Venting My crush is the only person who can give me the will to continue living, and she won't even interact with me anymore

[Lupgevif]

The worst he has done is liking social media posts and that could be easily mitigated by a block. About judging her friends and relationships, yeah, that is controlling and inappropriate, but it is not like he's telling his crush to stop hanging with them - again, he has not had any contact with her for over a year. Tell OP where are his mistakes and what he can improve, but literally saying "I'd fill a restraining order" is a harsh and aggressive way of approaching things, and will most likely cause unnecessary friction (which already happened, as he silenced you).

 

[justpeachy]

Except nothing he has done is enough to justify a restraining order. If someone ever filled one using this post as evidence, it surely wouldn't be accepted.

I don't disagree that you couldn't use just this post but my guess is this woman has had many more interactions with him and likely would be able to include more actions. I am basing this off the behavior in this post and signs that come up to me not only as a survivor of assault but a marriage and family therapist for 7 years that has extensive knowledge in relationships (both platonic and romantic). Based on this post (as this is all I have do view) and his own comments and perceptions, I just see many red flags as to several other posters it appears. The restraining order comment was hyperbole, I clearly don't know him and have no reason to file one. I was stating in so many words (read between the lines kind of thing and I should have been more clear in what I meant) that I can see why she might file one from this post (as I would be willing to bet my next paycheck that there have been other examples of this behavior that she has witnessed).

 

[Lmd]

The worst he has done is liking social media posts and that could be easily mitigated by a block. About judging her friends and relationships, yeah, that is controlling and inappropriate, but it is not like he's telling his crush to stop hanging with them - again, he has not had any contact with her for over a year. Tell OP where are his mistakes and what he can improve, but literally saying "I'd fill a restraining order" is a harsh and aggressive way of approaching things, and will most likely cause unnecessary friction (which already happened, as he silenced you).

I think @justpeachy made it clear that it was exaggerated. I don't understand why are you still focusing on that and creating drama desvirtuating the thread. Looks like you are more affected than the OP, what is weird.

 

[justpeachy]

The worst he has done is liking social media posts and that could be easily mitigated by a block. About judging her friends and relationships, yeah, that is controlling and inappropriate, but it is not like he's telling his crush to stop hanging with them - again, he has not had any contact with her for over a year. Tell OP where are his mistakes and what he can improve, but literally saying "I'd fill a restraining order" is a harsh and aggressive way of approaching things, and will most likely cause unnecessary friction (which already happened, as he silenced you).

I am not concerned that he silenced me. I honestly would prefer that. And did you not read the entire first paragraph? I did give him all that you stated I should. I also made a comment essentially calling him out on the bad behavior which he didn't like. I am sorry that offended him but once again I clearly was not the only person who felt there were some major red flags just by his post. It's not what he's said he's done that is the issue here, it's what he's writing about in regards to her. I don't know how else to explain it but it comes across very controlling and not willing to take no for an answer to still feel this strongly (see the comments he made about her friends) for someone that has made clear (as per his own words) that they aren't interested. I can only go by what he wrote and how that comes across. I can tell you now that if a woman read that (that he was talking about, that same woman) that she without a doubt would feel very uncomfortable and perhaps even alarmed. If someone can feel that way reading stuff you are feeling about them then there may be a problem that you really need to address? I hope that makes sense. I tried to explain it the best I can.

I think @justpeachy made it clear that it was exaggerated. I don't understand why are you still focusing on that and creating drama desvirtuating the thread. Looks like you are more affected than the OP, what is weird.

Thank you & yes I would certainly be glad for this whole conversation to be over given I feel that I have explained myself more than properly for anyone who is concerned about that comment.

 

[Into The Void]

@justpeachy I think both of you have some good points. A restraining order seems a bit excessive for OP over social media posts. Everyone knows that the way we act on social media isn't how we necessarily act in real life in person. She could have blocked him. Given that I never pushed myself into my GF's life. I think OP needs to get over this already. There are many fish in the sea. This isn't something to commit suicide over, but I suspect that OP has something much deeper going on in his life than just this lady.

 

[OblivionSeeker]

Hell, my husband barely wants anything to do with me. We've been married 8 years, lived together for 20. I get a grand total of approx 10 minutes a day of his time and attention. If I try to talk to him, I usually get grimaced at, or even snarled at. We're both at home, in quarantine. It sure would be nice to have someone to talk to. especially a normal husband.

