3/4Dead
Peace, Love, Empathy
- Feb 27, 2024
- 403
When my dad SA'd me when I was a kid I told a teacher, not realizing it would cause as many issues as it did, I was made to apologize to him for "lying" and I have thus never brought it up again. They are the only ones who ever choose to talk about it, and when we do it always goes like this, and it's always a problem with how I have not done enough to resolve the pain I caused despite endlessly apologizing ever since.
Today my father said that the reason they/we are financially unstable is because they drained their money to get me help and that he's dissapointed in the lack of results. That its been a financial investment and he's not seeing the outcome.
I feel like nothing but a problem.
I am nothing but a problem.
Why even go back to college, I could save them the trouble of paying and I can just die now. It would clearly be easier.
I can't get a gun right now (money) but I know they have one somewhere in the house I just can't find it, I have no clue where I'd hang myself as it would be blatantly cruel to do it in their house, and jumping or a train would traumatize others. If I can find a gun, and/or a location to do shoot myself or hang myself discreetly then I do not expect to live for the rest of the year.
I am tired. So very tired.
Today my father said that the reason they/we are financially unstable is because they drained their money to get me help and that he's dissapointed in the lack of results. That its been a financial investment and he's not seeing the outcome.
I feel like nothing but a problem.
I am nothing but a problem.
Why even go back to college, I could save them the trouble of paying and I can just die now. It would clearly be easier.
I can't get a gun right now (money) but I know they have one somewhere in the house I just can't find it, I have no clue where I'd hang myself as it would be blatantly cruel to do it in their house, and jumping or a train would traumatize others. If I can find a gun, and/or a location to do shoot myself or hang myself discreetly then I do not expect to live for the rest of the year.
I am tired. So very tired.
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