Murdered or suicide?

[Worndown]

transitioning wont solve everything

It might solve enough to make a difference.

 

[BridgeJumper]

Kill me
Because I dont have it in me to do it and only gave myself injuries and ostracism from people

 

[AbsoluteNothingness]

Anything that can and will kill me/make me die and not exist at all in a 'quick' and 'reliable'/'guaranteed' way. (or whatever the fuck "me" "you" "she" "he" "they" "we" etc fcking means lmao). I dont give a fuck which one, as long as Im 100% (or whatever tf "100%" fcking means) guaranteed to DIE/to NOT "be"|"exist" in general AT ALL in the end. I dont have any "preference"/"choice", with both being 'murdered' [but not "tortured", i want to die and finally not exist at all as quick as possible, not just be tortured or whatever tf that means] or whatever tf that means and 'killing myself' Id finally 'leave'/'ditch'/'get rid' of/get the fuck out of the fucking 'flesh'/'meat suit'/'carcass'/'meat sheath'/'body' and would finally die, whether Im 'murdered' or killed by 'myself'. Id finally not "be"/"exist" in general at all nor be any fcking 'way'/'type'/'kind'/'form' etc of absolutely anything in general at all and wouldnt fcking 'have'/'be' any fucking "gEnDeR" nor any fcking "aGe" nor any fcking "vOiCe" nor any fcking "iDeNtItY" nor any fcking "pErSoNaLiTy"/"aTtItUdE"/"cHaRaCtEr"/"bEhAvIoR" or whatever the fck all that crap means of any type/way etc at all nor literally/basically any other fcking bullshit garbage crap damn shit like that in general at all, nor any fcking "hUmAn BoDy"/"bOdY" iN gEnErAl at all of any 'type'/'kind'/'way'/'form'/'shape' etc etc in general at all, NOR literally/absolutely/basically ANY other fcking bullshit garbage crap like that NOR in general at all, and wouldnt "eXpErIeNcE"/"kNoW aBoUt"/"dO"/"pArTiCiPaTe" iN/"lIvE"/"eXiSt iN"/"iNhAbIt"/"lEaRn AbOuT"/"bE pArT oF"/"bElOnG iN"/"bE iN"/"eXpLoRe"/"dIsCoVeR"/"eNjOy"/"pErCeIvE" etcetc nor literally any other fcking 'verb'/'action' etc in general nor whatever tf else in fcking general at all absolutely literally totally ANYTHING/ANYWHERE in general AT ALL, literally absolutely NEVER at all. the 'result' or whatever the fck "result" fcking means is the same in a 'way' and the other (death), thats why I dont 'choose' any of both in 'particular', as long as Im finally dead I dont give a shit what way/'method' was used. Absolute complete eternal infinite endless total plain pure literal nonexistence/nothingness/oblivion/NOTHING AT ALL is PRECISELY or whatever tf that means what/the only ""thing"" {****}[[[NOTHINGNESS/NONEXISTENCE/OBLIVION ISNT ANY "SOMETHING"/"THING" IN AT ALL. NOTHINGNESS/NONEXISTENCE ISNT ANYTHING AT ALL. "It" isnt anything at all. There isnt anything at all. You can't "imagine" what "nothingness is like/"looks" like"/you cant "imagine" nothingness/nonexistence because nothingness/nonexistence isnt anything at all, isnt anywhere at all. Theres absolutely NOTHING to "see"/"imagine"/"experience"/"perceive"/"feel" etc. Theres absolutely nothing that "exists" in any "imaginable"/"unimaginable" way/form etc at all. why the fuck do 'people' say "nOtHiNgNeSs DoEsNt ExIsT" lmfao of course "it" doesnt "exist", ITS NOT ANY "SOMETHING"/"THING" AT ALL, THERE ISNT ANYTHING AT ALL. that's the 'point', of course it DOESNT "exist", why the fuck does NOTHINGNESS/NONEXISTENCE has to "exist"/"be" "something"|a "thing"? just because there's a 'word' for it so i can refer to "it" and say that THATS WHAT I WANT AFTER DEATH/THAT I JUST DONT WANT THERE TO BE ABSOLUTELY ANYTHING AT ALL AFTER DEATH DOESNT fucking mean that ""iT eXiStS""/""iTs AlReAdY sOmEtHiNg|A tHiNg"" lmao
Only "something" can "exist". Of course nothingness doesnt "exist", thats the point lol. IT'S NOTHING. THERES NOTHING. That it doesnt exist (ofc it doesnt, it isn't any type/kind/way/form etc of literally anything in general in absolute all) doesnt mean that "I" wont just 'driff into'/'fall into' or whatever the fck that means lmao NOTHINGNESS/NONEXISTENCE//that NOTHINGNESS/NONEXISTENCE "iSnT pOsSiBlE" aNd tHaT yEs Or YeS tHeReS aNoThEr "sOmEtHiNg" aFtEr "ThIs" "sOmEtHiNg" lmao well whats what YOU want, NOT me. NOT just because whoever the fck wants tHeRe To Be SoMeThInG aFtEr dEaTh/aFtEr """"tHiS lIfE"""" (as if there were 'more'/'other' 'lives' and or whatever tf lmfao i fcking hope NOT, neither ANY "life"/"existence"/"consciousness"/"reality"/"perception"/"dimension"/"plane"/"world"/"planet"/"galaxy"/"universe" nor