My journey

[dustymuck]

Hello :)

I don't have anyone irl to talk about this so I want to post here...

Okay... So an year ago, that is on 14 July 2025 I attempted suicide. Well, "attempted" uhh more like failed miserably. I was caught by the police trying to climb the fence over the bridge.

I got caught because I was... well "heavy" is probably the word.

Anyway fast forward I end up in college alone and scared. And days go by I stay alone but try to find ways to spend time.

I put a lot of efforts, a lot. It was easy since all I did was daydream about killing myself so to keep myself busy I just studied.

Welp I ended up third in my batch. First time in a long while I did something. I cried myself to sleep after I saw the results.

I started calorie counting thing. Count the calories of stuff I eat. Also stopped drinking sweet stuff, sodas, etc. Also fast food. And snacks.

I ate only when I was hungry. Two to three times a day. Never skipped breakfast though can't do that.

Also started working out a month ago in my room. Not going to the gym because it's scary :(

Also started sleeping for 8hrs 30mins every single fucking day no matter what happens.

I sleep at exact 10pm that's when my phone turns off. I wake up at exact 6:30am. Have been doing this for an year I no longer need an alarm I just wake up and sleep heh.

Oh when I say *"no matter what happens" I mean it. Even if the world explodes ill sleep.

Oh btw a month ago I started skincare mostly to get rid of acne. It has reduced by a lot so yeah...

I have a visible jawline now T_T I have lost weight but I don't have a way to check my current weight no weighing machines near me and I'm too poor to buy one :/

I was feeling very lonely since I don't have anyone to talk to so I started learning pixel art. I always wanted to learn art but I found out I'm not really good at it. But I have time, a lot of it. I'll just keep doing it I can't be bad forever...

Oh also I'm learning to play the kalimba, bought it from the money I saved to spend before committing suicide few years ago...

I'm not good at explaining stuff T_T I probably sound boring. Welp can't do anything about it other than get better.

I have genuinely made huge efforts on getting better I just can't explain it well.

It wasn't easy either I have spent weeks contemplating suicide it was so hard... I am still depressed, I have just gotten used to this feeling of helplessness. But I just try to be a better version of myself compared to my yesterday's self.

I have no one to tell this too I want to be praised I know I sound childish or probably make no sense but I want someone to say that I have done well.

Hope I am making sense I don't really talk to people well I used to be a shut-in it's hard to talk, I just don't know what to say people are hard :' (


Anyway yeah I wrote a lot I'll give a tldr ig
TLDR:-
Improved my way of living, want to share the journey
Need praise T_T

Thanks for reading :D

 

[Cloud Busting]

It's not childish. It's human nature to receive recognition, you know? I have a problem only when people do things for recognition. That's when recognition is soulless. It sounds more like you worked hard, it paid off, and you want people to see that and be proud of you. I am! Congrats. I lack the discipline myself. I just focus on one thing at a time, like it's hydrating right now. Make things a habit. I'm too freaking lazy to be that dedicated. You're amazing.

I'm sorry, btw, you got caught by the police. Sounds traumatizing.

Glad you made something grand out of such a frightening experience and found motivation despite all you've been through.

Also, seeing you lurk my recovery journal and then come out with this…

 

[NZkiwi]

keep sharing, i wanna read a part 2

thabks for feeling comfortable letting others glimpse on your journey