Venting My parents feel that I'm a dissapointing financial investment and I haven't rectified the hurt I have caused them. might CTB sooner than I planned

[3/4Dead]

When my dad SA'd me when I was a kid I told a teacher, not realizing it would cause as many issues as it did, I was made to apologize to him for "lying" and I have thus never brought it up again. They are the only ones who ever choose to talk about it, and when we do it always goes like this, and it's always a problem with how I have not done enough to resolve the pain I caused despite endlessly apologizing ever since.

Today my father said that the reason they/we are financially unstable is because they drained their money to get me help and that he's dissapointed in the lack of results. That its been a financial investment and he's not seeing the outcome.

I feel like nothing but a problem.

I am nothing but a problem.

Why even go back to college, I could save them the trouble of paying and I can just die now. It would clearly be easier.

I can't get a gun right now (money) but I know they have one somewhere in the house I just can't find it, I have no clue where I'd hang myself as it would be blatantly cruel to do it in their house, and jumping or a train would traumatize others. If I can find a gun, and/or a location to do shoot myself or hang myself discreetly then I do not expect to live for the rest of the year.

I am tired. So very tired.

 

[prisonerofexistence]

It's very hard to hung yourself It's not as simple as it sound.

 

[SeekingPeace164]

It's disgusting to refer to a child as a failed financial investment. As if you were a stock or real estate and not a struggling human.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

It isn't you that failed but rather your parents. You never asked to be alive and you were brought into this world against your will. It should be your parents' responsibility to invest in you. If they didn't want to invest in a child, they shouldn't have procreated to begin with. Parents who complain about their children despite giving birth to them in the first place are truly annoying

 

[Worndown]

Not all parents are up to the task.
Anything spent on your care cannot be compared to money spent refinishing a floor or fixing a car. Money does not equal results.
Humans are complicated and your parents should appreciate that.

 

[3/4Dead]

It's disgusting to refer to a child as a failed financial investment. As if you were a stock or real estate and not a struggling human.

Yeah - I'm certain that I'm just a convinent scapegoat for their problems and often get caught in the crossfire even when I've done nothing especially wrong or notable, doesn't make statements like these any less hurtful.

It isn't you that failed but rather your parents. You never asked to be alive and you were brought into this world against your will. It should be your parents' responsibility to invest in you. If they didn't want to invest in a child, they shouldn't have procreated to begin with. Parents who complain about their children despite giving birth to them in the first place are truly annoying

I honestly thought that it didn't bother me much when my parents were upset about supporting me, as I feel the same way, you have a child now, you have to support and take care of said child, that is not that childs fault, but as I've gotten older when they say things like this it just feels like a stab in the gut.

Not all parents are up to the task.
Anything spent on your care cannot be compared to money spent refinishing a floor or fixing a car. Money does not equal results.
Humans are complicated and your parents should appreciate that.

This is so true. Some parents really are just not up to it. Humans are so complicated, and you'd think living longer than me would help them realize that everyone is living an equally as intricate and complex life as they are, more specifically throwing money at the problem (even if for a solution) has hardly ever solved anything when humans are such complex animals.