 

[rs929]

Personally I find the idea of equating mental instability with danger (for third parties) very offensive, specially on a suicide forum

 

[MYStERY_Man]

Personally I find the idea of equating mental instability with danger (for third parties) very offensive, specially on a suicide forum

Why? Don't you think Elliot Rodger could have found his way here? OP is giving some very toxic vibes, it's important to recognize that.

 

[rs929]

Why? Don't you think Elliot Rodger could have found his way here? OP is giving some very toxic vibes, it's important to recognize that.

Yeah not fitting in this society probably leads to resentfulness. Half the forum probably emanates such "toxic vibes" of inadequacy. Should we see a potential Elliot Rodgers in every one of them?
Anyway, OP, I hate to sound like an old man, but.. I've been through this. You have a terrible disease, it's named ONEITIS. There's only one proven cure for this disease and its name is NO CONTACT. You should delete this girl from all your social media, your phone, your computer, everywhere. This will allow you to forget about her and move on with your life.
You most likely killed your chances with her, not because you seem like a psycho killer but because you are being needy, and neediness is a major turn off for women.
Send a PM if you wanna talk

 

[MYStERY_Man]

Yeah not fitting in this society probably leads to resentfulness. Half the forum probably emanates such "toxic vibes" of inadequacy. Should we see a potential Elliot Rodgers in every one of them?

No, only when they're emanating misogynistic ideas of envy, grandeur, normies and control.

 

[Good4Nothing]

OP gives off red flags not only to me but to several other peopl that have commented. It's a sense that we feel about someone in this case based off what he stated in his own words, that it's been a year, that she blatantly told him she was NOT interested, he kept "hearting" her posts until he finally realized maybe that's not okay (I don't know your gender but as a woman this is very very frustrating when you tell a man you are not interested, married etc and they refuse to get the point and keep trying to push themselves into your life), then he goes on about how all her friends are not good (not sure what makes him the judge of their character? Maybe he knows them personally, I'm not sure as he never stated that) and insinuates he would be a much better person to be in her life. That whole last section is just very controlling sounding and makes huge warning bells and bright red flags come up for me (and it appears several others in this forum that commented).

regardless, the restraining order content was hyperbole, sure, who knows if legally he meets that criteria. I can assure you that you dont know the whole story just as much as I don't know it. I was mostly giving my opinion on the many red flags for bad behavior in a relationship/partner and overall my gut opinion based off some of the disturbing things he wrote insinuating she shouldn't be friends with her friends, but be friends with him instead, which as a woman comes across very controlling to me and overall how that is worded quite literally gives me chills. Overall, I do know plenty about relationships (platonic and romantic) as I am a licensed marriage and family therapist and have been for 7 years now.

and not to say you are saying this or said this but it's really not anyone's place to tell me or any other person (I had said woman including cis/trans women but didn't want to exclude the men of the group that have had similar trauma from a man or woman) that we are "over reacting" or can't feel a certain way about this type of behavior. Many of us have suffered similar traumas or things far worse and as a result this type of behavior is much more visible to us.

edit: tried not to misgender anyone by insinuating other commenters on this were only female, if I missed any areas that I tried to change please let me know so I can correct as I mean no offense and would hate to misgender by generalizing.

I saw you liked my post.
I do not agree with you, sorry.
I should have used the sarcasm font, or a roll-eyes emoji.
Truth is I've had it up to my eyeballs with women here "red-flagging" lonely broken-hearted people.
You think he doesn't feel bad enough, you have to make it your job to beat him with a stick back into his lightless cave of self-loathing?
I thought we were done with this public shaming of socially awkward people.
I guess not.

 

[justpeachy]

I saw you liked my post.
I do not agree with you, sorry.
I should have used the sarcasm font, or a roll-eyes emoji.
Truth is I've had it up to my eyeballs with women here "red-flagging" lonely broken-hearted people.
You think he doesn't feel bad enough, you have to make it your job to beat him with a stick back into his lightless cave of self-loathing?
I thought we were done with this public shaming of socially awkward people.
I guess not.

If you are saying that I shamed him that inherently says you believe he did something wrong. Do you know the definition of shame? I'll provide it:

"a painful feeling of humiliation or distress caused by the consciousness of wrong or foolish behavior"

He didn't need to post all this, he chose to in a public forum. Don't post this stuff if you don't want opinions? Also, his behavior is absolutely not just "lonely broken hearted" behavior. You seem to be part of the problem too quite frankly for dismissing controlling, possessive, and refusing to accept no as an answer behaviors. Sorry not sorry. Have you ever been in a position where a man or woman refuses to take no for an answer and you get incredibly intimidated and scared? If you have I cannot believe you would say this behavior is just "lonely broken hearted behavior." If not, you don't get to give your opinion on if his behavior is okay and acceptable to someone that has trauma related to things he is actively participating in. It's quite rude.

