- Nov 6, 2020
This is my last month. I want to die since I was 6 and it's finally going to happen. Most of the time I feel calm about my ctb, sometimes I get excited and sometimes anxious. Unexpectedly I suddenly feel so much love and compassion for myself and it's pleasant. I want to send myself to the other side with the knowledge and the feeling that in my source I am a seed of love (like all of us - this is what I believe) . But no seed can grow and flower without enough sun and water. I have repeatedly failed in trying to make myself happy and express myself without shame and now nothing and no one is connecting me to this world anymore. I just want to fly into the eternal nothingness, and I'm so happy it's going to be soon.