Venting My birthday is soon

[Iris Blue]

My birthday is in about 2 weeks. Basically ever since I can remember since I was diagnosed with depression I would always say to myself and everyone else I wouldn't make it to 23. I don't want to. For over a year straight and times on and off before I've been looking for ways trying to find the right method I can get tf out of here. Most of my struggles are where I want to make it as easy on my family and friend as possible and make sure they aren't the ones who find me. I would love to find SN but it is nearly impossible to get. There are ways I could try to find fentanyl laced m30s but I'm too afraid whatever dealer I contact will found out and get questioned and put in jail by police for my od. I wish I didn't care but I can't help but worry about everyone else instead.

Everything seems to be going so fast yet slow at the same time. I don't know why my mind was always set on this age (I wouldn't want to be here any longer anyways if I didn't have a set one in mind) but that's what I feel like needs to be done even if it means a more desperate less thought out attempt with something else then so be it. I feel so hopeless.

 

[TotallyTerrible]

it's so unfair all the struggles and hoops one has to jump to just to find peace. you're not alone in these feelings, i'm so sorry<3

 

[Iris Blue]

it's so unfair all the struggles and hoops one has to jump to just to find peace. you're not alone in these feelings, i'm so sorry<3

Thank you for your kind words. I wish you the very best too

 

[FuneralCry]

I really wish it's not so difficult for one to die on their own terms, to me it's so cruel and horrible how people cannot just have the option to easily die in peace. But anyway best wishes, I hope that you eventually find what you search for.

 

[melancholymallory03]

My birthday is in about 2 weeks. Basically ever since I can remember since I was diagnosed with depression I would always say to myself and everyone else I wouldn't make it to 23. I don't want to. For over a year straight and times on and off before I've been looking for ways trying to find the right method I can get tf out of here. Most of my struggles are where I want to make it as easy on my family and friend as possible and make sure they aren't the ones who find me. I would love to find SN but it is nearly impossible to get. There are ways I could try to find fentanyl laced m30s but I'm too afraid whatever dealer I contact will found out and get questioned and put in jail by police for my od. I wish I didn't care but I can't help but worry about everyone else instead.

Everything seems to be going so fast yet slow at the same time. I don't know why my mind was always set on this age (I wouldn't want to be here any longer anyways if I didn't have a set one in mind) but that's what I feel like needs to be done even if it means a more desperate less thought out attempt with something else then so be it. I feel so hopeless.

Happy earlly birthday in case I miss it

I'm wishing you peace on your journey and comfort in your method.

You deserved more from this world