My intelligence is gone yet I’m terrified of it getting worse

[thousandsofstars]

Long story short, for what could have been one of a myriad of reasons, I've lost my mental ability and sharpness. I've always been depressed, since I was young, and have had OCD probably since I was 5 or so. Btw, wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy.
I consoled myself by thinking that one day I would do something important; I might be depressed, I might hate myself, but I have my brain, and I was decently smart and motivated.
Within a year, everything I had been working towards is gone.
I got married really fast really young, I really wanted love and affection (pretty much all of my familial and romantic relationships have been abusive) and he is a really good guy. But he doesn't understand me. I don't think he ever will or can. We haven't truly connected on a deep spiritual level and I know we never will. I don't know why we got married…I guess I hoped it would happen after.
Now we live together. I'm not productive. At all. I knew I wouldn't be living with a romantic partner. The life I dreamed of, of living by myself and making my own choices and being a free agent is gone. I don't have the cognitive ability or drive to do what I wanted to do in school anymore. I am incredibly ashamed of myself. I keep putting CTB off because I hope it'll get better, when I know it only gets worse. Over and over. When I was younger, the only reason I didn't CTB was because I was holding out hope that things would get better. Ironically, things are so much worse now that I'm nostalgic for that time lol. I wish I could go back and change every decision I made in this last year. I've tried every pill, every therapy. The pills made it way worse, got rid of my intelligence and no doctors know why or how to get it back. Still, I'm afraid of CTB methods because I don't want to end up with brain damage…even though even this level of cognition right now isn't enough for me to stay here. I'm the slowest in my classes now, first time ever. I am incredibly ashamed.
Hopefully it'll be over soon.
I've been trying so long to find peace, since I was so young…I hope I'm brave enough to finally be at rest soon.

 

[jimmyjiggy80]

Try some NAC+ supplements, helps to rebuild your neurons. Give it a month

 

[thousandsofstars]

I

Try some NAC+ supplements, helps to rebuild your neurons. Give it a month

I've given it many months. I've seen countless specialists, too. None of them can definitively say why or how to fix it. They just keep trying random stuff which makes me feel much worse. Thanks though

 

[telekon]

I

I've given it many months. I've seen countless specialists, too. None of them can definitively say why or how to fix it. They just keep trying random stuff which makes me feel much worse. Thanks though

You need to stop taking everything and get on a special high protein diet. You will get your alertness and creativity back. Dm me and I can send you something that can help.

 

[dust-in-the-wind]

Your post is intelligently written, so I don't think your brain is that bad off yet. Can I ask your age? What med you think did this to you? Are you on any meds now? Do the doctors agree you are cognitively impaired through cognitve testing? I am asking all these Q's because I am 57 and been on over 25+ meds and hoping I can give you some ideas to help you. I have been diagnosed with MDD, ANXIETY, OCD and ADHD. I also had cognitive testing last year while I was locked up in the mental hospital.

 

[TimeTraveling4]

I truly wish things could've been different for you. Seems like you can't get what you want and from a young age you knew it.

I don't think I've reached the point where I'm genuinely profoundly incapable. But I have fallen very far, and I know how much more I used to be. This level, even if it isn't the absolute bottom, isn't acceptable to me…if that makes sense.

I agree with the person saying your post is intelligently written. But as you said, it can only get worse and I truly doubt doctors are capable of helping. I just hope you find what you're looking for. Maybe not in this life but the next life and beyond. May I ask if you're spiritual or believe in reincarnation of that sort?

 

[soosenman]

Hello, Im in a very similar boat. Got into a psych ward and got a lot of meds and now my cognitive abilities greatly decreased. I played with the thought of CTB before but now I literally dont see any hope
I cant even watch a video anymore I just can't follow it

 

[3rdworldsadness]

I have intelligence problem I think this too I can't grasp concept of particular stuff it's kinda of feel stupid I feel so stupid. I feel like I have low iq perhaps. I always wanted to be smart but never was.

 

[abandonedlilac]

Long story short, for what could have been one of a myriad of reasons, I've lost my mental ability and sharpness. I've always been depressed, since I was young, and have had OCD probably since I was 5 or so. Btw, wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy.
I consoled myself by thinking that one day I would do something important; I might be depressed, I might hate myself, but I have my brain, and I was decently smart and motivated.
Within a year, everything I had been working towards is gone.
I got married really fast really young, I really wanted love and affection (pretty much all of my familial and romantic relationships have been abusive) and he is a really good guy. But he doesn't understand me. I don't think he ever will or can. We haven't truly connected on a deep spiritual level and I know we never will. I don't know why we got married…I guess I hoped it would happen after.
Now we live together. I'm not productive. At all. I knew I wouldn't be living with a romantic partner. The life I dreamed of, of living by myself and making my own choices and being a free agent is gone. I don't have the cognitive ability or drive to do what I wanted to do in school anymore. I am incredibly ashamed of myself. I keep putting CTB off because I hope it'll get better, when I know it only gets worse. Over and over. When I was younger, the only reason I didn't CTB was because I was holding out hope that things would get better. Ironically, things are so much worse now that I'm nostalgic for that time lol. I wish I could go back and change every decision I made in this last year. I've tried every pill, every therapy. The pills made it way worse, got rid of my intelligence and no doctors know why or how to get it back. Still, I'm afraid of CTB methods because I don't want to end up with brain damage…even though even this level of cognition right now isn't enough for me to stay here. I'm the slowest in my classes now, first time ever. I am incredibly ashamed.
Hopefully it'll be over soon.
I've been trying so long to find peace, since I was so young…I hope I'm brave enough to finally be at rest soon.

I used to be somewhat of a child prodigy, and my former friends had described me as a polymath. However, for any combination of reasons, I have also felt what you feel. My sharpness has declined drastically, and, as a young adult, I am barely functioning. It's worth mentioning that I too have had mental health issues from a young age, and repeated sexual trauma since then hasn't made it any better. Those same former friends, although mentioning that I was smart for my age, mentioned that I have mental health issues that are unable to be understood. I have been told by several people that I likely have CPTSD, so that could be a cause. However, because of my circumstances, I have never been in the position to get professional help. So, I'm just left to wonder until then. For some time, I thought I might just be imagining it, but hearing that you have experienced something similar definitely proves otherwise. Unfortunately, I'm not able to give any meaningful advice, as I am suffering through something similar. I wish you the best, though.

 

[abstractcat7]

I've tried lots of medications and therapies to no success, and while not as drastic as what you describe, I feel I've lost some intelligence but mainly all my capability.

I am worthless, incapable piece of shit. I'm pretty sure I'm beyond help and beyond hope. I still feel intelligent, and I believe I can prove that I am, but intelligence does not equal capability like many people think. So it doesn't matter if I do have any intelligence left or not, I'm still treated like a stupid piece of shit. I grew up with an abusive narcissistic parent who hated being asked questions and would get incredibly angry and vindictive if I asked a question they didn't know the answer to. They never wanted me to show any signs of "trying to be better or smarter than them" and would sabotage me in ways I never understood as a child.