Venting my film SUICIDELAND

[chiikawalover616]

I'm in love with the voice acting and the whole style. You could make it big.

There is a future of the world, it just doesn't seem like it right now. But there is.

i've heard every piece of advice there is but there's nothing that's changing the fact that the world is ending. ai is going to take every job, and current news says that like… 40% of the population will die by 2050 because of the projected heat increase. This is not just like some one-off news article i read. i have been a climate activist and spoken with greta thunberg and others in person. like, i have no hope for this planet. i think everyone is going to die.

everyone says "they always thought that it would be the end throughout human history but they were wrong" what if they're not this time? i really don't think they're wrong this time. it's like a boy who cried wolf situation. you say a warning a bunch of times and it doesnt come true, so when it actually happens nobody believes it. 20,000 people have died in Europe in like the last month because of the heat, heat that we knew was coming for years and years prior. and these are first world countries. people are dying in india. the human race won't go extinct, sure, but thats because the elite 1% hoards everything. when they survive and their offspring survive, they'll think "wow humanity is so resilient" but the 99% of us that are going to die cannot say this.

call me weak or something but i just don't want to die a slow and painful death like everyone else. my life has already been hell, i wouldnt want to let it get even worse. at least i can have the dignity of deciding how and when to die. i always thought id die since i was 11, i al ways wanted to die by suicide (though i never really explicitly stated it anywhere) but even if i survived i wanted to die by suicide at like 60. but the world kept getting worse. i attempted at 14, then at 18, 19 and now im 20 (soon to be 21) and i plan to die two weeks before my 21st birthday. its just hard.

im grappling with so many people telling me that they look forward to my next project, im getting international work opportunities that i dreamed of having, someone who works at disney wanted to collaborate with me. i mean, its everything i ever wanted… but how long will it really last? i think the world is going to end no matter how many good things happen right now. i just want to be at peace, im almost itching to die at the soonest opportunity possible.

I just watched your film... twice... and I am absolutely obsessed with it. I should have CTB'd by now but postponed a few weeks. Watching the film has been my favorite moment during these weeks. Thank you so much for your hard work!

I know the film has a lot of symbolism and small details, can you tell me more about any hidden meanings I might've missed?

For everyone reading this, I am curious, would you stay in Suicideland if given the choice? (Personally I would not. The issue causing my original death would probably not disappear if I was there.)

Also, OP, I'm very sorry to hear about the empty feelings you still have, even with your dreams coming true. This world is a cruel place. Hope you keep us updated about how you're doing, if you wish to.

hi! thank you so much. first off, there's the obvious ones with the character designs. every character in suicideland has a design that reflects the way they died. people who slit their arteries have red and white striped sleeves. people who hung themselves get noose-shaped scarves. people who broke their bones get crutches.
i wanted to contrast the two main characters in the ways they died. Amrita dies because of long-term abuse and she dies a similarly slow, painful, and really really statistically unsuccessful death. she was determined to die, even if it hurt her. As for Lola, she dies an instant death by jumping off a building, and similarly her cause of death is also over a relatively more impulse decision after a breakup.

Another fun detail people haven't caught onto is that there is a train that passes in the climax of the film. The name of this train is the Dead Line (like how you have a Yellow Line or a blue Line metro, or an underground line, whatever). I initially wanted Amrita to board this train to travel to the cliff, where she could die her second death and stop existing. But i felt it was a bit too awkward to have her ride a train and broke the flow. So i came up with this idea of the train transporting you by simply passing by you, instead of you riding it. The Dead Line has already passed by. and it transports you to where you want to be.

There is a white butterfly in some parts of the film too, which represents self harm. Drawing the butterfly on is a common method of like, struggling with it. So that's obviously included.

A kind of fun detail that i can't say without getting flagged on YouTube is that amrita has my scars. I kind of drew them on exactly the way I have them.

I'm kind of sleepy, feel free to ask more stuff. this is what's off the top of my head.

 

[telekon]

i've heard every piece of advice there is but there's nothing that's changing the fact that the world is ending. ai is going to take every job, and current news says that like… 40% of the population will die by 2050 because of the projected heat increase. This is not just like some one-off news article i read. i have been a climate activist and spoken with greta thunberg and others in person. like, i have no hope for this planet. i think everyone is going to die.

everyone says "they always thought that it would be the end throughout human history but they were wrong" what if they're not this time? i really don't think they're wrong this time. it's like a boy who cried wolf situation. you say a warning a bunch of times and it doesnt come true, so when it actually happens nobody believes it. 20,000 people have died in Europe in like the last month because of the heat, heat that we knew was coming for years and years prior. and these are first world countries. people are dying in india. the human race won't go extinct, sure, but thats because the elite 1% hoards everything. when they survive and their offspring survive, they'll think "wow humanity is so resilient" but the 99% of us that are going to die cannot say this.

call me weak or something but i just don't want to die a slow and painful death like everyone else. my life has already been hell, i wouldnt want to let it get even worse. at least i can have the dignity of deciding how and when to die. i always thought id die since i was 11, i al ways wanted to die by suicide (though i never really explicitly stated it anywhere) but even if i survived i wanted to die by suicide at like 60. but the world kept getting worse. i attempted at 14, then at 18, 19 and now im 20 (soon to be 21) and i plan to die two weeks before my 21st birthday. its just hard.

Look. You're talking to another YouTuber and I admire that you have come out on here and shared your real identity. They called me "Apocalypto" because I ranted about the end of the world for years, and I also had millions of views but I took down my videos because I realized that I was wrong. There was a song by Bright Eyes that sang "Working on the record seems pointless now... When the world ends, who's gonna hear it?" I'm telling you. The world will change drastically and we are entering a New Age, and we, the people born between 1980-2020 are sadly stuck in the middle of these two ages and it feels horrible and cataclysmic, but the world is not going to end. The current "elites" are not going to rule forever.

Things will get better. Something will happen in the next 10 years that will change everything, I promise you. I envy you for the position you're in because I gave up everything in the name of suicide. I will say it one more time.. I really loved your movie and I can tell that your mind can produce on other subjects that would move people as well. You should take the Disney offer.