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sserafim

sserafim

the darker the night, the brighter the stars
Sep 13, 2023
7,549
My mom called me a cancer. She said that I was like a tumor growing on her. She says that she's trying to help me, and that if I don't want to accept her help, then I should just "disappear". I told her that life itself is like a cancer to me. She rebuffed this by saying that I'm *her* cancer
 
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ijustwishtodie

ijustwishtodie

death will be my ultimate bliss
Oct 29, 2023
2,439
Your mum is cruel as hell. She first procreates knowing the risks and responsibilities that she'll have by doing so and now she's getting pissed over you despite making you alive in the first place? I hate how cruel some parents can be. Also, I relate to life being like a cancer to me. If I had a choice to be aborted, I'd take it immediately as I never wanted to live to begin with
 
sserafim

sserafim

the darker the night, the brighter the stars
Sep 13, 2023
7,549
Yeah, I'm sorry that she told you that. Your parents sound like pieces shit.
It's just annoying because she says that I'm a burden on her back yet she's the one who brought me into existence. I never even wanted to exist at all. I'm in this world purely due to her selfish reasons
Jesus Christ.
That obviously is helping so so much. What a good job.
What is she doing to help you, then?
She wants me to go to these autism career support services and to get a job and eventually become independent. She says that I'm not her responsibility anymore, and that she has no legal obligation or responsibility to continue taking care of me. She wants me to be on my own someday, probably sometime soon
 
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E

Endisclose

Experienced
Oct 23, 2023
274
She said that I was like a cancer growing on her. She says that she's trying to help me and that I should just disappear. I told her that life was like a cancer to me
Oh my god! I am so sorry you are being treated like this by your own mother. I wish you a durable peace sooner rather than suffering from people like this.. I don't think I'll be able to survive for one minute in an environment like that. That is no way to talk to someone already facing difficulties from a condition that they were born with and came about due to no fault of their own 🥺.
 
derpyderpins

derpyderpins

Misery Minimization Activist
Sep 19, 2023
309
She said that I was like a cancer, like a tumor growing on her. She says that she's trying to help me and that if I don't want her help, I should just "disappear". I told her that life was like a cancer to me. She rebuffed this by saying that I'm *her* cancer
That's . . . awful, and I'm sorry you're in this situation. The relationship is so strained at this point, something is going to have to give.

What is she doing to help you, then?
She wants me to go to these autism career support services and to get a job and eventually become independent.

Is there any support that is trying to help you cope rather than just get a job, such as therapy? She's clearly frustrated, and I don't think she understands at all, but that's just making it worse. She probably grew up without much acknowledgment of mental health problems. You have a lot to work through, but are clearly insightful based on all of your postings here. You need support your parents don't seem to be capable of giving you without admitting their way isn't working.

Have you ever lived outside their house, or have you always been with them?
 
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Yarani

Yarani

the only constant is change.
Mar 29, 2024
105
She wants me to go to these autism career support services and to get a job and eventually become independent. She says that I'm not her responsibility anymore, and that she has no legal obligation or responsibility to continue taking care of me. She wants me to be on my own someday, probably sometime soon
Okay. Have you two ever sincerely discussed what you feel, think and need?

Also, what derpyderpins said. Don't see how someone who currently wants to die is supposed to be able to start working.
 
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V

veinofether

Member
Mar 31, 2024
8
I'm sorry, I know how it feels. I'm an adult still living at home (working full time but can't afford rent here) with a similarly abusive parent. It's like damn if you hate me so much why did you bring me into this world? Some parents are so fucking selfish. I look at people that have loving parents that are happy to have them at home still and even let them stay home rent free to save for a mortgage and it's just like damn, couldn't be me! Mine has kicked me out once and has asked why I don't go live in a hostel.. so yeah. I totally get it.
 
Arachno

Arachno

oh no :(
Apr 10, 2023
161
Those are such nasty things to say to someone, I'm sorry :(
I can't imagine myself calling someone my cancer or something like that.
 
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sserafim

sserafim

the darker the night, the brighter the stars
Sep 13, 2023
7,549
Okay. Have you two ever sincerely discussed what you feel, think and need?

