Tempuser26
Just be happy =)
- Mar 3, 2026
- 142
Part 1 - Life Story | Onion Link
Part 2 - Planning | Onion Link
Part 3 - Closure + DSL | Onion Link
Originally I wanted to write this post about something far more fun and wholesome. But because of just happening events I will instead use this a closure post.
Trigger Warning:
- Emotionally charged story
- Strong language used at times
Please do not read if you are sensitive to that
Welp. Now that last spark of happiness I had is gone as well.
Being on SaSu made my head slightly better and allowed me to cope with my else unbearable life.
I know those rats will read this post here, and I am more than fine with it at this point.
I am completely done and through with them and disappointed to the core with what they have done with me.
And to conclude this all now I want to say that I am done with my CTB wish.
I will no longer try to exit or anything. I will just suffer into each day until anything finally allows me to leave this world.
Thank you again SaSu
And sincerely: Fuck you again my old "friends". I wanted to write so much to each of you in my goodbye note. How much I loved to be with each and every last one of you.
I loved you guys so much, unconditionally and without any strings attached.
No matter what you would have told me I would have never even thought about doing something like this on any of you. This is the lowest of the low anyone can go.
Fantastic, really. Know that my relationship with you guys is completely and fully over now.
Hope you find solace in the fact that you took the only thing from me that managed to make my brain quiet down a little bit next to physical pain.
-----------
This account is officially disbanded now, and I won't make any further diary posts.
I might reply to some threads from time to time, but that is all.
Thank you all for reading the Diary of "truehappiness"
And I still wish for everyone here, even for my past "friends", to find their true happiness eventually. No matter if that is in life or death <3
Goodbye!
I asked the SaSu Mod team to change my name and I also changed my profile picture now, just in case.
Part 2 - Planning | Onion Link
Part 3 - Closure + DSL | Onion Link
Originally I wanted to write this post about something far more fun and wholesome. But because of just happening events I will instead use this a closure post.
Trigger Warning:
- Emotionally charged story
- Strong language used at times
Please do not read if you are sensitive to that
Welp. Now that last spark of happiness I had is gone as well.
Being on SaSu made my head slightly better and allowed me to cope with my else unbearable life.
I know those rats will read this post here, and I am more than fine with it at this point.
I am completely done and through with them and disappointed to the core with what they have done with me.
I wanted to keep this space of my life completely separate from everything in my "other" life.
Too much was the thought for me to make people panic now and have them do stupid things like calling the police or anything similar. I wanted to share happy and good memories with them so they can keep me in their head the way I was until the end.
Keep that "mask" I always have put myself on until that last moment.
Which was also ironically the reason why I chose myself with that mask as my profile picture to show how I usually expressed "happiness" to others by masquerading my true self.
Well that all blew into my ass now.
Remember that one party I was? Yes, yes. I was immensely sad again and wanted to use SaSu to get my head just a tiny bit more clear. Big mistake if I say so.
Matt actually caught a sneaky look on my phone screen and saw that I was on some odd website. I just told him that I am on a "Forum" and that was it for now.
Well fuck, it was. Turns out that Katarina and Matt now decided that it is completely plausible and reasonable to invade my privacy and research everything about what that forum could be.
Well in the end they actually found this forum. It took them a bit and I tried to dissuade them from it as much as I could claiming it was DH or whatever hoping that they won't find the URL. Saying that all sides they will find are fakes etc.
I just wanted them to leave me alone with this as this is my private safe space where people who actually know what suffering feels like collect and share their thoughts.
But no. It had to come as it had to come.
Too much was the thought for me to make people panic now and have them do stupid things like calling the police or anything similar. I wanted to share happy and good memories with them so they can keep me in their head the way I was until the end.
Keep that "mask" I always have put myself on until that last moment.
Which was also ironically the reason why I chose myself with that mask as my profile picture to show how I usually expressed "happiness" to others by masquerading my true self.
Well that all blew into my ass now.
Remember that one party I was? Yes, yes. I was immensely sad again and wanted to use SaSu to get my head just a tiny bit more clear. Big mistake if I say so.
Matt actually caught a sneaky look on my phone screen and saw that I was on some odd website. I just told him that I am on a "Forum" and that was it for now.
Well fuck, it was. Turns out that Katarina and Matt now decided that it is completely plausible and reasonable to invade my privacy and research everything about what that forum could be.