I also will take back my like, absolutely no worries about that.

 

[ThrownAwayTom]

I feel like people need to lay off OP - everything is a learning experience and shit like this is worse than most other things. Nearly everyone experiences crushes, and it can be really easy for stuff like that to turn in to fixations if you're not as "socially immersed" as others.

Take it from me OP, doing things like hiding/muting her on social media feels hard (or even mean) at first but it really does help. You start to cut off the thought process before it starts, but it always sticks with you in some way.

You seem like a logical guy - look at the numbers. Is your one-life fixation and dream-partner this one person you know, out of 3.5 billion+ members of the opposite/same sex in the world? I could do with taking my own advice here, but if she made you feel some kind of way, there's a whole lot more out there that can do the same.

Fuck these people saying you're "projecting" and showing "red flags". Everyone does - you learn from this shit. Nobody is born like Minesweeper AI, knowing where all the red ones are by default.

 

[Death_the_kid]

@justpeachy shut up, you are the one that deserves a restriction order, puting down a poor guy in love and making His thread all about you AND your fears as a woman, this Is a place for love and comprehension not for your shitty couple behavioraul therapy, for sure you Split apart More marriages than you save, AND truly you are the type of woman that i avoid at all cost.

You are the one harrasing here should we put a restriction order on you? Liking comments AND histories in instagram Is no harrasment you damn fool, for some reason they are public, the girl can easely put her account in private if she want, really reading you put me on my nerves and you are the one that screams red flags everywhere.

Sorry for my shitty english im not good at It but this girl making a vent thread of this boy all about her And making statements Like the restriction order really make me angry.

And advice for you if you have nothing good to say better say nothing.

 

[StringPuppet]

The part about excessively heart-reacting all of her posts just sounds like a silly mistake that op can easily not make again.

The rest of the post sounds a bit more problematic though. You can't just claim you're the most compatible person for someone. If you were, you'd probably be with them. Despite your similarities you two must value wildly different things for you to hate the company she keeps to such an extent. It sounds harsh but it just doesn't seem like you two were meant for each other, but on the bright side you can use this as a learning experience for finding someone you're actually compatible with.

 

[SuicidalCurryBoy]

The worst he has done is liking social media posts and that could be easily mitigated by a block. About judging her friends and relationships, yeah, that is controlling and inappropriate, but it is not like he's telling his crush to stop hanging with them - again, he has not had any contact with her for over a year. Tell OP where are his mistakes and what he can improve, but literally saying "I'd fill a restraining order" is a harsh and aggressive way of approaching things, and will most likely cause unnecessary friction (which already happened, as he silenced you).

That commenter was a bitch.

 

[nasblue]

I met my crush while I was super-depressed. We both liked the same things. She was the only girl I had met who had read Frankenstein and Aristotle. We even hung out and took selfies and stuff.

When I showed my friends our pics, they all said "I think she likes you"

When I told her that I like her, she said "I have many reasons why I don't feel the same way about you."

I showed my friends the chat, and they said "It looks like she just doesn't find you attractive."

I messed up after that. I kept heart reacting to all her posts and it creeped her out. She never initiated a conversation after that. Eventually I stopped trying to talk to her, because I thought she would talk to me. She kept liking my instagram posts for about a year, and then suddenly unfollowed. We're still friends on facebook, but she barely posts there, I still follow her on instagram and check her stories. I stopped liking her posts. But I still view her stories, so she knows I exist.

The thing is, the people she hangs out with are utter retards and complete normies. I have no idea why she hangs out and interacts with them, but not with me. Specially since most them just give the vibe that they want to get into her pants or some shit. They're all middle class normies, who don't look like they even read.

I am the most compatible with her, and idk why she cut me off (okay, I know it's because I'm ugly) , but interacts with them.

One of my friends said that it's because normies are easy to keep at bay. That she knows how to handle them, but I'm too unstable for her.

I know this feeling and at least for me it turned out it was mostly my own projection and desperate clinging to any hope that made me even interested in her.

In hindsight I and many mutual friends came to the conclusion that she's just an awful person. And I feel like I wasted a lot of time on her but maybe that illusion actually helped me going for a while.

Also after getting over this I never really felt that way again towards any woman, only faded versions of this same complex/recognizing similar patterns.