etcetcblahbla AT ALL in general of ANY type/way/kind/sort/form etc at all in general however the fck "it" is/can be, whatever the fck "there is"/"there can be", whatever the fck "happens"/"can happen" nor a looooooooooooooong etc. NOR basically absolutely literally totally completely practically entirely utterly [or whatever tf all those 'words' even mean] ANYTHING FCKING ELSE IN GENERAL AT ABSOLUTE TOTAL DAMN ALL WHATEVER/HOWEVER THE FCK "IT" IS/CAN BE OF ANY TYPE/WAY/FORM ETC NOR A LOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG ETC. ABSOLUTELY A N Y T H I N G A T A L L IN GENERAL. THATS FCKING IT. ITS. NOT. BECAUSE. OF. ANY. SINGLE. FCKING. DAMN. REASON. AT. ALL.) means "I" have to want tHeRe To Be sOmEthInG eLsE/tHeRe To Be sOmEthInG aFtEr DeAtH too lmao
I just DONT fcking want absolutely totally completely literally basically ANYTHING AT ALL. Nothingness isnt literally anything at all, there just isnt anything and never at all will, "it" just ISNT anything. "It" just isnt at all. Nothing "happens" and never will, theres absolutely nothing. So of course it doesnt "exist". Nothingness isnt any "something"/"thing" absolutely at all. Nothingness just isnt. neither "material"/"physical" nor "immaterial"/"abstract"/"nonphysical"/"ethereal"/"metaphysical" or whatever tf all that means of any type/kind/form/way at all nor absolutely anything else at all. Nothingness isnt neither "perceivable" nor "observable" nor "imaginable" nor "touchable"/"tangible" nor "measurable" etc or whatever the fuck all that fcking means nor anything else like that/in general. Nothingness just isnt. Absolutely anything at all.]]] {****} I 'intentionally'/'truly'/'literally'/'actually' [or whatever tf those 'words' fcking mean] want/have always wanted and always will and will always want to want/have always wanted to want NO FCKING 'MATTER' WHAT. so it doesnt 'matter' if I die by 'myself' or another 'pErSoN'. I dont care about the way of dying/stop existing, if with both I'd leave/get out of the fucking 'meat capsule'/'shell'/'flesh' or whatever the fck a "human body"/"body" in general fcking is I couldnt give any less of a fuck lmao and would finally DIE AND DISAPPEAR AND NOT EXIST AT ALL ABSOLUTELY LITERALLY NEVER AT ALL. What I want is the 'result', to just NOT exist at all, DEATH/NONEXISTENCE/ABSOLUTE ETERNAL NOTHINGNESS. I dont give a shit what/how was the 'process' to it, if it was "me" or another "person" or whatever the fck. What i care about and want is the END of the process, DEATH. The absolute literal end of totally anything/everything in general. I hope or whatever the fck "hope" fcking means that there WONT be absolutely ANYTHING at all after death. Death isnt absolutely anything at all, no "lIfE aFtEr DeAtH"/"aFtErLiFe"/"cOnScIoUsNeSs" or whatever tf all that means of any type/kind/sort/form/way/dimension/shape etcetc nor basically anything else in general at all of any type/way/kind/form/sort etcetc nor whatever the fck else in general at all, DEATH "is" just eternal complete eternal absolute infinite nothingness/nonexistence. A NOTHINGNESS THAT WILL ABSOLUTELY NEVER AT ALL END AND DOESNT HAVE ANY 'LIMIT' AT ALL AND ITLL NEVER AT ALL "BECOME"/"CONVERT INTO" ANY "SOMETHING"/"THING" AT ALL OF ANY TYPE/WAY/FORM/SHAPE/DIMENSION/'MATTER'/'ENERGY' ETCETCBLAHBLAH (NEITHER "material"/"palpable"/"physical"/"imaginable"/"measurable"/"perceivable" etc NOR "immaterial"/"intangible"/"abstract"/"nonphysical"/"ethereal"/"unimaginable"/"spiritual" etcetc) NOR LITERALLY ANYTHING FCKING ELSE IN GENERAL AT ALL.
I just want to be GUARANTEED or whatever the fuck that means to NOT EXIST AT ALL, i couldn't give any less of a damn fuck about anything/everything else lmao. I literally just want to simply NOT "exist"/"be" in general AT ALL, and thatd happen whether it's "murder" or "suicide" or any other way, so i couldnt care any less if its "bY mY oWn hAnDs" or "bY tHe HaNdS oF aNoThEr 'PeRsOn'" lmao. with both I wouldve 'ceased' to 'exist'/'be' and thats what i want, to just NOT EXIST AT ALL. Id finally disappear and not exist at all and finally wouldnt "be" absolutely anything/anyone/anywhere etc. What i want, have literally always wanted and literally always will want/want to want is to simply just NOT exist at all, NOT to "suicide"/"commit suicide"/"die bUt oNlY/sPeCiFiCaLlY bEcAuSe oF a ReAsOn" NO, there arent any reasons/causes in general at all of any type for fucks sake. There fcking aren't any, never at all have been any, never will.

