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stinky_joe

New Member
Jul 3, 2024
3
Almost 6 months ago i saw her profile in the comment section of an instagram reel and i tried a pickup line which I thought was funny and weird but it worked and we started talking every single day all day. We had a 9 hour time difference but as long as we were both awake we would be texting each other. We had so much in common and she was so cute and sweet I instantly fell in love with her. We'd play mobile games together and then talk about how much we loved each other and send a bunch of heart emojis. My love for her was getting stronger day by day and probably her love for me too. We would send each other pics almost everyday, i had over 4000 pics of her when she left me. I wanted a future with her and I was so damn sure that we could make it happen, she would always promise me that everything would work out and she would never give up no matter what and would never ever leave me. I trusted her with all my heart without a doubt.

When summer came our conversations started feeling dry and we mostly played games. She was starting to slowly fall out of love with me.

I'd ask her not to wear very short and tight shorts and she would be ok with it. She'd still wear them time to time but whatever it was rare. And i asked her would she be ok with me swimming without a shirt at the beach (im a male) or would she want me ro wear one and she asked me to wear a shirt and i always did. One day she asked me why I didnt want her to wear those shorts and I just told her that I didnt feel comfortable about it etc. and then she asked me what I'd do if she wore a micro bikini to a beach and i told her that she might aswell just be naked and we kind of argued a little and I asked her why she wanted me to wear a shirt while swimming and she told me that she didn't care. We stopped texting for a while and then she asked me "Do you only love me for my body?". That question broke my heart since I always did my best to be a good boyfriend and I would always tell her how much I loved her. After a bit of talking she apologised and said that she was being dumb but none of us could forget that moment.

After a few days she told me that her mom went through her phone (She still lived with her family and her mom is a little strict) and found about me and read some of our conversations (just innocent talking and I love you's) and nudes of me and her (because she was too lazy to delete her own and she didn't hide mine well). She told me that her mom wouls call her names and yell at her even though she is an adult.

After a few days I told her that we weren't as close as we used to be and wanted to talk about the stuff that happened and told her maybe we should take a break. She wanted to think about it and later that day she told me that she wanted to break up. I didn't know what to do, it felt like my world was collapsing. She was the first one to genuinely love me for who I was and I was so attached to her. I didn't wanna end it and tried to talk her out of it but she would give me short answers like "yh" and "ok". It felt like I was talking to a whole different person that day. She told me that she wanted to focus on herself and that I was a burden because she let me be a burden to her. Nothing she said made sense to me. I wasn't ready for this breakup since I was so sure that we would have a future together. She was the meaning of my life, before her I didn't see a reason to live but after i met her my life goal was to be with her. She seemed so careless while breaking up and that hurt the most. It seemed like she hated me. She told me that she still loved me but less. My relationship collapsed in just a week. Now I don't know what to do... We even have little tattoos of our initials that we made with small needles and pen ink. She said she wanted to get it professionally done in the future to remember our good memories but i doubt that.

The first 2 days were really bad i struggkef with eating ansid felt like I was gonna throw up all day. Right now i can eat better but I still can't stop thinking about her. I feel dead all day, I don't know what I'm gonna do. She was my love my best friend and my soulmate and she left me. I don't wanna live anymore, I'm so pathetic for getting so attached to someone ive never met in real life. I'm still not sure why all of this happened.

Thank you if you read all that, my thoughts are just flying inside my head right now so the text is pretty messy.
 
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hoodymend

hoodymend

Member
Jun 24, 2024
9
Time will heal this wound. Suicidal thoughts over breakups usually don't last
 
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stinky_joe

New Member
Jul 3, 2024
3
Time will heal this wound. Suicidal thoughts over breakups usually don't last
I used to be pretty depressed before i met her tho i didn't have a reason to live but of course im way worse now but yeah i just need time i guess.
 
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Serial Experi Pain

Serial Experi Pain

I hate me more :P
Sep 12, 2023
80
If you need to control or worry about how someone dresses then you need to find someone who already dresses that way. Why would you attempt to change people> That always leads to unhappiness for the other person, it's that simple.
However, you're not pathetic for getting attached to someone you've never met. With gaming and the internet, it's easier to be chronically online and to find like-minded people now more than ever before! It just sucks because they are often a long way away. I have absolutely fallen for and become extremely attached to people I will never get the chance to meet.

I can tell you one of my worst experiences ever if it will help you feel less foolish or like you're the only one who has ever been pitiful in that sense. <3

I was stupidly depressed over someone I spoke to online for at least a year after we stopped talking, even though we only spoke for 6 months.

I gave up on a 4-year relationship. I mean, it wasn't much of a relationship by then since the relationship had been fizzling out for about a year, the sex was forced on me constantly, I was the only income despite being disabled, and he refused to spend time with me at all... Then, randomly, in came someone who replied to me on a social site I'd just started tinkering on out of boredom. We had a million things in common, had the same sort of sense of humor, enjoyed the same games, and were fascinated with exchanging ideas and interests. We talked a little and then it became nonstop...

