Motivation ctb 10/10, one day After 2/10...VERY BORING

[Defenestration]

It's really very painful One day I want to die at 10/10 or half a day...like if I had a gun next to me at 98/100 I would use it And the next day it's 2/10 and it just alternates...

The fact that I don't have a way to kill myself WHENEVER I WANT is painful And as I will have a unique chance to be able to escape from a 60 m roof next Monday/Tuesday .
they are not going to lend me the keys all the time to visit the roof. Or I could go there another time in 1 or 2 months (but it's been a very long wait) and then that's it.

Impossible to make a duplicate of the keys anyway, it's not the keys that they make a copy of in short

At the moment I no longer want to die at all, whereas yesterday I really did! But I know that my desires will come roaring back at the slightest little problem...and there is no solution to my problems

basically I would of course dream of sleeping and never waking up again but I'm tired of alternating between great motivation and no motivation to put my CTB into practice

 

[Defenestration]

Advices?
Give me energy/motivation to ctb

 

[Unknown21]

This is a really big problem, I'm also experiencing it now as my method is SN which cannot be implemented in a rush. So when I'm ready, I want to do it so badly, I can't because I have to do it at a specific time so that I won't be found, and when I plan to do it, I find myself hesitant, nervous, and a little afraid. Unfortunately, it is complicated, so I began to accept the idea that I must do it, even if I am hesitant or afraid, because deep inside me I want to do it, and it is the solution for me. The ideal, golden time will not come. If the fear and hesitation are not strong enough to prevent you from doing it and you can bear it during the implementation then do it (this is what I believe, you will never be 100% ready). I wish you peace.

 

[UKscotty]

That's why it's a last resort, we only follow through when all hope has gone.

I know that once I am ready, I will find a way in that moment.

Planning to CTB days or weeks away never makes any sense to me at all, we are either ready or we are not.

 

[cosmic-freedom]

I have experienced this too.The problem is the preparation.With a gun,I would ctb within minutes.But I need hours of preparation and explaining to do to my loved ones to keep them from finding out what I am doing

 

[Defenestration]

I want this motivation

 

[Redleaf1992]

I

This is a really big problem, I'm also experiencing it now as my method is SN which cannot be implemented in a rush. So when I'm ready, I want to do it so badly, I can't because I have to do it at a specific time so that I won't be found, and when I plan to do it, I find myself hesitant, nervous, and a little afraid. Unfortunately, it is complicated, so I began to accept the idea that I must do it, even if I am hesitant or afraid, because deep inside me I want to do it, and it is the solution for me. The ideal, golden time will not come. If the fear and hesitation are not strong enough to prevent you from doing it and you can bear it during the implementation then do it (this is what I believe, you will never be 100% ready). I wish you peace.

I feel you bud, sometime I wonder if SN actually prevents me attempting to CTB brcuase it's reauires you to maintain motivation for so long.