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wren-briar

wrenbriar.gitlab.io
Jul 1, 2024
241
@timetodie24

Your appointment with your CPN is today, right?

How are you doing, both physically and with the urges and commands?
 
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SVEN

Enlightened
Apr 3, 2023
1,621
Truly hope you kept your appointment, unmet friend, and they're taking you seriously. Please try and be kinder to yourself. You really don't need to vex yourself about your being alive causing danger to us, we're fine. We care about you and hope things improve in your life.
 
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timetodie24

Enlightened
Apr 14, 2023
1,017
@timetodie24

Your appointment with your CPN is today, right?

How are you doing, both physically and with the urges and commands?
It was . I was honest with her . I was embarrassed but she was understanding. She called dr for advice about what I'd already swallowed. I then regretted being honest as the dr said mostly like will be no issues but still wanted me to go to a&e as a precaution. CPN tried to encourage me to go but I refused and we came to compromise that I will go to a&e if I start experiencing pain/any symptoms from it . As feeling fine physically atm, no issues. Still getting urges but not too many voices atm.
Thank you for asking xx
Truly hope you kept your appointment, unmet friend, and they're taking you seriously. Please try and be kinder to yourself. You really don't need to vex yourself about your being alive causing danger to us, we're fine. We care about you and hope things improve in your life.
i did thank you . Thank you for your kindness. We started looking at some info on voices and it was helpful to relate to others' experiences.
 
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wren-briar

wrenbriar.gitlab.io
Jul 1, 2024
241
I'm so glad to hear that you're feeling okay physically, had a good appointment with your CPN, and finding ways to address your voices and urges!

When do you see your CPN again?

Do you have any "homework" that will help you keep making progress, even if it's just itty-bitty steps each day, until you next see her?
 
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NoPoint2Life

Why is this so hard?
Aug 31, 2024
305
I think it sounds like your CPN handled it great
I am glad you are doing a bit better at least for now.
 
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timetodie24

Enlightened
Apr 14, 2023
1,017
I'm so glad to hear that you're feeling okay physically, had a good appointment with your CPN, and finding ways to address your voices and urges!

When do you see your CPN again?

Do you have any "homework" that will help you keep making progress, even if it's just itty-bitty steps each day, until you next see her?
I see her next week, on friday.
Not any homework. Still stage of understanding things rather than looking ar ways of coping atm
 
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opheliaoveragain

opheliaoveragain

Eating Disordered Junkie
Jun 2, 2024
1,212
I see her next week, on friday.
Not any homework. Still stage of understanding things rather than looking ar ways of coping atm
that makes sense, just take the coming days moment by moment. we're here for you. 🫂🌹

so proud of you for continuing to try even though a lot of us would agree that it's in no way easy. I keep you in my thoughts. i'm hoping they continue to do good by you this time round. hang in there.
 
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timetodie24

Enlightened
Apr 14, 2023
1,017
that makes sense, just take the coming days moment by moment. we're here for you. 🫂🌹

so proud of you for continuing to try even though a lot of us would agree that it's in no way easy. I keep you in my thoughts. i'm hoping they continue to do good by you this time round. hang in there.
Thank you so much ❤️






Threat of a&e didn't stop me for long as yet again swallowed something i shouldn't 🙃. Nothing harmful though so doesn't make much difference. Just same thing of getting medical attention if get any pain.
Can't sleep as don't want to face another day. So close to just giving into them
We all know that's best
 
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timetodie24

Enlightened
Apr 14, 2023
1,017
I really can't do this . It's getting worse. And I'm making world worse by staying. I need to go desperately asap.
 
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NoPoint2Life

Why is this so hard?
Aug 31, 2024
305
I was so hopeful after you met with your CPN.
Do you still think you "need" to go but don't actually want to go? Don't make any rash decisions just because you're having a bad day.
 
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timetodie24

Enlightened
Apr 14, 2023
1,017
I was so hopeful after you met with your CPN.
Do you still think you "need" to go but don't actually want to go? Don't make any rash decisions just because you're having a bad day.
Both need and want.
The system predicted a couple of world events recently, terrible things, proving its power. People have already died because of me and many more will. I have to stop that.
And I'm tired of waking up everyday with dread, dragging myself through. And the way things are heading i'd probably accidentally kill or seriously injure myself through sh anyway. Better to get job done properly in 1 go then go out that way.
 