When I realized I felt even the most minor endearment towards this individual, I told my BF at the time it was "a minor crush" because I had always had exes who kept secrets. I refused to do the same and wanted to be honest about my feelings with my partner. But I also said that "because of this other man's mental health issues and MY OWN we would likely end up not talking within 3 months." However, my BF at the time started reading all my private messages even though I wasn't flirting or sending pics or nudes. He started sitting in and listening to all of my psychiatry and counseling appointments. He would keep me up until 3 in the morning to "talk," which was either to argue and say "I needed to stop talking to my new friend or give him sex" (yes, he literally said he didn't care if I spoke with this guy as long as I shut up and put out whenever he said to) until I was in tears. He told our massive mutual friend group I "was cheating" and that the times I had told him no to sex/about sex, "I didn't mean it, I was trying to make him look bad" (which was far from the truth, and he knew it because I had offered him an open relationship on his end so his needs could be met without me, in an attempt to compromise, which I will never do again).

I broke up with my ex because he basically went insane with insecurities, which I do blame myself for to an extent. Was I wrong to tell him? Was I wrong for making this friend even though he had been neglecting me in every other way? Was it my fault he reacted the way he did? Would things have been different if I had just not said anything and just stayed friends with the person? Either way, I'm a shitty liar, and if he would have asked, I would have told him the truth.

About 3 months later, I ended up being right about the other guy. He freaked out around when we were supposed to meet, he had double standards in the double digits, deflected with no self-reflection, and in the end, actually turned out to be extremely scary in ways I'd never have imagined, which was horrifying because this was someone I was in love with by that point. It was only a step below when I was on a dating site, had given up hope, found someone amazing, and then he was like "So, there's something I haven't told you yet." I said, "The two worst things it could be is if you say you're married or an axe murderer, so you better get to showing me your axe collection." There was no axe collection. He also did not like me dating other people.

We all fuck up lol, but this is why I do not like people who are insecure with their partners.
 
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stinky_joe

New Member
Jul 3, 2024
3
If you need to control or worry about how someone dresses then you need to find someone who already dresses that way. Why would you attempt to change people> That always leads to unhappiness for the other person, it's that simple.
Ur right i totally agree with you but she would always say that she didnt care and I always tried to be nice like "you dont have to but it would make me happy" but suddenly it became a big deal for her i guess.

Im sorry for your unfortunate relationships I guess its not the best idea to look for a partner on the internet :) I think its important to not rely on other people to make you happy and to be able to find happiness without needing anyone so I'll try to work on that.
 
Serial Experi Pain

Serial Experi Pain

I hate me more :P
Sep 12, 2023
80
Im sorry for your unfortunate relationships I guess its not the best idea to look for a partner on the internet :) I think its important to not rely on other people to make you happy and to be able to find happiness without needing anyone so I'll try to work on that.
Sometimes we, and I mean "we" as in people in general, will compromise on things and realize later that it wasn't something we were truly comfortable with (like, I honestly HIGHLY doubt my ex would have been fine with me still talking to the friend I made even if I had agreed to his terms). There's nothing wrong with trying to find someone who is the right fit for you and naturally does these things out of habit or preference :)


The idea that the internet is somehow a safer bet- That's a big reason I've stayed away from relationships for years now. I've had a few times where I likely could have just situation-shipped myself into one like I always have in the past, but I refused. It's unlikely I'll meet anyone anywhere else, but I have accepted being alright with my own company for the most part. I'm also insecure, but not about my partners (not the jealous type), but about myself in the sense that I can't accept a simple compliment so I'm definitely FUBAR, and I don't want anyone to have to deal with that bullshit.
I always had that debate often with others. How "It's selfish to depend on other people to make yourself happy", let alone ONE person.
I have never been one to feel relying on others for my happiness is a healthy mechanism. People are flawed. To err is human- fuck the rest. We are fallible beings. It will happen, they are bound to let you down at some point in some way so it isn't as if we can expect perfection. So, yep, I agree with you.


When I'm abandoned or I've pushed someone away it feels like someone has died. I know they're alive, but it literally feels like they're dead to me. I gave a piece of myself to them, and what happened between the two of us- it's now a piece of me, but it's gone. I've also heard people rationalize it as we hurt over it because we're mourning an entire idea of a life we looked forward to, only to realize we would never experience it. We all experience grief differently. I don't think what you're feeling is out of the norm at all when it comes to a broken heart. I'm sorry you're going through it. I had no supports at the end of my relationship since I had been cut off from nearly everyone... That's why I always worry about people who are the types that don't allow you to have friends.
No matter what you do, I hope it works out in your favor... If you have any supports rely on them at the moment. If you need to isolate, that's cool, but just try to at least have one person you can bitch to. (just my recommendation for helping to stay sane).
 
Edpal247

Edpal247

Student
Jul 9, 2024
173
I used to be pretty depressed before i met her tho i didn't have a reason to live but of course im way worse now but yeah i just need time i guess.
It sounds like you never met IRL? Is that correct? If so, she was basically having some fun with a dude who gave her attention. Time will heal this. I've been catfished AND scammed - some people just kind suck.
 
