Venting My brother is dying! I just want to crawl up and die next to him!

[dontwakemeup]

I'm so tired of my family dying and leaving me here! I just wish I could go with them. I just feel so alone in this world. I don't want to walk in this hospital knowing today I'll be saying goodbye forever. I just feel so sick.

 

[Ijustcantanymore]

Just spend as much time with him as you can. Tell him you love him. Hug him. Fill up the end of his life with love and closeness. Even if it's not typically the way you demonstrate it to each other. Be honest with each other about thoughts and feelings about this. Make sure you both get good closure. So that he can move on peacefully and you can let him go easier. Don't leave anything unresolved.

 

[FishRain3469]

I'm so very sorry to hear that, thoughts and prayers to you guys during this time. ♥ Godspeed.

 

[dontwakemeup]

I just want to OD at the hospital so we can leave together! Im afraid they will notice and save me. I just took my sleeping pills so I can rest and stop crying. Im not talking to my family because theyare mad because I said he is dying, which he is! I'll let them make all the decisions. I don't want to be a part of any decisions. I believe he should be a DNR-CC. He has no quality of life and will soon be a vegetable. I'm just so tired and feel sick.

 

[FishRain3469]

I absolutely cannot blame you for a Second, just go Ahead and do what You feel is best during this tumultuous time in you and your families life.

It's fairly irrelevant so if you wish not to answer I Understand. But was this a tragic accident of sorts, or terminal illness for your brother? Be Strong, you've Got this. Take care . ♥ ☀

 

[Alexandra_]

I'm so sorry. Hang in there. This world is so unfair to living beings

 

[Ijustcantanymore]

Also just a p.s.

We will be here for you. So keep us updated if you can.

*Hugs if you want em*

 

[dontwakemeup]

I guess you can only run from the truth for so long before you have to face it! It's been a long few days and he isn't doing any better and the outlook isn't great at all, but I already knew this day was coming. I'm only surprised he lasted this long.

He had a good day yesterday as I didn't go to see him but my family said he was happy and pointing to the door of his room as he wanted to leave. I was so tired and didn't go to the hospital but promised I would come today once I got off work and spend the night.

The calls have begun this morning. I was told he looks bad and my other brother feels it's about time. I'm at work and can't leave, I have no place to run and hide. I usually would abuse my sleeping pills right about now and fall asleep and deal with it later. Well, it seems this time, I have to feel this, it's no escaping as I try to hold back my tears at work.

I've decided once he's gone, I'm leaving too. I can't imagine watching another family member die. I can't imagine this life without him and I just can't do this anymore. If there was a way I could give him my life and I'd go, I would do it in a heartbeat! Unfortunately, we don't even get the choice to check-out in this life! This will hopefully be my last and final attempt. I only pray I can make it to the hospital to tell him I love him and I'll meet him on the other side.

I've already starting fasting to prepare myself.

 

[YandereMikuMistress]

I guess you can only run from the truth for so long before you have to face it! It's been a long few days and he isn't doing any better and the outlook isn't great at all, but I already knew this day was coming. I'm only surprised he lasted this long.

He had a good day yesterday as I didn't go to see him but my family said he was happy and pointing to the door of his room as he wanted to leave. I was so tired and didn't go to the hospital but promised I would come today once I got off work and spend the night.

The calls have begun this morning. I was told he looks bad and my other brother feels it's about time. I'm at work and can't leave, I have no place to run and hide. I usually would abuse my sleeping pills right about now and fall asleep and deal with it later. Well, it seems this time, I have to feel this, it's no escaping as I try to hold back my tears at work.

I've decided once he's gone, I'm leaving too. I can't imagine watching another family member die. I can't imagine this life without him and I just can't do this anymore. If there was a way I could give him my life and I'd go, I would do it in a heartbeat! Unfortunately, we don't even get the choice to check-out in this life! This will hopefully be my last and final attempt. I only pray I can make it to the hospital to tell him I love him and I'll meet him on the other side.