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SVEN

Enlightened
Apr 3, 2023
1,621
I really can't do this . It's getting worse. And I'm making world worse by staying. I need to go desperately asap.

You know we are on your side, you have endured so much, so well. I have no words except you are kinda special to many on here.
 
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Whale_bones

Whale_bones

Experienced
Feb 11, 2020
292
I don't have the words either, just echoing @SVEN 's statement, you are special to many and I'm sending you my little cheery sunflower to put a moment of brightness in your day 🌻
 
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alltoomuch2

alltoomuch2

Wizard
Feb 10, 2024
666
I'm so sorry ttd24. I've been so wrapped up in my own minor issues I haven't been keeping up, was avoiding the SD section and hoped you were feeling better. I'm medically trained (don't want to say too much on the open SD thread) and even tiny little things will cause a perforation or blockage in your gi system. They'll clump together until they're a big spiky mass that has to be removed or they will perforate and you'll be in hospital. I know you're tired and I know you're a warrior but please fight the urge to eat these things even harder. Would it help to eat ice cubes or something instead?
I'm glad you had a good session with the CPN. They are the most awesome people aren't they? I'm gonna be watching the threads again now. I"m here for you, just as you are for me. Massive hugs to you my lovely kind strong friend. xxxxx
 
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opheliaoveragain

opheliaoveragain

Eating Disordered Junkie
Jun 2, 2024
1,212
morning from the gulf coast TTD. I know you're feeling a fuck ton of things right now. I respect your need and want to go, but i'm maybe stupidly holding out hope that this can get figured out. we all want to see you better than right now. obviously expecting any of us to fully get better is ridiculous and this wonderful place wouldn't exist otherwise.

please be careful with swallowing things. do you know if you've successfully passed anything you've swallowed? not to be gross, but if things aren't passing through, there's more concern bc that alone is very unlikely to kill. hugs hugs hugs 🫂
 
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timetodie24

Enlightened
Apr 14, 2023
1,017
You know we are on your side, you have endured so much, so well. I have no words except you are kinda special to many on here.
I don't have the words either, just echoing @SVEN 's statement, you are special to many and I'm sending you my little cheery sunflower to put a moment of brightness in your day 🌻
Thank you so much both of you for your kindness. It means so much . I hope both of your days are going/gone as well as possible ❤️
I'm so sorry ttd24. I've been so wrapped up in my own minor issues I haven't been keeping up, was avoiding the SD section and hoped you were feeling better. I'm medically trained (don't want to say too much on the open SD thread) and even tiny little things will cause a perforation or blockage in your gi system. They'll clump together until they're a big spiky mass that has to be removed or they will perforate and you'll be in hospital. I know you're tired and I know you're a warrior but please fight the urge to eat these things even harder. Would it help to eat ice cubes or something instead?
I'm glad you had a good session with the CPN. They are the most awesome people aren't they? I'm gonna be watching the threads again now. I"m here for you, just as you are for me. Massive hugs to you my lovely kind strong friend. xxxxx
None of your issues are minor at all, it sounds like you're going through hell. There's never any expectation or pressure for your to read or reply to my threads . And i understand your reasons for avoiding the SD thread so dw about me and keep avoiding it or block it if you need to , to protect yourself.
Ice cubes or something won't work as it's not to do with the sensation of anything. I just need to keep doing it to 'train' myself to swallow the things that i've been asked to.

I really appreciate all your support and kindness 🫂
morning from the gulf coast TTD. I know you're feeling a fuck ton of things right now. I respect your need and want to go, but i'm maybe stupidly holding out hope that this can get figured out. we all want to see you better than right now. obviously expecting any of us to fully get better is ridiculous and this wonderful place wouldn't exist otherwise.

please be careful with swallowing things. do you know if you've successfully passed anything you've swallowed? not to be gross, but if things aren't passing through, there's more concern bc that alone is very unlikely to kill. hugs hugs hugs 🫂
Thank you so much for all your support and encouragement.
No idea if passing it , only small things so most likely would miss them.
Hope you're doing as ok as possible, i know the election has been tough for you and really feel for you and everyone with some common sense in the US right now 🫂
 
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opheliaoveragain

opheliaoveragain

Eating Disordered Junkie
Jun 2, 2024
1,212
Thank you so much for all your support and encouragement.
No idea if passing it , only small things so most likely would miss them.
Hope you're doing as ok as possible, i know the election has been tough for you and really feel for you and everyone with some common sense in the US right now 🫂
you're so sweet, truly. thank you for being so damn thoughtful even though I knowwww you're going through it. everything feels like a virtual land mine with this shit.

