Venting My hebephilic ex admitted that he thinks 12-year-olds can consent. (CW)

[Sinkinshyp]

I don't know what CSA means. I had to look up some of the words you used. I couldn't find what CSA means. He is dangerous- to kids and YOU. As advised RUN don't walk RUN! He needs in hospital long term therapy. What if he touches a kid? you could get in trouble with him for it. Stay away from this creep.

At 12 I was playing with stuffed animals, salamanders, frogs, bugs. I didn't know what sex was. My father died when I was 15. I had a crush on a boy since I was 12. After my dad died my 2 childhood friends and I went to the town this boy lived in. He wanted to talk to me. So next day my 2 friends and I are walking to the store and asked What did Tommy want to talk to you about? I said I don't know he tried to kiss me and stuck his tongue in my mouth I pushed him and went back outside. I'm 15! still playing with stuffed animals... my friends were like ughh thats how you're supposed to kiss. I know kids in this day and age aren't as innocent as I was... but it's a truly disturbing picture this man you are describing.

 

[BerryCakes]

OP, with all due respect, I do not understand the reasoning.

He treats you poorly, but because he likes young girls, you are willing to sacrifice yourself and stay with him. This sort of makes some sense re codependency / sacrifice (?) perspective. But he does not want to be with you and you want to put a love spell on him? Why, if he doesn't want to be with you?

Just trying to understand the OP.

1. He's a potential danger to others -> He needs to be "protected" from himself -> I feel like I'm the only one who is able/willing to do that.
2. Selfish reasons. As I said previously, I care a lot about him and loved him.

I don't know what CSA means. I had to look up some of the words you used. I couldn't find what CSA means. He is dangerous- to kids and YOU. As advised RUN don't walk RUN! He needs in hospital long term therapy. What if he touches a kid? you could get in trouble with him for it. Stay away from this creep.

At 12 I was playing with stuffed animals, salamanders, frogs, bugs. I didn't know what sex was. My father died when I was 15. I had a crush on a boy since I was 12. After my dad died my 2 childhood friends and I went to the town this boy lived in. He wanted to talk to me. So next day my 2 friends and I are walking to the store and asked What did Tommy want to talk to you about? I said I don't know he tried to kiss me and stuck his tongue in my mouth I pushed him and went back outside. I'm 15! still playing with stuffed animals... my friends were like ughh thats how you're supposed to kiss. I know kids in this day and age aren't as innocent as I was... but it's a truly disturbing picture this man you are describing.

CSA stands for child sexual abuse.

I'm sorry you had to go through that.

 

[mahakaliSS_MahaDurga]

1. He's a potential danger to others -> He needs to be "protected" from himself -> I feel like I'm the only one who is able/willing to do that.
2. Selfish reasons. As I said previously, I care a lot about him and loved him.

I do not think that he wants your help. How could you help him? By telling him his views are wrong? I doubt that would work.

 

[Ghost2211]

You can't protect or stop him OP. A lot of people are telling you this. Try to let it sink in what you're getting yourself into.

 

[BerryCakes]

I do not think that he wants your help. How could you help him? By telling him his views are wrong? I doubt that would work.

Well, by preventing him from having children, and by being an outlet for "frustrations," so that there's little risk it'll be redirected elsewhere.

 

[GoneGoneGone]

by preventing him from having children

Are you suggesting incest?

 

[BerryCakes]

Are you suggesting incest?

N... no? Uhm, I'm infertile, like I said in the first post.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

Well, by preventing him from having children, and by being an outlet for "frustrations," so that there's little risk it'll be redirected elsewhere.

So you'd sacrifice yourself. And what do you do when he leaves the house? What if he slips out when you go to the bathroom? You can't control someone 24/7.

 

[mahakaliSS_MahaDurga]

Well, by preventing him from having children, and by being an outlet for "frustrations," so that there's little risk it'll be redirected elsewhere.

So you want him to use you for sex? You wrote that's what he was doing and that he broke up with you two months ago.

 

[Aap]

Your logic, though maybe well intentioned, is just terrible, especially in thinking it won't be redirected elsewhere. Ask yourself, does a regular sex life preclude a partner in a marriage from cheating? Of course not. This sounds like a very toxic situation that you are going through tortuous loops to justify in your mind.

 

[BerryCakes]

You can't protect or stop him OP. A lot of people are telling you this. Try to let it sink in what you're getting yourself into.

You're right. Even if a spell worked, our relationship would be unhealthy at best, abusive at worst. He could very well end up going behind my back.

So you want him to use you for sex? You wrote that's what he was doing and that he broke up with you two months ago.

Yep. I guess I've normalized it in my head at this point.

 

[GoneGoneGone]

N... no? Uhm, I'm infertile, like I said in the first post.

So how are you helping him by him not having children? I don't get this logic unless you suspect he'd do something to his own children

 

[Ghost2211]

You're right. Even if a spell worked, our relationship would be unhealthy at best, abusive at worst. He could very well end up going behind my back.

Yep. I guess I've normalized it in my head at this point.

