my new plan with sn

[100memoryleaks]

my sn arrived today without a single issue. i felt like a kid on christmas opening up the package. it feels unreal and exciting, knowing i'm much closer to finally being at peace. i'm still waiting for the metoclopramide to be delivered but i hope it won't take long. i also still need to transfer the sn from the vacuum-sealed bag to some sort of container. i hope an empty pill bottle or glass jar would work. and also test it with my blood just to be absolutely sure.

here's my schedule:

day 1
8:00	10 mg metoclopramide
16:00	10 mg metoclopramide
24:00:00	10 mg metoclopramide
day 2
8:00	10 mg metoclopramide
13:00	10 mg metoclopramide
21:00	10 mg metoclopramide
	begin fasting
day 3
4:00	600 mg ibuprofen and 500 g gabapentin
4:20	30 mg metoclopramide
5:00	200 mg benadryl
	make 2 cups of water with 25g of SN each
	in case of vomiting, drink second cup of SN

after taking the last dose of metoclopramide i'll leave my house to go to the same location as my first attempt (in the forest), since i already know from last time that i won't be found there. i'm bringing a backpack with a bottle of water, paper cups, a spoon, a container with SN (i'll measure the correct amount beforehand), benadryl, my phone, earbuds, a hard surface to put the cups on, a bag in case of vomiting, and a blanket to lie down on. the benadryl is for the sedative effect, i'll take it right before the SN. the gabapentin is also for sedation.

once i drink it, i'm gonna lie down on the blanket, put on some music, and, hopefully, if i don't vomit, just go to sleep without waking up. :) i'm so excited i can hardly concentrate on anything else. i want to see my sweetheart again. he will finally know in spite of everything, just how much he means to me, just how much i love him. but i'm sure he's over me by now, especially with all the mistakes i've made and mental problems i've had. i understand his choice, i really do, and i hope he is happy now, living a peaceful life alone that he achieved with his own hard work. i hope he achieves all other dreams he had.

depending on when my metoclopramide arrives, i'll do it either before this weekend or next week. i'm scheduled to work on saturday, sunday, and tuesday (yeah, i should have probably quit my job if i knew i'd ctb, but i don't want to arise any sort of suspicions), doing it the day right before work seems kinda bad since i don't want my coworkers to find out i died by noticing i'm missing that day.

 

[DeathSweetDeath]

Blood test is not enough.
Two cups of water? It can't be over 50ml per cup.

 

[CrawlingInMySkin]

smiling for you rn, my friend :). I remember your thread about your last attempt, still terribly sorry. I'm glad you've got another one ready though. Just out of curiosity- what song are you thinking, or do you have a playlist? I personally will not ctb without music, if my headphones are dead the day I do it, I will postpone my date. I will not do it without music. Also- your process seems like it'd work. But I would also trust DeathSweetDeath, I'm not sure what else they mean by that but they're probably right. If you haven't yet, I'd check the SN megathread. Love and peace, mate

 

[100memoryleaks]

Blood test is not enough.
Two cups of water? It can't be over 50ml per cup.

ok, to be sure, i ordered aquarium test strips. they'll arrive tomorrow.

i might have to either estimate the water amount or just bring my food scale with me lmao. sucks that i can't just do it at home or at a hotel. both options will get me discovered easily :(

 

[letsnotmakeittoo22]

my sn arrived today without a single issue. i felt like a kid on christmas opening up the package. it feels unreal and exciting, knowing i'm much closer to finally being at peace. i'm still waiting for the metoclopramide to be delivered but i hope it won't take long. i also still need to transfer the sn from the vacuum-sealed bag to some sort of container. i hope an empty pill bottle or glass jar would work. and also test it with my blood just to be absolutely sure.

here's my schedule:

day 1
8:00	10 mg metoclopramide
16:00	10 mg metoclopramide
24:00:00	10 mg metoclopramide
day 2
8:00	10 mg metoclopramide
13:00	10 mg metoclopramide
21:00	10 mg metoclopramide
	begin fasting
day 3
4:00	600 mg ibuprofen and 500 g gabapentin
4:20	30 mg metoclopramide
5:00	200 mg benadryl
	make 2 cups of water with 25g of SN each
	in case of vomiting, drink second cup of SN

after taking the last dose of metoclopramide i'll leave my house to go to the same location as my first attempt (in the forest), since i already know from last time that i won't be found there. i'm bringing a backpack with a bottle of water, paper cups, a spoon, a container with SN (i'll measure the correct amount beforehand), benadryl, my phone, earbuds, a hard surface to put the cups on, a bag in case of vomiting, and a blanket to lie down on. the benadryl is for the sedative effect, i'll take it right before the SN. the gabapentin is also for sedation.

once i drink it, i'm gonna lie down on the blanket, put on some music, and, hopefully, if i don't vomit, just go to sleep without waking up. :) i'm so excited i can hardly concentrate on anything else. i want to see my sweetheart again. he will finally know in spite of everything, just how much he means to me, just how much i love him. but i'm sure he's over me by now, especially with all the mistakes i've made and mental problems i've had. i understand his choice, i really do, and i hope he is happy now, living a peaceful life alone that he achieved with his own hard work. i hope he achieves all other dreams he had.

depending on when my metoclopramide arrives, i'll do it either before this weekend or next week. i'm scheduled to work on saturday, sunday, and tuesday (yeah, i should have probably quit my job if i knew i'd ctb, but i don't want to arise any sort of suspicions), doing it the day right before work seems kinda bad since i don't want my coworkers to find out i died by noticing i'm missing that day.

