Venting My only goal left in life is to kill myself

[Dinozauria]

I used to have such big dreams, like I wanted to be a scientist my whole life. Growing up, I did fairly well in school (before anxiety got in the way of my attendance). I had everything set out for me, but nowadays I don't even care about getting a job. All I want to do is kill myself. Sure, I have one or two things I'm hanging on until autumn for, but as far as long term goals go, I just want it all to end.

I don't know how my life has gone from me being a high achieving student in highschool to somebody who stays inside most days doing nothing. I can hardly talk to people irl, let alone get the qualifications I missed in highschool at uni. Don't know what happened to make me fuck up this badly.

Feel free to share your own experiences if you feel similar to me

 

[unluckysadness]

It's my main goal too. I'm focus on it and I hope I'll achieve it soon. I hope we'll find peace.

 

[sorrymommy]

I also hope to manage it soon.

 

[Cyaneed]

I hope to die soon too

 

[hdead]

I do relate. It's like nothing else really interests me anymore, when it comes to a 'normal human life'. I don't know how my psyche got this messed up. Probably just too many experiences.

Too much internet, too many different hobbies, met too many different people, had too many girlfriends. I was just running around chasing my tail trying to find happiness. Whatever I tried I was met with my anxiety, fear of abandonment, boredom, meaninglesness. I genuinly feel like suicide is a goal, not an escape. I feel like it's a fitting end to my story. I will keep the motto "Live hard, die young" close and all I have to do is get rid of my guilt and regret before I go.

Anhedonia is a real thing, especially once you've tried so many things nothing new seems to be worthwhile anymore. I failed as a normal human, but I succeeded in getting the most out of my body. Too bad my psyche and of those around me couldn't keep up. It was a wild ride.