Venting My happy memories are genuinely worse to me than my traumatic ones

[Maplethemorbid]

Seriously I'd rather remember every time my mom and dad hit me over anytime I remember being happy and playing with my grandma when I was younger.

I'd rather remember the time that my dad made fun of me for being hungry than the time I had a good day with my mom.

I'd rather remember my mom mocking my nervous tick than playing d&d with my dad at the hospital.

I hate my happy memories they're confusing and they hurt I wish I could forget everything but especially my happy memories of my childhood.

 

[MrDarkness]

I wish I could start a new by forgetting all my memories

 

[RiverFlow]

Hi Maplethemorbid

I am with you. I truly feel tortured by them. The contrast is extreme. I don't want to forget them though. I just wish I had more coming in to balance this all out

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I can relate to it. Lately I watched photos from times when I considered my life being worth to be lived. What happend was that in end it just made me depressed because it's so unlikely I will be ever be able to reach that again. I feel more comfortable with thoughts about CTB and the hope this big failure will find a end soon.

 

[pyroxenic]

im in the very spot currently. Remembering past Abuse and Traumatic incidents make me feel absolutely nothing most of the time. But the Happy memories often make me feel hurt, angry, betrayed, sad, and confused, not to mention grief. Sometimes they make me have full own panic attack. I thought i was the only one who hated their happy memories and wanted them gone forever, im glad to hear im not the only one feeling this way though. :(

 

[RiverFlow]

I can relate to it. Lately I watched photos from times when I considered my life being worth to be lived. What happend was that in end it just made me depressed because it's so unlikely I will be ever be able to reach that again. I feel more comfortable with thoughts about CTB and the hope this big failure will find a end soon.

Me too

 

[xBrialesana]

That's why I prefer nightmares to those feel good dreams, anything positive or an adventure, anything "fun".. it was never real. Nightmares you escape from. The pain of dreaming that I'm a normal person just out eating lunch with someone hurts more. But that's just extreme isolation speaking

 

[ringo99]

I don't recognize happy memories anymore. When I sit back and think about the past I'm honestly befuddled as to whether I had any happy times at all or whether I was putting on a mask for the people around. The bad ones though? Oh yeah. They're always there. Always ready to emotionally and spiritually eviscerate me anytime I introspect. The bad ones seem to be magnified a hundredfold these days and only seem to be getting worse.