Help my dad died

[bleedingbxnes]

happened yesterday. I had literally *just* gotten out of the "I'm going to die, I'm going to do it" mindset and was trying to put together the pieces.

I don't really know how I feel. tbh i just want attention, good or bad. someone could yell at me and i'd thank them. I didnt have a good relationship with my dad. He was homophobic and mean and he killed himself with alcohol and I've spent the past three years watching him do it. I begged him to stop. He'd been vomitting every 20 minutes and said he'd been puking up blood. I told him to quit the booze and cut out red meat and dairy. He didn't. He barely ate at all. He lost his job last year because he showed up to work drunk.

It also sucks because I've *literally* had FOUR deaths in the past month!!! Friend killed himself, two distant relatives passed of old age and its symptoms, and now this. And my uncle disowned me on Christmas. Sometimes I feel like I'm not supposed to get better. I guess I'm posting for some advice from other suicidal people, since most advice around me is pretty repetitive.

As a family member said, what a tragic waste of his life.

 

[Redacted24]

Hi, I'm so very sorry to hear about your losses. I can't imagine what that would be like. And even that much harder to see someone actively destroying themselves slowly, over time, before your eyes.

I guess that the only thing I could suggest is to try to firewall those losses from your own situation. We had a bunch of suicides and atempts in my secondary school...imcluding a girl I had a crush on...and at a time I was actively planning my own exit. I kind of inoculated myself from the grief they left and dissociated myself from that reality, just took my days and my timeline and plan for myself. Otherwise it would have been too much.
I doubt this helps, but just wanted you to know you're in a great community here, they have a lot of kindness and support.

 

[Hardcore_Henry]

i know loss well unfortunately, my condolences truly, its never fun to go through the experience of losing someone you care about. it's a very unique type of pain in my experience. i don't know if i can offer any advice that you haven't already heard, but im sure there are a few others here who are much more insightful that can listen and offer something substantial. (no joke people be dropping wisdom left & right)

 

[puella]

I don't think I can say anything that would actually make you feel better, but I'm sorry for your loss. I'm even more sorry for how hard the world is being on you; you don't deserve any of it. I hope you're still able to put together the pieces and continue recovering. If you want just want attention or someone to talk to, my PMs are open.

 

[Rack.-]

happened yesterday. I had literally *just* gotten out of the "I'm going to die, I'm going to do it" mindset and was trying to put together the pieces.

I don't really know how I feel. tbh i just want attention, good or bad. someone could yell at me and i'd thank them. I didnt have a good relationship with my dad. He was homophobic and mean and he killed himself with alcohol and I've spent the past three years watching him do it. I begged him to stop. He'd been vomitting every 20 minutes and said he'd been puking up blood. I told him to quit the booze and cut out red meat and dairy. He didn't. He barely ate at all. He lost his job last year because he showed up to work drunk.

It also sucks because I've *literally* had FOUR deaths in the past month!!! Friend killed himself, two distant relatives passed of old age and its symptoms, and now this. And my uncle disowned me on Christmas. Sometimes I feel like I'm not supposed to get better. I guess I'm posting for some advice from other suicidal people, since most advice around me is pretty repetitive.

As a family member said, what a tragic waste of his life.

After reading this my mind just went blank. Honestly, I don't know what to think at all. I don't know how I would cope with this if it had happened to me... But I'd feel devastated. I don't know how hard was it for you to talk about it but let me tell you that you are simply amazing for making the step.

I'm sorry if I don't have any good advice to tell you, but I'm almost certain that there was no "external force" that caused this so you won't be able to heal your wounds. As harsh as this may sound, it happened because it happened, and you are now to decide what you want to do...

I do feel however that this is being very painful for you, so if you need somebody to be there for you, to have a talk with, or just send you a virtual hug, please don't hesitate to reach out. And please take care as well. We might not know but I can already tell that you are much stronger than what you believe <3

 

[Celerity]

I'm sorry. That's a huge amount of suffering to take in. I can't imagine how you're feeling right now. My mom also drinks, and I don't know if it will ever get that bad for her, but I hope not.

 

[cryone]

this has just been on my mind ever since i read it. i cant even imagine your pain. it kind of hits home to me aswell. my dad is a chronic smoker and he has a lot of coughing fits now. i couldn't imagine losing him and seeing it progress so terribly all the while. i am so sorry. even from reading this post i can see the trauma you've suffered. im not sure what advice to give in this case except i am here for you if you want to talk. you deserve a better life.