Help Months later, it's still not getting better, only worse

[Kanashiii]

Hey, I took a break from this situation helping things would get better and that I was just going through a bad phase but I mean, it's not going great at all. I'm now in debt 3500 for the car incident from a while ago as well as an additional 4-5k with smud for the electricity poles I hit (I don't have any form of insurance and don't even know how to go about this). I finally got a job but my hours are fucking ass and I hate it, I'm basically a kitchen bitch over there. I relapsed harder than ever, and to make it better, I'm on probation for even longer. I was just gonna use my whole next check to buy fake Percocets (they are for sure fentanyl laced the plug advised me) and just take them after Xmas. How would I be able to not be found during the whole night? And how would you guys ease the pain on loved ones? I know it's inevitable but I just can't, j really can't.

(Sorry if I violated any rules, it's been a while since I've been here)