It's not even that, it's unfortunate events that is preventing me from CTB, like today I had to go out with the family and couldn't stay home and prepareIs it possible that you don't really want to do this, but feel like you have to? Maybe that is why you are having such a hard time going through with it. Regardless, there is no harm in postponing it again because there are people on this site who like having you around. It will probably get easier when you're ready to do it, but until then, you can keep having hugs from us.
I understand you dont want to share. I just wish i cud make you look at things differently. Your 18 and you said you got arrested for bad, twisted, evil things. They cant have been so evil and twisted in the eyes of the Police or courts otherwise you would still be languishing in jail and your not. It sounds like these things are only twisted in your head and no-one elses. Doesnt that say something to you? If these things didnt warrant you being put in jail for years then maybe to need to give yourself a break. Try not to be so hard on yourself. Unlike you i was locked up for years, well four years anyway. That was long enough. Absolutely what i did was fucked up and wrong. I had such a bad reputation that the Minister of Corrections (So the government head of our prisons) contacted the head of the prison i was being sentenced to, to pre-warn them that I was coming. I was not a nice person, the things i did to people. What i did (And that is now close to 25years ago), Im still paying the price for. I can no longer travel overseas. Getting employment, despite turning my life around and getting a degree is so incredibly difficult. Only two years ago i got a job, quite a senior position and 90 days in they found out the exact nature of my crimes and they dismissed me. I did release information going into the interview that i had been in prison in the past but it didnt state what i did. In NZ you have to release information about any criminal offenses when you apply for a job, so its hard enough for me. To continually be paying for a crime that you already served a prison sentence for is so not fucken fair and at times i think whats the fucken point. So I GET YOU. I GET YOU.
I have to agree. I am new to the forum but I have been reading this thread before I became a member. I felt like you at 18, I'm not saying it will get better because sometimes it doesn't but please give yourself time to really think and weigh up the options honey x
