Venting My only goal left in life is to kill myself

[Dinozauria]

I used to have such big dreams, like I wanted to be a scientist my whole life. Growing up, I did fairly well in school (before anxiety got in the way of my attendance). I had everything set out for me, but nowadays I don't even care about getting a job. All I want to do is kill myself. Sure, I have one or two things I'm hanging on until autumn for, but as far as long term goals go, I just want it all to end.

I don't know how my life has gone from me being a high achieving student in highschool to somebody who stays inside most days doing nothing. I can hardly talk to people irl, let alone get the qualifications I missed in highschool at uni. Don't know what happened to make me fuck up this badly.

Feel free to share your own experiences if you feel similar to me

 

[unluckysadness]

It's my main goal too. I'm focus on it and I hope I'll achieve it soon. I hope we'll find peace.

 

[sorrymommy]

I also hope to manage it soon.

 

[Cyaneed]

I hope to die soon too

 

[hdead]

I do relate. It's like nothing else really interests me anymore, when it comes to a 'normal human life'. I don't know how my psyche got this messed up. Probably just too many experiences.

Too much internet, too many different hobbies, met too many different people, had too many girlfriends. I was just running around chasing my tail trying to find happiness. Whatever I tried I was met with my anxiety, fear of abandonment, boredom, meaninglesness. I genuinly feel like suicide is a goal, not an escape. I feel like it's a fitting end to my story. I will keep the motto "Live hard, die young" close and all I have to do is get rid of my guilt and regret before I go.

Anhedonia is a real thing, especially once you've tried so many things nothing new seems to be worthwhile anymore. I failed as a normal human, but I succeeded in getting the most out of my body. Too bad my psyche and of those around me couldn't keep up. It was a wild ride.

 

[tooafraidtodiez]

Yes after i enjoy things in life i wish to be gone. And hopefully it'll happen

 

[Le temps perdu]

I feel that the main goal and direction of my life has become ending my own life. I hope that we can all eventually find peace and relief.

 

[Alexandra_]

My only goal is to die. I think about death constantly, I long for it. I want to die because I want to be free from suffering

 

[Passenger4224]

I had dreams too. So much I wanted to achieve in life and hobbies, so many small things too.

One of my biggest goals is, I wanted to be the reason two people became close friends. That's it.

But every goal of mine has been thrown in the dumpster in favor of a permanent solution to a permanent problem.

 

[TAW122]

I'm feeling the same sentiments as well and after being in this world for more than three decades and a half, and still counting, I am long long overdue to exit this world. I've been wanting to exit this world since early adulthood, even before SaSu (this platform) existed. While I've delayed and postponed my CTB over the last decade or even many times, I'm getting closer and closer towards CTB. I've had good experiences and good things that allowed me to hold on a bit longer, but even then, eventually reality and dread sets in and ultimately, I still chose to CTB, but not before enjoying some more good memories and then finally making my decision to go on my own terms, before even worse falls and suffering awaits in the future... I'd rather go on a high note than wait for something worse to come and leave myself in a corner stuck with no way out...

 

[sotomie]

Yeah, I don't wake up thinking about what I want to build or accomplish, I'm thinking about death.

 

[caotic_realm]

I suppose it's the ultimate goal for most of us here—myself included.

My reasons are simple: life no longer appeals to me, and nothing motivates me. The only thing stopping me from dying is the pain—knowing that most methods are horrific, and that euthanasia or assisted dying is a luxury few can access. I would have to settle for hanging myself or overdosing on drugs; otherwise, living another 10, 20, or 30 years... No, please.

 

[urgent]

I'm in so much unbearable pain I wish I had a way to go now.

 

[pthnrdnojvsc]

my only rational goal is to kill myself as soon as possible

im not going to give personal reasons but general that apply to all including me. mine are exponentially worse than general

warning this is my opinion but I talk about extreme torture that is possible in this hell below

living is just risking pain that's worse every second than the peak of the brazen bull torture

this pain is agony a trillion times worse than one can imagine

the only way to be safe from such extreme torture is eternal Non-existence

I and every human is a brain that can suffer long lasting continuous constant unbearable pain as I tried to briefly describe above : but this is what they say is a beautiful gift that we have to be grateful for

 

[valar_morghulis21]

I do relate. It's like nothing else really interests me anymore, when it comes to a 'normal human life'. I don't know how my psyche got this messed up. Probably just too many experiences.

Too much internet, too many different hobbies, met too many different people, had too many girlfriends. I was just running around chasing my tail trying to find happiness. Whatever I tried I was met with my anxiety, fear of abandonment, boredom, meaninglesness. I genuinly feel like suicide is a goal, not an escape. I feel like it's a fitting end to my story. I will keep the motto "Live hard, die young" close and all I have to do is get rid of my guilt and regret before I go.

Anhedonia is a real thing, especially once you've tried so many things nothing new seems to be worthwhile anymore. I failed as a normal human, but I succeeded in getting the most out of my body. Too bad my psyche and of those around me couldn't keep up. It was a wild ride.

I'm on the same boat as you. From the outside, it seems like I'm living a fun and adventurous life. Well, I guess it was at some point. Now I'm just running on empty and loneliness, wishing this painful and pathetic existence would end soon.

 

[PeaceSeeker83]

Can definitely relate. 43 male here and feel old now (although it is relatively young to life expectancy). Been focused on dying since the start of this year. Something just clicked in my brain that said time is running out. Been there, done that. Everything has a limit I suppose.

 

[hihi2027]

Ive been thinking of ending it all since i entered mid(dle) school. Sure we have video games and escapism but once the screen turns off, your just left with an empty feeling realizing that you achieved more in the game than you have in years and years of life. Yeah, im long overdue for an early end at this point. its not a matter of if, just when

 

[fluorescentpearl]

My goal is to die for him, And waking up everyday is strange and uncomfortable, I keep counting the days and every minute spent without death feels pointless and meaningless, recently all I can do is think of dying, I can't drink or eat or do anything, I'm wasting away and giving myself possible permanent damage, all because I'm too tired to try, I hope I'll die soon, soon for him

 

[Manfrotto99]

I am in no situation, I have no resources, no money, no intelligence and no opportunnities to make goals - other than to ctb

 

[Captive_Mind515]

I just stumble through everyday, trying to keep the wheels on the track… it's exhausting. There's very little I get joy from, and I'm mostly just keeping so busy and distracted that one day blends into the next.

I can't really say I'm miserable or in terrible pain. But I just don't give a crap about this life anymore. I sat out at the lake with my dog yesterday, in our favourite quiet spot next to the forest, and I just feel completely at peace with becoming and non sentient part of this place. I wish I could lie down there, fall asleep with my best friend and just never wake up. It would be perfect.