Venting My existence isn't worth much

[MiMif]

I don't really leave a lasting impression on people or the world and nothing I do impacts much. Idk how I'm supposed to feel about that.

 

[unluckysadness]

Same

 

[Forever Sleep]

Do you want to have an impact on the world/ people? Are you trying to? If you were greatly appreciated for something, would that be enough to make it worthwhile?

I guess I'm lucky in that I do have people who appreciate the things I do. To a greater extreme even that- while I'm not living close enough to my parents to be of practical help, things my Dad says tends to make me think he needs me. Or rather- would be deeply affected if I CTB.

While obviously, it's nice to be cared about, it doesn't exactly make the process of living easier for me. It's nice to be appreciated for a job but it doesn't really make it easier to get out of bed in the morning to do it. To work way over a regular 9-5 to achieve it. Being loved even, sadly can't always erase a contempt for life.

I suppose the logical way to approach it though is- what would you want to be appreciated for? A talent in something? Then, you'll probably have to devote your life to practicing it. Plus, showing your efforts and risking criticism as well as praise. Being kind? Then, maybe try to do more for others. It doesn't seem passive to me though. We get recognised for the effort we put in most of the time- as I see it.

There again though, like you mentioned- is it actually important? The way I've tended to see it is more cynical/ pessimistic really. Human achievement is only really that great if you admire humans! What have we ever done that didn't either benefit ourselves or, try to reverse the damage we've already caused? Sadly, I expect a lot of our 'achievements' come at the expense of the planet. Just about anything we do requires energy and the burning of fossil fuels/ use of limited resources. So, I tend to pessimistically think- how great are any of us ultimately?

There again, we're all stuck here for now. I suppose my greatest admiration has been for people who made other's lives better. That can be because they were just good, kind people. But, I suppose creators and inventors, discoverers, scientists. Some of the most famous have improved billions of lives. The weirdest one for me is when the person themself is/ was rumoured to be horrible but, their work is amazing. Is it morally right to still appreciate it if they caused extensive damage?