Spreadingmywings

Spreadingmywings

Member
May 22, 2019
77
Almost 6 months ago i saw her profile in the comment section of an instagram reel and i tried a pickup line which I thought was funny and weird but it worked and we started talking every single day all day. We had a 9 hour time difference but as long as we were both awake we would be texting each other. We had so much in common and she was so cute and sweet I instantly fell in love with her. We'd play mobile games together and then talk about how much we loved each other and send a bunch of heart emojis. My love for her was getting stronger day by day and probably her love for me too. We would send each other pics almost everyday, i had over 4000 pics of her when she left me. I wanted a future with her and I was so damn sure that we could make it happen, she would always promise me that everything would work out and she would never give up no matter what and would never ever leave me. I trusted her with all my heart without a doubt.

When summer came our conversations started feeling dry and we mostly played games. She was starting to slowly fall out of love with me.

I'd ask her not to wear very short and tight shorts and she would be ok with it. She'd still wear them time to time but whatever it was rare. And i asked her would she be ok with me swimming without a shirt at the beach (im a male) or would she want me ro wear one and she asked me to wear a shirt and i always did. One day she asked me why I didnt want her to wear those shorts and I just told her that I didnt feel comfortable about it etc. and then she asked me what I'd do if she wore a micro bikini to a beach and i told her that she might aswell just be naked and we kind of argued a little and I asked her why she wanted me to wear a shirt while swimming and she told me that she didn't care. We stopped texting for a while and then she asked me "Do you only love me for my body?". That question broke my heart since I always did my best to be a good boyfriend and I would always tell her how much I loved her. After a bit of talking she apologised and said that she was being dumb but none of us could forget that moment.

After a few days she told me that her mom went through her phone (She still lived with her family and her mom is a little strict) and found about me and read some of our conversations (just innocent talking and I love you's) and nudes of me and her (because she was too lazy to delete her own and she didn't hide mine well). She told me that her mom wouls call her names and yell at her even though she is an adult.

After a few days I told her that we weren't as close as we used to be and wanted to talk about the stuff that happened and told her maybe we should take a break. She wanted to think about it and later that day she told me that she wanted to break up. I didn't know what to do, it felt like my world was collapsing. She was the first one to genuinely love me for who I was and I was so attached to her. I didn't wanna end it and tried to talk her out of it but she would give me short answers like "yh" and "ok". It felt like I was talking to a whole different person that day. She told me that she wanted to focus on herself and that I was a burden because she let me be a burden to her. Nothing she said made sense to me. I wasn't ready for this breakup since I was so sure that we would have a future together. She was the meaning of my life, before her I didn't see a reason to live but after i met her my life goal was to be with her. She seemed so careless while breaking up and that hurt the most. It seemed like she hated me. She told me that she still loved me but less. My relationship collapsed in just a week. Now I don't know what to do... We even have little tattoos of our initials that we made with small needles and pen ink. She said she wanted to get it professionally done in the future to remember our good memories but i doubt that.

The first 2 days were really bad i struggkef with eating ansid felt like I was gonna throw up all day. Right now i can eat better but I still can't stop thinking about her. I feel dead all day, I don't know what I'm gonna do. She was my love my best friend and my soulmate and she left me. I don't wanna live anymore, I'm so pathetic for getting so attached to someone ive never met in real life. I'm still not sure why all of this happened.

Thank you if you read all that, my thoughts are just flying inside my head right now so the text is pretty messy.
Your pain and confusion are completely valid, given how deeply you connected with her. It's clear you shared a profound bond, making the sudden shift and breakup incredibly hard to process. The emotional intensity of long-distance relationships, especially when they become your main source of happiness and purpose, can be overwhelming.

The complexities you described—cultural differences, personal insecurities, and the intense involvement of family—can all strain a relationship, especially one maintained virtually. It seems like the initial conflict about clothing preferences sparked deeper insecurities and misunderstandings that neither of you could fully resolve, and her mother's interference likely added significant pressure.

It's understandable to feel devastated, especially when you had intertwined your identity and future so closely with her. Here are a few things to consider:

1. Grieve and Process: Allow yourself to grieve the loss. It's a significant emotional investment, and acknowledging your feelings is crucial. Writing, talking to friends, or even seeking professional counseling can help process these emotions.

2. Self-Care: Focus on taking care of yourself. Establish routines that include healthy eating, exercise, and activities that bring you joy. Reconnecting with hobbies or interests can provide a distraction and a sense of normalcy.

3. Reflect: Reflect on the relationship. What did you learn about yourself? What aspects were fulfilling, and what challenges arose? This reflection can help you understand your needs and boundaries better for future relationships.

4. Community Support: Lean on friends, family, or support groups. Sharing your experience with others who can offer empathy and understanding can be incredibly comforting.

5. Future Perspective: Remember that this experience, while intensely painful, is also part of your personal growth. It's okay to feel lost now, but over time, you will find new purpose and connections.

While the pain feels unbearable now, with time and self-compassion, you will heal and rediscover your own strength and resilience.
 
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