My little sister might kill herself now because of me, Our bond is ruined

[Idiotic]

I have ruined my bond with my little sister.
She barged into the room while I was looking for more pills that belong to my mother-in-law. I already had a bottle of oxycodone in my hand.
when she barged in I quickly hid it behind my back in my palms. She saw that quickly. She's 14, and as curious as she can get, she asks what I'm doing. and "what're you hiding.?" I'm already stressed as is because I shouldn't be in the room while she is in the house. She went over to me and tried to get whatever she thought was in my hands and I backed into the corner. I told her "it's nothing".. but she kept refusing, maybe because I was hesitant and seemed like I was hiding something.(I was obviously.) She said she'd get mother involved. That's what made me feel fucking worse.
For context, my mother-in-law is an asshole. She does nothing but abuse her drugs she gets from her doctors and her friend. She's insanely mental when it comes to any of us two in her bedroom. She doesn't want us to take her pills or find them, (Even though she knows that Im aware of what she does behind our backs!!!)
I gave in. I showed her the bottle and I quickly said that it's something she should not worry about, the look on her face looked like she was going to run out and tell on me. But I grabbed her shoulder and firmly said that if she found out I had these she'd have us BOTH beaten or fucking killed... that kept her quiet for a moment before she was visibly upset.
At this point, I was shaking tremendously. I felt like I had to cover up what I was doing but Im incredibly sensitive nowadays, and get emotional to every encounter I have. Now she was definitely suspicious but still upset. what was going through her head, I don't know. but to me she looked as if she was still curious but aware that she needs to be quiet. she then looks at the bottle and immediately says "are you going to put those back?" (i felt like I had to be honest, I'm already vulnerable, so I told her why I was in here.) "Nope, I need these, just like mother does, it might cure something of mine, I got pain to deal with." I shouldn't have said that. She told me she had pain she wants to deal with too. (I'm saying WTF in my head, because she's 14, I never would've thought she has anything negative in her head yet, but I WAS FUCKING WRONG!)
I'm shaken as shit and I say "No, this is for me, what do you mean you also have pain, your back hurts or something?"
She said she meant something inside of her hurts and she wants it to end.( I'm already shocked as shit, I thought she had everything good going for her,?) I can't dive deeper into what she told me, it's rather personal. The part thar ruined my bond with her is towards the end of our talk. she asked.."If i took any of these, you think it'd end like you want your pain to end too?" Nah. Nah. Internally I felt GUILT. I shouldn't have even told her anything. I let myself be vulnerable enough to get her into the mindset of thinking my mother-in-laws drugs can make her feel "better" and that her pain inside could be dealt with and end, "just like me".
I was a role model to her, the bigger brother of the home, protective and perfect. I felt like soon as she kept giving me her reasons why she wants us to share the pills I just felt myself crumble inside. It's ruined, she's now in the mindset of wanting to take them and possibly die.
Now, how the hell do I stop her from this now, ?? She's going to definitely try and get into the room again and possibly take after me and steal my mother-in-laws pills. Just like she found me doing. She's ruined now because of me. I didn't know she was hurting or anything.

If she manages to take any if those pills, without us knowing, What's going to happen to her? What will happen if she overdoses..
She's too little to me. Will she die..??? What will the drugs do to her head?
Somethings telling me I fucked up big time. I can't have her kill herself now all because of my stupidity. She'll do it and be sneaky. I feel like she's going to do something.

Now she sees me way different, I fucked this all up. I ruined our bond.

 

[freedompass]

I'm confused. You say 'mother in law', so you're married? You also mention mother. Your sister will not ctb 'because of you' but I do understand your feeling of guilt. Whether your mother in law is an asshole or not going in her room to steal her meds is not a good thing to be doing. Scaring your sister by telling her you both will be beaten or killed is also not cool.

This doesn't have to 'ruin your bond' with your sister. Maybe you can turn it around and open up a more honest discussion of how you are both feeling mental health wise. In my opinion that should start with you acknowledging that what you did was wrong. It's good that you care about your sis and want to protect her, so try to build on that.

 

[bear_trapped]

it sounds like she was already in a lot of pain and wanted to end things before she saw you with the pills, please do not blame yourself for that

 

[Smart No More]

There's a simple solution. Tell her they're too strong for her and (as you said you were going to be honest with her) tell her you also shouldn't be taking them. Explain that you were in the wrong and that you fear you have just influenced her to do something wrong too which you never intended. Then make it clear that those meds won't take away her pain or cure it. If she can see that you were wrong and you know it that will totally cancel out the previous influence you feel you had on her.

 

[Sleeper System]

You can create some elaborate lie and be a hypocrite.

You can come clean about how you feel and maybe you two can get through this together.

You can convince her to ctb with you.

No matter what you want to do the outcome will not be clear.
It could go one of a million ways. Such is life.

This was bound to happen. Don't blame yourself. You are falling through life just like everyone else. We all make choices. Your sister made hers when her curiosity got the better of her. It's not her fault or yours. Just continue falling through life and go in whatever path comes to pass.

 

[makethepainstop]

Wow! That didn't go well. I'd think of some plausible lie to cover my actions and then apologize for her having interpreted the events incorrectly. If one is willing to cbt then one should scruple about a few beneficial lies to smooth the way.

