Venting My latest thoughts

[tomthemouse1]

Dear people,

This is my first post so I don't know if I am fully allowed to talk or post here. I might break rules but please forgive me I am an ignorant.


Hello, Yall can call me anything yall want Tom, Joe, anything you really want.


These days I have been getting alot of bad and negative thoughts. But one of which is just constantly wanting to end it all. But I just feel like I deserve the worst possible and painful one. Like just complete pain and just slow one. I don't know why but that's what I think I should have.

Another thing I hate is the first encounter i have with people they use my name, give me attention both eye contact and physical contact. After 5 meetings I am completely ignored like a rubbish bin heck even worse!
I really love when people use my name but honestly no one even uses it. And I just keep using the name of others when calling for their attention or just talking in general in conversation.

I really hate when i can't talk in a place with more than 2 people together I am always left on the shelf!

Sometimes I wish I get crushed by something and be put in a blender and turn the blades on me and then throw me in some wasteland.

Sometimes I have to act extreme to get attention. You name it. Very pervy, very happy, very sad, very hyper, very serious, very silent, very weird. I always regret it everytime i do it. I am not an attention who*re I am just want to be heard when I am talking or doing something. I am not asking for much.

I tried ending it but I just couldn't was too scared. I honestly don't know what happened to have all of this happen to me. There are many other things that I want to say but i don't want to waste ur precious time!

Cheers,
JoeTheBug

 

[Kit1]

Dear Joe,

I am really sorry to hear of your experiences with other people - sounds extremely bruising, painful, isolating and depressing.

What you are going through is something that is experienced by a few of us here. There are a few of us here who are also autistic and just wondering whether you have ever been assessed for autism at all? Just a thought and I am not a professional on these matters.

You can post here almost anything you would like to post and there are some rules about what cannot be posted - mainly anything that is offensive, threatening etc. And people here are quite friendly and supportive and please do use this space to reach out or to vent.

Take care.

 

[tomthemouse1]

Dear Joe,

I am really sorry to hear of your experiences with other people - sounds extremely bruising, painful, isolating and depressing.

What you are going through is something that is experienced by a few of us here. There are a few of us here who are also autistic and just wondering whether you have ever been assessed for autism at all? Just a thought and I am not a professional on these matters.

You can post here almost anything you would like to post and there are some rules about what cannot be posted - mainly anything that is offensive, threatening etc. And people here are quite friendly and supportive and please do use this space to reach out or to vent.

Take care.

Dear Kit,

It's OK no need to feel sorry honestly I am the one at fault.

I am both sad and glad that others are in the same boat as me, because they are in pain but at least I am not the only one

About autism I have never been assessed about anything because I am afraid about it and therapist, psychologist and these guys are both expensive and feels like they just you.

Well I think I have autism but it's not that clear I am trying my best to blend in. Sometimes i want attention and sometimes I just have 0 presence.

I am glad that there is a place for me to exist in. Hopefully I will become something in the future.

Cheers,
JoeTheBug