Wishing you happiness, love and warmth.

 

[100memoryleaks]

smiling for you rn, my friend :). I remember your thread about your last attempt, still terribly sorry. I'm glad you've got another one ready though. Just out of curiosity- what song are you thinking, or do you have a playlist? I personally will not ctb without music, if my headphones are dead the day I do it, I will postpone my date. I will not do it without music. Also- your process seems like it'd work. But I would also trust DeathSweetDeath, I'm not sure what else they mean by that but they're probably right. If you haven't yet, I'd check the SN megathread. Love and peace, mate

thanks <3

i have a short playlist ready, but i'll probably pass out before it's over. i'm thinking these songs:
playboi carti - bando
and one - before i go
arianne - komm, susser tod
fly me to the moon (bayonetta version)

 

[DeathSweetDeath]

ok, to be sure, i ordered aquarium test strips. they'll arrive tomorrow.

i might have to either estimate the water amount or just bring my food scale with me lmao. sucks that i can't just do it at home or at a hotel. both options will get me discovered easily :(

I didn't buy a scale, but measuring spoons that measure in grams & pitchers that measure in ml's. Maybe you could use a measuring cup as 50 ml is a bit less than a quarter cup.

 

[CrawlingInMySkin]

thanks <3

i have a short playlist ready, but i'll probably pass out before it's over. i'm thinking these songs:
playboi carti - bando
and one - before i go
arianne - komm, susser tod
fly me to the moon (bayonetta version)

nice playlist! I love music, as you might've been able to tell. may you find nothing but peace before your ctb, my friend.

 

[100memoryleaks]

I didn't buy a scale, but measuring spoons that measure in grams & pitchers that measure in ml's. Maybe you could use a measuring cup as 50 ml is a bit less than a quarter cup.

i see. i might try to sneak the measuring cup from the kitchen into my backpack then. i'll try to look for the measuring spoons at the supermarket tomorrow

 

[100memoryleaks]

i tested my SN yesterday with the test strips and my own blood, it passed both tests. i weighed it out and separated 25 grams into two containers. on my ctb day all I have to do is add distilled water (using a small measuring cup that came with a bottle of cough syrup) and shake the containers. while I was at the store I also bought some antacids, they're pretty cheap anyway.

the only problem is my metoclopramide arrives NEXT MONDAY which unfortunately means I have to go to work this weekend and well... be alive.

i want my suffering to be over already. once I measured out my SN and separated all the other pills I need to take, I felt like I suddenly found the glowing exit sign after being trapped in a long corridor. or if you've ever played one of those exitlike games, it's like finally solving the last puzzle you need to beat the game.

 

[Die.A.Ria]

Was your sn from MIC? And how did you get meto

 

[100memoryleaks]

Was your sn from MIC? And how did you get meto

yes. and i got the meto from an online pharmacy

 

[100memoryleaks]

i wish my meto could come sooner... i regret not ordering it earlier so it could arrive at the same time as my SN. each day feels harder than the last, I don't want to endure another week of this pain. i feel so disgusting in my body too, i feel so ugly and gross and fat... i can feel that my legs have gotten thicker, my ribs and hip bones don't show the way they used to, I'm so ugly and all my hard work went to waste... sure, I have no one to look beautiful for anymore, but not even I can stand my own reflection and my disgusting body.

just venting, don't mind me... anyway the relevant part I wanted to talk about is that i lowkey want to ctb now without meto, I have the 2 containers with 25g of SN each now, I just have to add the water to them. is throwing up with SN really that bad? I've thrown up lots of times anyway... ugh I should probably wait so I can do it right, but it's seriously so unbearable, having to wait until Monday, and then going through another 2 days of the protocol. i want my suffering to be over already.

 

[fluorescentpearl]

i wish my meto could come sooner... i regret not ordering it earlier so it could arrive at the same time as my SN. each day feels harder than the last, I don't want to endure another week of this pain. i feel so disgusting in my body too, i feel so ugly and gross and fat... i can feel that my legs have gotten thicker, my ribs and hip bones don't show the way they used to, I'm so ugly and all my hard work went to waste... sure, I have no one to look beautiful for anymore, but not even I can stand my own reflection and my disgusting body.

just venting, don't mind me... anyway the relevant part I wanted to talk about is that i lowkey want to ctb now without meto, I have the 2 containers with 25g of SN each now, I just have to add the water to them. is throwing up with SN really that bad? I've thrown up lots of times anyway... ugh I should probably wait so I can do it right, but it's seriously so unbearable, having to wait until Monday, and then going through another 2 days of the protocol. i want my suffering to be over already.

I understand way too much : ( when I do it I won't be able to get access to anti emetics so I'll have to hope it works with just sn

 

[borderlineloser]

yes. and i got the meto from an online pharmacy

Where did you get meto without a prescription?

 

[geepeedee]

Where did you get meto without a prescription?

op is no longer with us.