 

[Hollowillow]

I have ruined my bond with my little sister.
She barged into the room while I was looking for more pills that belong to my mother-in-law. I already had a bottle of oxycodone in my hand.
when she barged in I quickly hid it behind my back in my palms. She saw that quickly. She's 14, and as curious as she can get, she asks what I'm doing. and "what're you hiding.?" I'm already stressed as is because I shouldn't be in the room while she is in the house. She went over to me and tried to get whatever she thought was in my hands and I backed into the corner. I told her "it's nothing".. but she kept refusing, maybe because I was hesitant and seemed like I was hiding something.(I was obviously.) She said she'd get mother involved. That's what made me feel fucking worse.
For context, my mother-in-law is an asshole. She does nothing but abuse her drugs she gets from her doctors and her friend. She's insanely mental when it comes to any of us two in her bedroom. She doesn't want us to take her pills or find them, (Even though she knows that Im aware of what she does behind our backs!!!)
I gave in. I showed her the bottle and I quickly said that it's something she should not worry about, the look on her face looked like she was going to run out and tell on me. But I grabbed her shoulder and firmly said that if she found out I had these she'd have us BOTH beaten or fucking killed... that kept her quiet for a moment before she was visibly upset.
At this point, I was shaking tremendously. I felt like I had to cover up what I was doing but Im incredibly sensitive nowadays, and get emotional to every encounter I have. Now she was definitely suspicious but still upset. what was going through her head, I don't know. but to me she looked as if she was still curious but aware that she needs to be quiet. she then looks at the bottle and immediately says "are you going to put those back?" (i felt like I had to be honest, I'm already vulnerable, so I told her why I was in here.) "Nope, I need these, just like mother does, it might cure something of mine, I got pain to deal with." I shouldn't have said that. She told me she had pain she wants to deal with too. (I'm saying WTF in my head, because she's 14, I never would've thought she has anything negative in her head yet, but I WAS FUCKING WRONG!)
I'm shaken as shit and I say "No, this is for me, what do you mean you also have pain, your back hurts or something?"
She said she meant something inside of her hurts and she wants it to end.( I'm already shocked as shit, I thought she had everything good going for her,?) I can't dive deeper into what she told me, it's rather personal. The part thar ruined my bond with her is towards the end of our talk. she asked.."If i took any of these, you think it'd end like you want your pain to end too?" Nah. Nah. Internally I felt GUILT. I shouldn't have even told her anything. I let myself be vulnerable enough to get her into the mindset of thinking my mother-in-laws drugs can make her feel "better" and that her pain inside could be dealt with and end, "just like me".
I was a role model to her, the bigger brother of the home, protective and perfect. I felt like soon as she kept giving me her reasons why she wants us to share the pills I just felt myself crumble inside. It's ruined, she's now in the mindset of wanting to take them and possibly die.
Now, how the hell do I stop her from this now, ?? She's going to definitely try and get into the room again and possibly take after me and steal my mother-in-laws pills. Just like she found me doing. She's ruined now because of me. I didn't know she was hurting or anything.

If she manages to take any if those pills, without us knowing, What's going to happen to her? What will happen if she overdoses..
She's too little to me. Will she die..??? What will the drugs do to her head?
Somethings telling me I fucked up big time. I can't have her kill herself now all because of my stupidity. She'll do it and be sneaky. I feel like she's going to do something.

Now she sees me way different, I fucked this all up. I ruined our bond.

Sorry for stalking your posts, I'm glad you shared in here.

Your mother in law is disturbed and abusive, of course it's going to affect her too. She's starved for love. She sounds like she thinks her mother does good by using drugs to flee pain. She might not know you wanted to kill yourself. Or she was thinking of suicide before you...

You didn't ruin your bond. Telling her you'll bith get killed if she talks might give her traumas... But you can undo it.

This is your chance to truly bond with her. To save her. And even yourself.

Bonds over pains are deeper.

Sit down with her and apoligize.

Tell her that her heart hurts because she needs love, care, not pills. The mother is wrong to use pills to try to flee her wounded heart. Tell her that you took the pills to kill yourself, but you were wrong because the chance of success is too low, you'd just hurt yourself... Or the people around you by replacing your heart with pills.

Tell her that you were wrong to scream at her but you were scared to get hurt if she told on you.

Tell her that you're both in pain, but from now on, you'll tell each other, you'll hug, you'll comfort each other. Maybe then the mom can learn from your example. Or you can find solace in each other and try to grow saner...

Someday you'll both leave the house... You can find how to heal the pain without pills, by being kind for each other.

I understand that you want to flee... But sometimes opening your heart is all it takes.

You don't have to die. Your bond didn't die.

Just apologise, hug her, tell her you love her. Listen to her, share with her.

Society shame our emotions and drug us...

But it's here that I found the cure... To talk about negative sad bad stuff... To connect deeply... To open my heart... To express what I feel & who I am.

Tell her your fears, shame, regrets & pains.

You weren't losing her... You saw the real her... Bond... Show her the real you... The hurt you... Bond over your pain.

Just hug her

 

[FuneralCry]

That really sounds like a difficult situation to be in, it must be so hard to deal with. It's such a cruel world where so much suffering exists, to me it's understandable why so many want to leave it behind. I wish you the best.

 

[theboy]

Omg!
What a unique situation you are in with your little sister.
You can hide the meds in a high place or where she won't take them easily. When your mother-in-law asks you why the meds are somewhere else, you tell her that it's so your little sister won't take them.... You know, as a precautionary measure (obviously without telling your mother-in-law what happened).