I think this is what started it for me. Was closer to 14 though. Seemed like death was just always present. And maybe we don't value life as much after that. I wasn't bullied but my mom was certainly difficult. Certainly not great and I'm not even sure where she is now.
I think it was when I was about 13 years old when I started thinking about ending my life for the first time. Had my first attempt at age 15
I'm not sure it was the presence and reminders of death that made me want it so young. More that people I loved and needed so much at that age were dying or dead. Plus, with the bullying going on, there were simply fewer in my corner. So, I just kind of felt alone in a really hostile environment and there were fewer loved ones already by that point to stay for. I just remember feeling sick of feeling afraid and unhappy. It just popped in my head one day that I would prefer to be dead, rather than experiencing this.
Death became this weird foe on the one hand, because it had already taken so many but then, I liked the thought that it would come for me soon too.
I think you're right though. Rather than the reality of death making life seem precious, it made it more cheap in a way. If everything could be lost so easily, how sensible was it to put so much value on it?