I've already starting fasting to prepare myself.

I'd do the same,,, as controversial as my response is..

 

[overload]

i feel you, my sense of suffocation has increased 50x since i lost a person that i've known on this forum. i can't take it.

 

[dontwakemeup]

i feel you, my sense of suffocation has increased 50x since i lost a person that i've known on this forum. i can't take it.

I'm so sorry for you. How long has it been? I started taking my antidepressants because I knew these next days would be difficult for me, of course it's too early for them to work. Maybe restarting them is why I feel so bad, but I had no other options to cope.

 

[overload]

she died two weeks ago, we've known each other since the first days of june but it got really deep the last days of june.
what kind of antidepressants?

 

[Kali_Yuga13]

I had a sibling go through terminal disease and die during the course of my membership here. Only a few months ago actually. The death process can be like a vortex and for a super sensitive or highly empathic person it can be hard to differentiate the atmosphere of another's death from our own death urge. For this reason I hope you push through and get a chance to say goodbye to him. Sometimes a loved one will hold on a few more hours or another day for just that reason.

 

[Worndown]

Death is the often ignored reality of life.
It will happen.
Enjoy the time we have with those close to us. Remember them after they are gone. They live on inside us.

 

[dontwakemeup]

she died two weeks ago, we've known each other since the first days of june but it got really deep the last days of june.
what kind of antidepressants?

In the end she got what she wanted, but it's never a good feeling when someone leaves you behind. This is why I don't like to build friendships on this site. The people here are great and we all connect on so many levels, but we are all on different stages of ctb or some just fantasize about it.

I previously took Prozac before when I was dealing with some very difficult times, it actually helped me so much. I decided to stop them after I tried to ctb on my last 2 bottles. Of course it didn't work, so my dr called them in for me

I had a sibling go through terminal disease and die during the course of my membership here. Only a few months ago actually. The death process can be like a vortex and for a super sensitive or highly empathic person it can be hard to differentiate the atmosphere of another's death from our own death urge. For this reason I hope you push through and get a chance to say goodbye to him. Sometimes a loved one will hold on a few more hours or another day for just that reason.

I will stay as long as he is alive. Once he is gone, I have no desire to be here anymore. I can't imagine life without him! It's confusing to me because I still have other brothers and kids to live for. I just dont want to keep going after he's gone. I just hope by time I get off work I can say goodbye and give him a big hug. What a terrible day this is. I'm happy he won't have to suffer anymore, but it's just too much. I thought about begging him to stay for me and I would help him and devote everything to help him get better but I thought, that would be so selfish of me.

 

[Foxcompany2nd3rd]

Ive always envied people that have strong and loving relationships with their families. My family and sibling relationship is very toxic and dysfunctional. They want nothing to do with me and probably cant wait till I unburden by CTB.

 

[Daphne]

I went through this with my brother and it is agonizing. I am so sorry. Don't do anything rash right now no matter how strong the urges. Surround yourself with family (unless they're toxic)

 

[dontwakemeup]

Ive always envied people that have strong and loving relationships with their families. My family and sibling relationship is very toxic and dysfunctional. They want nothing to do with me and probably cant wait till I unburden by CTB.

I always wished I had a large loving family too, but unfortunately I don't either. I'm sorry your family dynamic is toxic and you feel as though they don't want anything to do with you. I'm pretty sure if you were to ctb they would care. I'm sure they have no idea how you're feeling and what you're dealing with but there is always someone that loves you and will miss you. I wish there was a way for us to exit this life and be free from all this pain we endure everyday.

I went through this with my brother and it is agonizing. I am so sorry. Don't do anything rash right now no matter how strong the urges. Surround yourself with family (unless they're toxic)

He died yesterday and it was very hard for me. I tried to focus on him being free from his pain and suffering. I definitely had a plan yesterday, but I decided to keep going. I would hate for my children to grow up without me. My life is very hard and I just want out! Hopefully I don't have to live much longer, so I will keep going. Thank you for your response and what you wrote.