I need to give up on my mom.

[1monthwait]

Yesterday I was reminded for the hundredth time that her love for me is purely conditional, and is waining at that.

I doubt she will ever change.

She's 51 going to be 52 and I just realized what is the likely good for someone so set in their ways to change?

Of course I'm sad that she doesn't value me and was never what she should have been to help me growing up, but I'm more upset and frustrated about her paranoia and hoarding.

I need to accept that she'll never change…though I will most likely be leaving to live somewhere else soon, it makes me sad my younger siblings will still deal with her symptoms.


I'll probably make another vent about her, but tell me, have anyone you felt like you needed to give up on someone for your own sake?

 

[Life_and_Death]

but tell me, have anyone you felt like you needed to give up on someone for your own sake?

yeah, at 16 i told my (step) father that i never wanted him or my mother speaking to me again or ill call the cops.
to this day (just shy of 10yrs later).....its hard to not want a mom and dad...its hard to not want whats normal.

but i guess thats what 'radical acceptance' is for..

 

[timf]

Many abusive victims find cutting out toxic people a survival strategy. Sometimes later communication (such as letter writing) might be a way to reach out.

 

[WhatDoesTheFoxSay?]

Yes!

There's this saying that you can't spell "smother" without "mother". But no, just because you're my mother, doesn't mean I will let you do whatever whatever you please.

I will not set myself on fire to keep others warm. And Dad, what you really wanted was a pet, not a (human) child.

The moment I realised that my worst enemies have been my family along it was though a Dark Age had come to an end.

 

[JoysoftheEmptiness]

I walked away from my mum a long time ago, she took my brother's side on every single issue, he was a convicted thief, I have no criminal convictions, I served in the military, my brother didn't, I went to college and university, my brother didn't, I learnt the classical languages, Hebrew, Greek, Latin, he didn't. Still, mum took his side, so I said goodbye and walked away from her. One of the saddest days of my life, but it had to be done. Walking away from your parents won't be easy, but if it needs doing, then do it.

 

[MidnightCat]

My mom is around the same age.

She changed "a little" 4 years back and it's a little better. I cannot have high hopes like... She returning my phone calls if she doesn't need something.

But it's better from what she was like.

You can put some distance, that helped me. You'll end up learning to not expect much (you'll have a hard time not expecting nothing, but not exciting much is quite easier).

Sometimes it's just better to let it go.

 

[1monthwait]

I walked away from my mum a long time ago, she took my brother's side on every single issue, he was a convicted thief, I have no criminal convictions, I served in the military, my brother didn't, I went to college and university, my brother didn't, I learnt the classical languages, Hebrew, Greek, Latin, he didn't. Still, mum took his side, so I said goodbye and walked away from her. One of the saddest days of my life, but it had to be done. Walking away from your parents won't be easy, but if it needs doing, then do it.

It's eerie how similar your story is to mine, only thing missing is the day I'm finally able to break free ‍

 

[Jack_Nimble]

This book would probs shed light on the reasoning behind the personalities. As well as offer knowledge on healing.

I wish this book could be shared with the offending, damage creating parents. But chances are unless they decide on their own they want help to be better....the book would likely serve as an offense to them.

Here's the audiobook for free. It can of course be bought in physical paper to read if one wanted.