I accept any of both (but 'murder' actually only if it's 'quick' like a *'shoot'/'bullet' to the 'head' or any other 'fast'/'instant' death in general [*although my 'parents'/'family' would be 'utterly'/'extremely' or whatever tf that means 'shocked'/'traumatized' and it'd be very 'hard' for them to 'overcome', much more than if I die any other way and blahblah. Fucking 'sigh'] that doesnt 'involve' or whatever tf that means 'too much' 'pain'. I dont give a fuck if 'someone' else kills me as long as i actually die, but if it's in a quick way. not being 'tortured' or whatever the fck that means in a 'slow'/'painful' death because id have to fcking 'wait' in the 'process' until Im fucking finally dead and its not 'instant' or at least fast. I just/only want/want to want has always wanted always will AND ITS NOT BECAUSE OF ANY REASON AT ALL to just not exist at all but ffs i dont want the 'process' for it to be fucking slow and or 'agonizing', or whatever the fck that means too. I want it to be as 'quick'/'guaranteed' as possible) as long as i finally just not exist at all NEVER AT ALL after it
I dont "want to die" and "bEcAuSe Of A rEaSoN aNd Or AnOtHeR". I want to just NOT exist at all/NOT 'experience' etc absolutely ANYTHING in general at all ffs, and it fcking isnt because of any reason at all. I dont want to "suicide"/"commit suicide"/"die because of this and or that other reason bUt iF iT wAsNt FoR tHaT i WoUlDnT wAnT tO dIe". Im not "suicidal", its NOT that i want to die ""bUt OnLy bEcAuSe Of A rEaSoN, iF iT wAsNt FoR tHaT 'rEaSoN'/'fAcToR'/'cAuSe' aNd Or WhAtEvEr ThE dAmN fUcK I wOuLdNt"" lmfao no, its fcking NOT because of literally any single fcking 'rEaSoN'/'cAuSe' etc in general at fcking damn all. I simply just dont want to exist at all/not 'be' absolutely literally basically anything anyone anywhere etc at all in general, ANYTHING. Nor 'experience' etcetc absolutely literally basically totally ANYTHING in general at all neither, no fcking 'matter' what/how the fck it is etc.