The older you get the worse it will get and the less interest he has in you. It know it hurts, and you want to fix it but you can't. He needs help.

 

[Deleted member 19654]

I can see why you want to prevent something from happening especially if you've been a victim of abuse yourself but you wouldn't be able to stop him if that is what he decides to do for himself.

 

[Aap]

She does. She also mistakenly thinks If he wants to molest children that not having children of his own will stop him

 

[BerryCakes]

So how are you helping him by him not having children? I don't get this logic unless you suspect he'd do something to his own children

Either that, or be tempted/do something with his children's friends... Like if a daughter brought girls over for a sleepover, studying, whatever the cliches are.

 

[Sinkinshyp]

You can't stop him. He is opening up admitting he is interested in 12 yr olds. He may have already offended and that will be what he tells you next. Staying with him after his admission to you is like saying you are agreeing with him. Now that he views you are ok with his admission what are you going to do when he brings home the neighbors 12 yr old daughter? That's whats coming.
You need to get out of there, stop allowing yourself to be abused and used by him. You deserve someone who is going to LOVE you and not use you as a sex toy. Talk to your therapist about it- that way when he does act on his desires you are not involved and have told someone about him. Get away from him he is dangerous in many ways

 

[GoneGoneGone]

Either that, or be tempted/do something with his children's friends... Like if a daughter brought girls over for a sleepover, studying, whatever the cliches are.

Thanks. That's what I suspected after reading again your post.

 

[Aap]

Who introduced the term hebephilia in your relationship? It's interesting to watch people online try to rationalize the differences between pedo/hebe/and associated philias. It seems very pathological and goes through great links to justify whatever age people think is acceptable to molest a child

Those who have been fucked as children know you are at best wasting your time and at worst enabling him.

 

[Mr2005]

You can't stop him. He is opening up admitting he is interested in 12 yr olds. He may have already offended and that will be what he tells you next. Staying with him after his admission to you is like saying you are agreeing with him. Now that he views you are ok with his admission what are you going to do when he brings home the neighbors 12 yr old daughter? That's whats coming.
You need to get out of there, stop allowing yourself to be abused and used by him. You deserve someone who is going to LOVE you and not use you as a sex toy. Talk to your therapist about it- that way when he does act on his desires you are not involved and have told someone about him. Get away from him he is dangerous in many ways

Yet we don't really know him at all only she does. I'm guessing he must have some redeeming qualities, people are multi-faceted. This sounds as much like rehabilitation as a relationship and I hope it pays off

 

[BerryCakes]

Who introduced the term hebephilia in your relationship? It's interesting to watch people online try to rationalize the differences between pedo/hebe/and associated philias.

He was, naturally... There are a lot of communities out there that are targeted towards "hebes" specifically.

 

[mahakaliSS_MahaDurga]

Yet we don't really know him at all only she does. I'm guessing he must have some redeeming qualities, people are multi-faceted. This sounds as much like rehabilitation as a relationship and I hope it pays off

He does not want a relationship with her, she said it in her first post.

 

[Ghost2211]

He was, naturally... There are a lot of communities out there that are targeted towards "hebes" specifically.

This guy is further gone than you think if he's joining groups.

 

[BerryCakes]

This guy is further gone than you think if he's joining groups.

Yeah, there were quite a few of those back when 8chan was still up. He was a part of them.

 

[Ghost2211]

Yeah, there were quite a few of those back when 8chan was still up. He was a part of them.

He's normalizing it and accepting it. Surely you can see the steps of progression.

 

[mooncake]

It is not your responsibility to keep him away frlm children!!!!!!!! Especially when you'd have to give up your own happiness and dignity, by letting him keep using you like and object. Maybe try speaking to a counselor about this. Perhaps they know what to do about it.

But please don't get back with him. You might feel like you love him now, but he isn't worth it! You won't be able to change him, and he'll keep using and hurting you. You deserve so so much better.

 

[OnlyTheWind]

If his interest was purely platonic, I wouldn't even bat an eye. But the fact that he is talking about "consent" pushes the boundaries a bit far. Having thoughts and keeping them in ones mind cannot really be used as a basis for real-life consequnces, unless you are of the opinion that "thought-crimes" are worthy of punishment. Once an individual starts down the path of fantasy -> reality, that's when things get serious and can escalate very quickly.

 

[Ghost2211]

Honestly... check if he has child porn, and if he does report it to the police. Those groups are there for exchanging that stuff.

 

[BitterlyAlive]

To shorten up the story, he ended up using me for sex. He said he'd take care of me and it never happened. Even after two months post break up, I was still in love with him.

I'm so sorry, you didn't deserve that. My ex was similar and I still found myself feeling very lost after I dumped him. I hope you don't feel shame for your feelings towards him, the mind is a weird thing - especially when it comes to abusive relationships.

And it's disgusting that he thinks 12 year olds can consent. Reminds me of people like my grandfather who molest or rape children because the child was encouraging them/wanted it.

 

[Racon]

So... how did you fall in love with a pedo?