Well in the end they actually found this forum. It took them a bit and I tried to dissuade them from it as much as I could claiming it was DH or whatever hoping that they won't find the URL. Saying that all sides they will find are fakes etc.
I just wanted them to leave me alone with this as this is my private safe space where people who actually know what suffering feels like collect and share their thoughts.
But no. It had to come as it had to come.
Cover was blown. They actually found my fucking profile picture here and recognized the background of it.
Please for everyone else... let this be a warning to not use anything that could be in any way recognizable in your profile picture.
There are nosy and nasty people out there who will try to find you just for their personal ego. Feeling like they "saved someone" or other bullshit like that.
Feeding into their own egoistic desire to keep you as a fun toy and rather see you suffer your entire life instead of feeling sadness for a few months themselves.
Please for everyone else... let this be a warning to not use anything that could be in any way recognizable in your profile picture.
There are nosy and nasty people out there who will try to find you just for their personal ego. Feeling like they "saved someone" or other bullshit like that.
Feeding into their own egoistic desire to keep you as a fun toy and rather see you suffer your entire life instead of feeling sadness for a few months themselves.
That is really all I was apparently ever good for.
Being that little funny toy they can toss around and use until it breaks. "Respecting" my wishes until it would also cause them just a little tiny bit of grief.
Actual friends would either try to make the best there is of the situation and either be there with you until your last minutes or enjoy as much time as possible with you if they knew that this will be end of you soon.
Guess what. They were there and practically invaded my home. There was also another one which I will call Luisa, which I thought was more understanding of true suffering.
They talked to me and had the literal audacity to cry on my shoulders. As if they actually care the least about what I went through? Telling me I should rather "try LSD" than do this and whatever other bs they came up with. I found it particularly ridiculous when Luisa attached herself to my arm and put her head on my shoulder. Why?
Oh, guess what! You think they would as, good friends would, try and talk to you alone?
Nah, hell nah.
Now comes the funny part. The part that actually made me really mad. The part that made me hate them to the very last fragment of my soul.
I could have maybe coped with the other parts. I was already talking with them how we should spend the weeks now.
We could have actually maybe made something out of this situation.
They even asked me to drop the mask now and be me and everything. I was not sure now in retroperspective if that was some funny joke or something to laugh about later if they exactly knew what happened afterward:
But I shit you not. They were such assholes that they just called the Cops and EMT's on me!
Great, really guys. Give yourself a tap on the shoulder. Fantastic work, man
. Really cool of you to do.
Practically punching a dying man in the face. Super cool. Thank you, that for sure made me better, wow.
Is that how you deal with friends? Yeah? Then I really do not want to know what you guys are doing with your enemies.
Being that little funny toy they can toss around and use until it breaks. "Respecting" my wishes until it would also cause them just a little tiny bit of grief.
Actual friends would either try to make the best there is of the situation and either be there with you until your last minutes or enjoy as much time as possible with you if they knew that this will be end of you soon.
Guess what. They were there and practically invaded my home. There was also another one which I will call Luisa, which I thought was more understanding of true suffering.
They talked to me and had the literal audacity to cry on my shoulders. As if they actually care the least about what I went through? Telling me I should rather "try LSD" than do this and whatever other bs they came up with. I found it particularly ridiculous when Luisa attached herself to my arm and put her head on my shoulder. Why?
Oh, guess what! You think they would as, good friends would, try and talk to you alone?
Nah, hell nah.
Now comes the funny part. The part that actually made me really mad. The part that made me hate them to the very last fragment of my soul.
I could have maybe coped with the other parts. I was already talking with them how we should spend the weeks now.
We could have actually maybe made something out of this situation.
They even asked me to drop the mask now and be me and everything. I was not sure now in retroperspective if that was some funny joke or something to laugh about later if they exactly knew what happened afterward:
But I shit you not. They were such assholes that they just called the Cops and EMT's on me!
Great, really guys. Give yourself a tap on the shoulder. Fantastic work, man
. Really cool of you to do.Practically punching a dying man in the face. Super cool. Thank you, that for sure made me better, wow.
Is that how you deal with friends? Yeah? Then I really do not want to know what you guys are doing with your enemies.
Well. It obviously had to happen.
Everything went way to well the last week. Of course, I can't have anything good in my life.
And here we are: Police in my apartment telling me that I have to go with the EMT's.