Also, what derpyderpins said. Don't see how someone who currently wants to die is supposed to be able to start working.
No, I don't think we have. The weird thing is that she'd be okay with me dying though. She said that she would give me money for VAD/MAiD, and that I don't actually want to die, I'm just lazy (because I haven't ctb yet). I told her that dying was hard and she said that everything is hard. She said that if I actually want to die, then I should just go die. She wants me to get off of her back because she doesn't want to support me forever. She says that she can't imagine the rest of her life like this (me living off of her)
That's . . . awful, and I'm sorry you're in this situation. The relationship is so strained at this point, something is going to have to give.



Is there any support that is trying to help you cope rather than just get a job, such as therapy? She's clearly frustrated, and I don't think she understands at all, but that's just making it worse. She probably grew up without much acknowledgment of mental health problems. You have a lot to work through, but are clearly insightful based on all of your postings here. You need support your parents don't seem to be capable of giving you without admitting their way isn't working.

Have you ever lived outside their house, or have you always been with them?
I went away for college, but apart from that, I've always been with my mom. I've also lived with my relatives in China for one summer. It was just me with them, my mom and sister didn't go. I've also gone on hiking trips because of this program (DofE aka International Award) and did a cooking program in England, but it was only for like a week lol
 
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derpyderpins

derpyderpins

Misery Minimization Activist
Sep 19, 2023
309
The weird thing is that she'd be okay with me dying though.
She may think that, but she's wrong. You're her child who has been with her for many years. If you died, no matter what she says now or what she thinks is logical, she would feel an emptiness and sadness that we can't understand. It's evolution telling mothers either (1) don't let this happen to any other kids you have, and/or (2) you done fucked up, so be too sad to have more kids because you're just getting in the way.

What do you need?
I honestly don't know

Well, that's step one then. I guess we could say what you need is to figure out what you need.
 
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derpyderpins

derpyderpins

Misery Minimization Activist
Sep 19, 2023
309
I went away for college, but apart from that, I've always been with my mom. I've also lived with my relatives in China for one summer. It was just me with them, my mom and sister didn't go. I also did a cooking program in England but it was only for like a week lol

How was it living in those situations compared to when you are at home? Also that cooking program sounds fun even if fast.
 
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derpyderpins

derpyderpins

Misery Minimization Activist
Sep 19, 2023
309
I liked living with my relatives. The cooking program was to get the gold award for the DofE
Then maybe what you need is to not live with your parents. I know that is scary and aligns with what your mom wants, but there's at least some evidence we have that you are less miserable when not living with them.
 
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Linda

Linda

Member
Jul 30, 2020
1,215
It's understandable that she doesn't want to support you forever. You are an adult, and at some point you become responsible for supporting yourself. She could - and should - have expressed herself better, but perhaps she was just feeling frustrated.
I think you have to face the fact that at some point you must either accept adult responsibilities, or take the other route. The choice is yours. You won't be able to put off that choice forever, and judging from how your mother seems to be feeling you may not be able to put it off much longer.
I have already suggested what I think is your best way forward. Get out into the world for a year or so, and see how it goes. If it's a success, that's great. If it's a disaster, you can choose to ctb at the end of it, knowing that you tried your best to make life succeed.
 
sserafim

sserafim

the darker the night, the brighter the stars
Sep 13, 2023
7,549
Okay. And would you like to?
I guess so
Then maybe what you need is to not live with your parents. I know that is scary and aligns with what your mom wants, but there's at least some evidence we have that you are less miserable when not living with them.
I'm scared of being independent though. I don't want to be on my own. By the way, a while back, my mom said that I should go to live in our other apartment (which is empty, no one lives there) to learn independent living and how to be self-sufficient. I should have taken her up on that offer. It's much better than going to a group home (which is what my psychiatrist suggested)
 
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letsgetittogo

letsgetittogo

Barbiturate Summer :p
Nov 11, 2023
199
That's really shitty, Jesus. Parents seem to want the "best" for their kids, but they go about expressing it in the worst ways humanly possible.

I'm sorry that happened to you. So ideally, she wants you to get a job AND move out AND be independent all relatively soon?? That feels like an insane amount of expectations, and mega unrealistic.
 

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