Or well, instead of choosing between "murder" 'vs'/or "suicide", i wouldn't choose any of both options and just directly simply completely totally entirely literally eternally disappear forever and NOT exist at all. (well, if just simply 'instantly'/'automatically' 'disappearing'/'vanishing'/stop existing at all [without having to fucking 'fight' the body's "sUrViVaL iNsTiCnT" {if i have "SI" or whatever the fck that means/is its only because i dont 'lIvE' 'alone'|I 'lIvE' with my 'parents', if i was in some 'place' alone without any 'risks'|'worries' of getting 'caught'|'someone' being 'around' and 'finding' me in the 'middle' of the 'attempt'|'sending' me to a fcking 'psych ward'|being on 'sUiCiDe WaTcH'|'tRaUmAtIzInG'/'sHoCkInG' my 'parents'/'family' etcetc nor any other 'risks' in general, I more than definitely WOULDNT have any "SI" at all thats for sure}/without the fucking 'requirement' of 'using' 'materials'/'objects'/'poisons' etc/without the fucking 'rEqUiReMeNt' of 'pRePaRaTiON'|'pLaNnInG'|'eFfOrT' and all that fucking crap in general/without the fcking 'risk' of getting 'caught'/being 'found'/being fcking 'sent' to a fucking 'psych ward'/being on 'sUiCiDe WaTcH' etc and all that fcking crap bullshit] was actually possible, which is isnt FUCKING UNFORTUNATELY!!!!!!!! or whatever the fck "unfortunately" even means lmao) Not "kill myself" nor "be killed", but directly just totally disappear instantly and literally simply just not exist at all absolutely never at all in any form any way any literally anything nor anywhere in general at all also of any type/way/sort/form/'mAtTeR'/'eNeRgY'/'dImEnSiOn'/'pLaNe' etc nor absolutely ANYTHING else in general at all.
Its NOT that """i "'dEsErVe' To DiE"/"i 'dEsErVe' DeAtH" aNd ThAtS wHy I sAy I doNt WaNt tO eXiSt""" ((as if DEATH """wOrRiEd"""/"""aFfEcTeD""" "mE" and it was a "'tErRiBlE' 'tHrEaT'"/"tRaGeDy"/"bAd lUcK" or whatever tf all that means for "mE" LMFAOOOOOO, as if "dEsErViNg DeAtH" meant/was a a """bAd"""/"""nEgAtIvE""" tHiNg fOr "mE" and it """aFfEcTeD"""/"""wOrRiEd""" "mE" LMFAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO DEATH has always been is and always be precisely WHAT I WANT/WANT TO WANT!!!!!!!!!!! THE ONLY "THING" ILL EVER/ALWAYS WANT/WANT TO WANT!!!!!!!! NOTHING FUCKING ELSE AT ALL NO FCKING DAMN 'MATTER' 'WHAT' NEITHER 'HOW' NEITHER 'WHERE' ETC THE FCKING DAMN FCK "IT" FCKING IS!!!!!!! i couldnt give any less of a damn fucking shit about literally anything/everything else in general whatever/however the fuck it fcking is/can be neither what type/way/kind/form etcetc it fcking is/can be, neither what the fck its fcking from/about/related to/in etcetc lmfao I just donte give a damn fuck and never