HelloIamSummer
Very tired
- Nov 5, 2022
- 28
Hey!
I've been thinking a lot lately. And I need to get a few things off my chest. No one is probably going to read this, but here we go.
My last attempt was on 12th November 2022. That's almost ¾ year ago. I was in a bad state. I didn't really want to die, but I was so hopeless I didn't know what else to do. That's the last time (hopefully) I went to a psychiatric hospital.
A lot has changed since. My therapist has been asking what has changed, why did I go from a wreck to a happy person in under a year. She thinks I decided I'm going to be happy and just went for it. She's always implying that. But honestly I don't know. I forget my past a lot. I have to look at my phone gallery to remember what I've done. I don't remember what I did yesterday. Which is making recovery really hard, because I literally cannot learn from the past. I feel very confused, like reality is not real?? I don't even know if what I'm writing makes sense. I'd love to say that it gets better. And it does. But even though I've got better, I have no idea how.
I genuinely enjoy life. No matter what happens, I just want to live. I don't care what happens or how I feel, because I feel like I'll still enjoy this. Even the sad parts. It is kind of strange. I haven't been like this for years. And I really wish this to everyone. To be at peace with everything.
Though, I'm kind of scared this, too, will pass. I really hope that at least the will to live will stay.
Anyway that's what I wanted to share. I know it doesn't really make sense. But I guess I just felt lonely and wanted to share this with someone. I feel like lately I don't have anyone to talk to. And maybe it will give someone hope. Because I really thought I was ready to die. But I would've never lived these moments and it makes me a little sad that I couldn't see that. It is all so cliché. Maybe I just needed to find these things out myself and not just hear them from anyone else.
I've been thinking a lot lately. And I need to get a few things off my chest. No one is probably going to read this, but here we go.
My last attempt was on 12th November 2022. That's almost ¾ year ago. I was in a bad state. I didn't really want to die, but I was so hopeless I didn't know what else to do. That's the last time (hopefully) I went to a psychiatric hospital.
A lot has changed since. My therapist has been asking what has changed, why did I go from a wreck to a happy person in under a year. She thinks I decided I'm going to be happy and just went for it. She's always implying that. But honestly I don't know. I forget my past a lot. I have to look at my phone gallery to remember what I've done. I don't remember what I did yesterday. Which is making recovery really hard, because I literally cannot learn from the past. I feel very confused, like reality is not real?? I don't even know if what I'm writing makes sense. I'd love to say that it gets better. And it does. But even though I've got better, I have no idea how.
I genuinely enjoy life. No matter what happens, I just want to live. I don't care what happens or how I feel, because I feel like I'll still enjoy this. Even the sad parts. It is kind of strange. I haven't been like this for years. And I really wish this to everyone. To be at peace with everything.
Though, I'm kind of scared this, too, will pass. I really hope that at least the will to live will stay.
Anyway that's what I wanted to share. I know it doesn't really make sense. But I guess I just felt lonely and wanted to share this with someone. I feel like lately I don't have anyone to talk to. And maybe it will give someone hope. Because I really thought I was ready to die. But I would've never lived these moments and it makes me a little sad that I couldn't see that. It is all so cliché. Maybe I just needed to find these things out myself and not just hear them from anyone else.
