY easy once you practice enough. Many people a year die from accidental hanging. ACCIDENTAL. There are suicidal people who supposedly try very hard to die via partial suspension hanging, and just can't die. Then there are happy-go-lucky, good hearted people who don't try too hard and then accidentally kill themselves via this method.
If you feel unconfident in partial suspension hanging, which in my opinion, is the best suicide method in existence, then just keep practicing and researching and try different positions with the rope and your body. At the end of the day, you will accomplish suicide. You WILL succeed with partial suspension hanging. It's a literal guarantee it will work for you eventually. You just need to take the pain from the rope for a small time, and practice. PRACTICE. And you WILL be a MASTER AT SUICIDE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