will. DEATH/NOTHINGNESS/NONEXISTENCE/OBLIVION WILL ALWAYS BE THE ONLY "THING" ILL EVER/ALWAYS WANT/WANT TO WANT AND 'WISH'/'DESIRE'/'CRAVE' or whatever the fuck those 'words'/'verbs' mean SO MUCH AND THAT'S FCKING IT FOR FUCKS SAKE. WHY TF DO I YES OR FCKING YES HAVE TO 'WANT' "SOMETHING"???? I LITERALLY JUST DONT FCKING WANT ABSOLUTELY ANYTHING IN GENERAL FFS DONT WANT TO AT ALL AND DON'T FCKING WANT TO FCKING WANT TO, I LITERALLY JUST WILL NEVER AT ALL HAVE ANY FCKING "dEsIrE" NOR ANY "iNtErEsT" NOR ANY "nEeD" NOR ANY "cUrIoSiTy" NOR ANY "aTtRaCtIoN" or whatever the fuck all that fcking crap means lmao NOR BASICALLY ABSOLUTELY LITERALLY TOTALLY ANY OTHER FCKING BULLSHIT GARBAGE CRAP SHIT or whatever tf those 'words' mean too LIKE THAT/IN GENERAL 'FOR'/'ABOUT'/'IN' NOR GIVE ANY SHIT ABOUT NOR WANT NOR WANT TO 'DO' NOR 'EXPERIENCE' NOR 'KNOW' NOR 'ENJOY' NOR 'SEE' NOR 'LIKE' NOR 'vAlUe' NOR 'FEEL' NOR NOR 'EXPLORE' NOR 'kNoW hOw tO dO' NOR 'DISCOVER' NOR 'TRY' NOR 'LEARN' nor literally any other single fcking 'verb'/'action'/'sense' etcetc in general of any type ABSOLUTELY LITERALLY BASICALLY TOTALLY COMPLETELY DEFINITELY ANYTHING IN GENERAL AT FCKING DAMN ALL. ANYTHING AT ALL FOR FUCKS SAKE. AND THATS FCKING IT AND ITS FCKING NOT BECAUSE OF LITERALLY ANY SINGLE DAMN REASON OF ANY TYPE AT ALL. and i couldn't give any less of a shit if its not 'bElIeVeD'/'cOmPrEhEnDeD'/'uNdErStOoD' lmfao that will NEVER at all mean that """"iTs NoT tRuE""""/"""iTs iMpOsSibLe""", yeah [or whatever tf "yeah" even fcking means] """iMpOsSibLe""" because 'people'/'humans' fcking say so and fcking feel like it and have fucking INVENTED that tHeRe HaS tO/mUsT bE a ReAsOn wHy/cAuSe/sOmEtHiNg tHaT hAs MaDe Me "cOmE tO tHiS cOnClUsIoN"/"cOmE tO tHiS pOiNt" yEs Or FuCkInG yEs, thats why it's """"iMpOsSibLe"""" ))
**NOR that i want to die """"bUt bEcAuSe Of A 'rEaSoN'/'rEaSoNs' aNd tHeRe ArE 'cAuSeS'/'fAcToRs'/'eXpLaNaTiOnS' aNd Or WhAtEvEr ThE dAmN fUcK iN gEnErAl fOr It"""" No for fucks damn sake lmao its just fcking NOT because of ANY reason at all. I literally just|only/want want/want to want (have always wanted/wanted to want AND literally basically always will want and want to want NO fcking 'matter' what etc) to just NOT "exist"/"experience" etcetc/be "brought" to anything/anywhere at all in general ffs. And it's NOT """"bEcAuSe Of "sUfFeRiNg"/"pAiN"""" nor because of/for literally ANY other fucking rEaSoN/cAuSe/fAcToR like that NOR in general ffs. As if i gave a fuck if tHeReS "sUfFeRiNg"/"pAiN" or whatever tf that """"""nEgAtIvE"""""" 'thing'/type of 'thing' even fcking means or not and or bLaHbLaHbLaHeTcEtC any/whatever other """nEgAtIvE""" 'tHiNg'/tYpE oF 'tHiNg' or not or if what tHeRe Is/tHeRe CaN bE is any/whatever """"pOsItIvE""""/""""gOoD"""" 'way'/'adjective'/'thing'/type of 'thing' and or whatever the damn fuck in general lmfao. why the damn fck do I yes or fcking yes have to fcking 'cArE' for fucks sake fcking why???????!!!!!!!!! "iF yOu DoNt CaRe AbOuT aNytHiNg aT aLl ItS bEcAuSe Of A rEaSoN yEs Or YeS aNd ThErEs A cAuSe FoR iT aNd An ExPlAnAtIoN" "yOu DeCiDeD To NoT cArE AbOuT aNyThInG bEcAuSe ThAt WAy yOu dOnT 'sUfFeR' aNd dOnT hAvE tO 'wOrRy' aBoUt aNytHiNg aNd Or ItS bEcAuSe Of AnY oThEr ReAsON iN gEnErAl" lmfao (or whatever tf "lol" "lmao" "lmfao" fcking means too) sure, it's bEcAuSe Of A rEaSoN iN gEnErAl aNd Or ""sO i DoNt "sUfFeR"/dOnT hAvE tO "wOrRy" aBoUt AnYtHiNg"" (ive never at all/dont """sUfFeReD"""/"""sUfFeR""" any type of "sUfFerInG" in any single fcking damn way at all about absolutely literally totally basically anything in general at all nor """wOrRiEd"""/"""wOrRy""" about absolutely anything at all of any type etc, related to/about literally anything in general at all etc. So no lmfao its NOT because of that "rEaSoN"/"cAuSe" at all NOR basically because of absolutely ANY other fcking "rEaSoN"/"cAuSe"/"fAcToR" or whatever tf that fcking garbage bullshit crap means in general at all of any type nor related to/about ANYTHING IN GENERAL AT ALL FOR FUCKS FCKING SAKE) because you fucking say so and fucking feel fcking like it that iT hAs To bE bEcAuSe Of A rEaSoN/cAuSe AnD tHeReS aN eXpLaNaTiOn FoR tHaT yEs Or YeS
THERE ARENT ANY FCKING "rEaSoNs"/"cAuSeS"/"fAcToRs"/"eXpLaNaTiOnS" IN GENERAL AT ALL FOR FUCKS SAKE THERE FCKING ARENT ANY. and if it's not believed i simply just couldn't care less lmfao. I wont read any fcking assumptions anyway
I literally only want/have always wanted and always will want (and WANT TO WANT and again its fucking not because of absolutely any fcking reason) eternal absolute complete perpetual limitless utter literal endless pure plain total infinite [or whatever tf all those 'words' fcking mean] nothingness/non-existence/oblivion. Thats it. Nothing at all for all absolute 'eternity'. Literally n o t h i n g. To not "be"/"exist" in general at all, to not "experience"/"do"/"live"/"enjoy"/"explore"/"discover"/"participate in"/"know about"/"learn about"/"perceive"/"see" etcetc absolutely ANYTHING at all whatever and however the damn fuck it fucking is/can be, of any type/kind/way/form etc, whatever the fuck its fcking about, however the fuck it fcking works, from etc anything/anywhere in general at all nor a long etc. NOTHING ffs, absolutely NOTHING. I literally just dont fcking give a damn fuck about literally ANYTHING and i SHOULDNT be fcking forced/obligated to!!!!!! for fucks sake

 

[CatabolicSeed]

Murder if it's quick and/or painless, otherwise suicide