My dilemma - to be found out or not

[Parnate]

I am planning to ctb in some abandoned old building or forest or probably drink and drown. Also I ll keep no identification on my body just incase I am found. The main intention is to not be found or identified .The reason is that I believe that me not being found will help my family have hope that I am probably alive and that someday I shall return. My parents are old, dad is 60+ and mom is 55+ . My sister once read my suicidal thoughts I wrote down in a book so she might probably connect the dots ,
I am in a dilemma.
My family will do everything they can to find me. Their efforts will be futile and all the exertion and hassles they will go through just to find me, particularly my parents as they don't know about my suicidal thoughts and ideation.
I don't know what will be less painful for them. The fact that I am dead or missing.

 

[Ambivalent1]

Found means closure. Missing means ongoing hope no matter how slim, which is torturous.

 

[Soontobegoner]

Funnily i myself is in similar dilemma.... My issue stems from worry that my suicide would really sabotage their reputation in society and leave a bad mark. Also even after death require certain ceremonies in India which will require money... I feel I have been enough weight on my family that I should cause no more problems.

My idea is to persuade them to let me go on my own believing I am heading towards monk hood and then die in some lonely place without identities.

Though sometimes I think may they will like my dead body. I don't know.

 

[juna]

Society is indeed brutal. They won't support anyone and when someone dies they will cry saying why didn't they reach out for help.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

This will cause them even more pain bc of unbearable uncertainty. They wouldn't even have a place to express their grief (grave). Not a good idea imo.

 

[Ambivalent1]

This will cause them even more pain bc of unbearable uncertainty. They wouldn't even have a place to express their grief (grave). Not a good idea imo.

Normies have limited feelings at best. We feel the full scope of human emotion. Our sensitivity is the cause of our being on this site. There are normies who attain our scope of emotion by knowing someone who ctb but that's only because our emotions are blown into the wind upon death riding on the backs of atoms that then latch onto those nearest and dearest.

 

[Unknown21]

This will cause them even more pain bc of unbearable uncertainty. They wouldn't even have a place to express their grief (grave). Not a good idea imo.

I completely agree, this is psychological torture for them.

 

[Ambivalent1]

I completely agree, this is psychological torture for them.

And justly deserved for their mistreatment of the fallen while still alive trivializing our pain and anguish. These monsters in human guise.

-not all are bad admittedly

 

[FuneralCry]

In my opinion I believe it'd be less painful if they knew what happened, at least then they'd have closure. I'd personally write a note to explain to those left behind if I wanted to make it easier for them.

 

[Stoked]

i really relate to this. on one hand, i just wanna disappear from the face of this earth and not being thought of/known of anymore and to not be found. on the other, i don't want any of the people in my life to be wasting their time looking for me, thinking that something might have happened to me and i'm still alive somewhere. or even to be left wondering/thinking/feeling if I just up and leave bc i simply don't care about them anymore/are ignoring them. and they'd still search for me. i'm thinking now, if i am dead, they would have to know about it. it's only fair for them, rather than having to spend years of their life looking for me and being left with no closure. at least they'd know and can start processing the grief, and it will get weakened over time…

 

[uzuf86]

There is no way to not be found unfortunately. Except maybe if I were to die in a nuclear explosion. The other way is to drown in ocean but even that doesn't guarantee 100% disappearance. I will really love not being found, it's less headache for family and there won't be any funeral

 

[anonymousbookreader]

do what you feel you want best. It doesn't matter how others feel about the lack of closure. If you don't want to be found that's your wish and should be respected regardless of torture for others. I'm sure the same people who would be "tortured", in lot of scenarios are the reason people end up on this site. It's not about them.