My Cat

[iloveloving]

I don't want to leave my cat.
We love each other very much. I want to spend the most time with her as I can until death does us apart. I am her mommy and best friend, I have loved her since she was a baby, and it would be devastating for her if I left suddenly.

I cry all the time thinking about us. I'm trying to hang in there, love.

But I worry I cannot be strong enough for her. In life or death, I will always love you dearly, Sammy.

 

[mercybell]

My cats are the only thing really keeping me grounded as well. I am also unsure if I can keep going with how things are even with them by my side.

I just wish I could find a good place for them to go.

 

[_AllCatsAreGrey_]

That is so sweet OP. Thank you for sharing it.

I really relate to that feeling, or rather I understood it. My cat just passed away a couple weeks ago. I miss her so much.

A small feeling of solace that I had is that she was one of my binding relationships - ones that keep me here - and her leaving will make it easier for me to leave, at a time of my choosing.

I sincerely hope that you're able to hang on, together with Sammy. If you're not able, it seems clear it won't be without concern for her.

PS. Getting to the end of your message was intense, because our cat was also called Sammy. Her name was Samus.

 

[iloveloving]

That is so sweet OP. Thank you for sharing it.

I really relate to that feeling, or rather I understood it. My cat just passed away a couple weeks ago. I miss her so much.

A small feeling of solace that I had is that she was one of my binding relationships - ones that keep me here - and her leaving will make it easier for me to leave, at a time of my choosing.

I sincerely hope that you're able to hang on, together with Sammy. If you're not able, it seems clear it won't be without concern for her.

PS. Getting to the end of your message was intense, because our cat was also called Sammy. Her name was Samus.

Aw, Samus! I am sorry to hear about your cat passing. I can't even imagine without tearing up! I'm glad you stayed with her until her end. It makes it easier for the both of you. Bless your heart.

 

[hematomatema]

Same but for my dogs.

There's something obviously sad about thinking about your friends or family or lover being devastated at your loss but I've always felt that there's something more 'intense' about thinking about animals grieving the loss of their owner, even if they can't conceptualise death. I'd argue that makes it worse in our minds - they have no clue what happened to you, just that you're no longer around for them to love and vice versa, whereas people can at least grasp the idea of why you're gone. It's definitely a tough thing to overcome. I try not to think about it too much.

 

[iloveloving]

Same but for my dogs.

There's something obviously sad about thinking about your friends or family or lover being devastated at your loss but I've always felt that there's something more 'intense' about thinking about animals grieving the loss of their owner, even if they can't conceptualise death. I'd argue that makes it worse in our minds - they have no clue what happened to you, just that you're no longer around for them to love and vice versa, whereas people can at least grasp the idea of why you're gone. It's definitely a tough thing to overcome. I try not to think about it too much.

I agree, It's our inability to communicate that creates a barrier.

Our actions are our only communication between us, and leaving would speak for itself. I wish I could talk to her so she'd understand, but she will likely be kept with the assumption that I abandoned her. Staying is the only way I could keep that assumption away from her.

 

[ayla]

same. it sounds silly but when i was in my room waiting for my attempt that was 100% gonna work, my cat came in for her scheduled feeding lololll & thats when i decided to get "help" even if deep down i didnt want to

 

[PhDone]

Thank you for sharing. I feel the same about my cats. What on earth will they do without me. Its my biggest quandary. In constant suffering and anguish here, and they know and feel this too. What would they want for me. What do I want for them. They are my little angels and life companions.

So good that you shared this topic to let us talk about this.

 

[MsHelena]

I relate to this so much.
My cat passed away two months ago at age 19, and he truly was my only reason.

Leaving him was not an option, I was the only person he loved, and he only felt safe with me. So, no matter how things were for me at my worst I would not leave him.

There were a few times I felt trapped in this life because of this, but knowing how stressed, confused, and depressed he would be without me, I stayed for him. I had to. Now he is gone, and here I am. I'm "free" but I am in such deep grief I can't describe how much it hurts.

This freedom is both a relief as well as a little scary. There's nothing holding me here now.

I understand how you feel, OP. It's because we love them so much.

 

[PhDone]

I relate to this so much.
My cat passed away two months ago at age 19, and he truly was my only reason.

Leaving him was not an option, I was the only person he loved, and he only felt safe with me. So, no matter how things were for me at my worst I would not leave him.

There were a few times I felt trapped in this life because of this, but knowing how stressed, confused, and depressed he would be without me, I stayed for him. I had to. Now he is gone, and here I am. I'm "free" but I am in such deep grief I can't describe how much it hurts.

This freedom is both a relief as well as a little scary. There's nothing holding me here now.

I understand how you feel, OP. It's because we love them so much.

I felt like this too. Ive travelled a lot for work and always brought my cats with me. Would never even consider leaving them behind. But now I'm ill and just dont know I can keep going. Days are torture. Would never have thought I could end up in a position considering letting go and them being without me. I know its breaking their hearts too feeling me in anguish. Dont know how to reconcile this. Love them so much.

I understand the grief thing totally. And how scary it is thinking there's a step to be taken.

 

[MsHelena]

We really can't know what the future holds... what life will throw at us, and if or when it will become unbearable.

I understand the feelings of days being torture to the point where we start considering the unthinkable (leaving our cats behind).
Anyone who understands this pain knows it doesn't make a person a bad cat parent

 

[Leiot]

Sometime my cats are the only reason I don't CTB. I don't know what would happen to them after I was gone and the thought of them ending up in a shelter is too much to bear.

 

[iloveloving]

same. it sounds silly but when i was in my room waiting for my attempt that was 100% gonna work, my cat came in for her scheduled feeding lololll & thats when i decided to get "help" even if deep down i didnt want to

I wonder if our cats secretly know.

 

[ThatStateOfMind]

I wonder if our cats secretly know.

I definitely think they do tbh, I think they sense things.

Also you mentioning that you're her mommy made me think of this funny meme which I figured I would share



Additionally, I'm trying to hang on for my cat too, I feel your struggle

 

[PhDone]

We really can't know what the future holds... what life will throw at us, and if or when it will become unbearable.

I understand the feelings of days being torture to the point where we start considering the unthinkable (leaving our cats behind).
Anyone who understands this pain knows it doesn't make a person a bad cat parent

You're so right. Its constantly shocking to me to find myself here. Like Ive fallen into some dark alternative reality. I promised my cats (all rescues) a life of love and security. But I cant even achieve that for myself now. Insane what happens to us in life.

Thank you for putting those caring and compassionate words down.