I found it hilarious that Matt and Luisa just stayed in the room while the police came in and even listened in for a bit. Did they really think that at this point they were in any right to be even near me now?
So I told them to piss off and talked with the Police guys. I was as compliant as I possibly could. Came with them and talked with the EMT.
They drove me to the hospital, and I was forced to talk with a psychiatrist. I insisted on my mental clarity and that there will be no attempt from my side anymore to do anything dangerous.
I really, really insisted on it as I had absolutely no plans to stay there for even one night.
After some back and forth I was free to leave and walked the 30 Minutes home rumbling to myself what a stupid idiot I am for even having "friends" like those.
Friends that don't know the least about you and the second you become a bit difficult sell your soul out to the devil.
Now I just came home. Checked my car and apartment for any type of recording devices because Katarina took her sweet time in my bathroom.
Probably searching for chemicals or bs like that but you never know...
I also knew the very second that I entered my apartment when I came back from a little trip with a friend that someone has entered my apartment.
Because the lock was double locked and I always only ever close it once.
Everything went way to well the last week. Of course, I can't have anything good in my life.
And here we are: Police in my apartment telling me that I have to go with the EMT's.
I found it hilarious that Matt and Luisa just stayed in the room while the police came in and even listened in for a bit. Did they really think that at this point they were in any right to be even near me now?
So I told them to piss off and talked with the Police guys. I was as compliant as I possibly could. Came with them and talked with the EMT.
They drove me to the hospital, and I was forced to talk with a psychiatrist. I insisted on my mental clarity and that there will be no attempt from my side anymore to do anything dangerous.
I really, really insisted on it as I had absolutely no plans to stay there for even one night.
After some back and forth I was free to leave and walked the 30 Minutes home rumbling to myself what a stupid idiot I am for even having "friends" like those.
Friends that don't know the least about you and the second you become a bit difficult sell your soul out to the devil.
Now I just came home. Checked my car and apartment for any type of recording devices because Katarina took her sweet time in my bathroom.
Probably searching for chemicals or bs like that but you never know...
I also knew the very second that I entered my apartment when I came back from a little trip with a friend that someone has entered my apartment.
Because the lock was double locked and I always only ever close it once.
Well. Thank you again everyone from SaSu. You made my life a little more bearable and I am sorry that it had to come to this.
Sorry that I can no longer write stories out of my life for you.
Sorry that I got such sad excuses of "friends" that ratted me out the second they found about my not so jolly side that I usually show to others.
I am here now. Not wasting anymore tears.
I can't physically cry anymore. I have never felt this hollow and empty before.
Even that sadness in my brain is doing a quick break right now just for it to be replaced with an even worse feeling. I did not even know that it can get any worse. But I assume that I never felt betrayal like that before.
I feel just so hollow now. I don't have any wishes anymore. I don't even want to feel physical pain anymore.
Sorry that I can no longer write stories out of my life for you.
Sorry that I got such sad excuses of "friends" that ratted me out the second they found about my not so jolly side that I usually show to others.
I am here now. Not wasting anymore tears.
I can't physically cry anymore. I have never felt this hollow and empty before.
Even that sadness in my brain is doing a quick break right now just for it to be replaced with an even worse feeling. I did not even know that it can get any worse. But I assume that I never felt betrayal like that before.
I feel just so hollow now. I don't have any wishes anymore. I don't even want to feel physical pain anymore.
And to conclude this all now I want to say that I am done with my CTB wish.
I will no longer try to exit or anything. I will just suffer into each day until anything finally allows me to leave this world.
Thank you again SaSu
And sincerely: Fuck you again my old "friends". I wanted to write so much to each of you in my goodbye note. How much I loved to be with each and every last one of you.
I loved you guys so much, unconditionally and without any strings attached.
No matter what you would have told me I would have never even thought about doing something like this on any of you. This is the lowest of the low anyone can go.
Fantastic, really. Know that my relationship with you guys is completely and fully over now.
Hope you find solace in the fact that you took the only thing from me that managed to make my brain quiet down a little bit next to physical pain.
-----------
This account is officially disbanded now, and I won't make any further diary posts.
I might reply to some threads from time to time, but that is all.
Thank you all for reading the Diary of "truehappiness"
And I still wish for everyone here, even for my past "friends", to find their true happiness eventually. No matter if that is in life or death <3
Goodbye!
I asked the SaSu Mod team to change my name and I also changed my profile picture now, just in case.
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