Venting My life is 10x better and I still don't want to live it

[KlassPowder]

I moved across to the complete opposite side of the country. I used to live in a small town in the west and now I'm in a big city in the east. My family lives there but I don't get along with them well. Really, the only thing keeping me in that town was my job. Until my boss decided he hated me and made it completely not worth it to work there anymore. When I started, I was willing to take the extremely low pay and work 14 hour shifts because I actually enjoyed my job. He took every enjoyable thing about it away but still expected me to work 14 hour shifts for barely any money so I finally decided to leave. I had no friends left in my old town. Or anywhere really. My only friend left was here, in this city. That's why I moved here. My friend was living here with his boyfriend who he complained about to me a lot. I assumed it would be a situation where you only hear about the bad things, but overall its fine, yk? No. I hate his boyfriend. He never cleans and leaves giant messes everywhere and is an asshole. Hes always pissed off, so now my friend is too. My friend just cooks and cleans for him like some fucking housewife. That's never what he wanted for himself. He wanted to go to college, be a scientist. Now he cleans after a man who cant put his laundry in the hamper. I'm someone who has been sexually assaulted multiple times in my life, my friend knows this. I have a collection of books and movies about sexual assault that I hold dear to my heart for this reason. His boyfriend reacted like such a dick about them and called them all garbage because they're not fantasy novels, which is what he likes to read. They have a dog that they refuse to learn how to train so it pisses and shits everywhere. Didnt even have fucking treats for it until I moved it and bought it some. Don't have any lights or furniture. It's genuinely more of a dump than a home. We literally had a mushroom growing in our downstairs bathroom. I have a job where I don't work 14 hour shifts anymore and the unfortunate trade-off is that I work 5 days a week. I feel like I never have time to do anything. I get 2 days off and I'm so tired I always spend the first day just sleeping and the second day is when I do important shit like trash, dishes, laundry. And I don't even regret it. I'd sooner kill myself than move back. I'm just sick of working 5 days a week to afford living in a garbage dump with people I don't even enjoy being around. At my job, nobody likes me because Im such a stupid autistic freak. Even if I wasnt, Im so busy and I work alone so I can only talk to someone if I specifically go out of my way to and only for, at most, 8 minutes. I tried dating apps but I'm an ugly fatass. Tried losing weight but I can never keep up the motivation. Probably blow my brains out someday.
and my friend is such an asshole all of the sudden. if any of you reading are autistic, you know how you used to get bullied in school? like you would say something normal and they would look at you like youre crazy and be like "what are you talking about?" and its like i just said i like cheese jessica. well now my friend does that to me about half the times I make a joke. we always had stupid humor and made dumb jokes but suddenly now that he has a shitty boyfriend and lives in the city its like he thinks hes better than me ? not even just like "i dont think that humors funny anymore" just full blown looks at me like im a fucking idiot and acts like im insane for making the types of jokes we've made hundreds of times. and any problem he could have is just assumed to be worse than any problem I could have. He gets anxious sometimes talking to waiters? So do I, but I'm the one forced to step up and talk to them because he just fucking won't. We both struggle with agoraphobia? Well he "actually" has agoraphobia and Im just being weird. I had a shitty day? He doesnt care, won't ask me about it, doesnt want to hear it. Will interrupt me if I even try talking about it. But ofc I have to listen and be empathetic and compassionate when he has a shitty day. I'm supposed to take an interest and ask him about it. It's like I have to pick up for his boyfriend slack in a relationship I'm not even a part of.