I always have space for you, anytime. try to stay hydrated so things keep moving, as much as you are able to 🫂🫂
 
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Asleepatlast

Student
Sep 12, 2024
115
I have fully thought it through, considered all my options, the pros and cons, consequences, alternative views, professionals views etc.
I'm not that easily led or naive, I am confident in the truth and my plan.
What's the truth?
 
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timetodie24

Enlightened
Apr 14, 2023
1,017
What's the truth?
That there's a system that controls the world. I'm a glitch in the system, which leads to a series of a catastrophic errors. Many will die unless I follow the system's orders including ctb
you're so sweet, truly. thank you for being so damn thoughtful even though I knowwww you're going through it. everything feels like a virtual land mine with this shit.

I always have space for you, anytime. try to stay hydrated so things keep moving, as much as you are able to 🫂🫂
Thank you so much 🫂 always here if you ever want to chat too .




——-


Was determined to give my body a break today, nearly did it, was less than half hour to midnight gave in again ffs.
I guess try again tomorrow, all I can do. I feel so stupid, most people stop swallowing crap when they're a toddler.
My first time was 5 days ago yet done it daily since and i still don't fully understand why. It's all i can think about all day . It's not the things they told me to so need to move onto that . 'Tested' enough. It's stupid and pathetic.
 
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alltoomuch2

alltoomuch2

Wizard
Feb 10, 2024
666
That there's a system that controls the world. I'm a glitch in the system, which leads to a series of a catastrophic errors. Many will die unless I follow the system's orders including ctb

Thank you so much 🫂 always here if you ever want to chat too .




——-


Was determined to give my body a break today, nearly did it, was less than half hour to midnight gave in again ffs.
I guess try again tomorrow, all I can do. I feel so stupid, most people stop swallowing crap when they're a toddler.
My first time was 5 days ago yet done it daily since and i still don't fully understand why. It's all i can think about all day . It's not the things they told me to so need to move onto that . 'Tested' enough. It's stupid and pathetic.
You probably know this but it's a condition called Pica. Often caused by dietary deficiencies although obviously it's different for you. Are you managing to eat food as well and drink plenty of fluids? I hope you have a better day today. Hey, it's the weekend!!! xxxx
 
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timetodie24

Enlightened
Apr 14, 2023
1,017
Had alright day but still feel like shit. It was an easy day and i have a good life compared to a lot of people. Have relative staying this weekend but once they're gone I hope I'll find guts to end it. It's not just the voices, I can't do any of this. Life is exhausting and empty and pointless.
 
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pulleditnearlyoff

Student
Apr 26, 2024
179
Had alright day but still feel like shit. It was an easy day and i have a good life compared to a lot of people. Have relative staying this weekend but once they're gone I hope I'll find guts to end it. It's not just the voices, I can't do any of this. Life is exhausting and empty and pointless.
Yes it is 🫂
 
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alltoomuch2

alltoomuch2

Wizard
Feb 10, 2024
666
Had alright day but still feel like shit. It was an easy day and i have a good life compared to a lot of people. Have relative staying this weekend but once they're gone I hope I'll find guts to end it. It's not just the voices, I can't do any of this. Life is exhausting and empty and pointless.
Bless you. You must be exhausted. You've been dealing with all this for so long. And it doesn't seem like you get any let-up in which to rest. I wish your team would let you try some meds to just see if you can have a bit of a break. I know they're still assessing but surely they could give you something to at least let you sleep. Maybe your life seems pointless to you right now but I can tell you now you will be very missed on here if you go. I hope you have a decent sleep tonight xxxxx
 
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timetodie24

Enlightened
Apr 14, 2023
1,017
Bless you. You must be exhausted. You've been dealing with all this for so long. And it doesn't seem like you get any let-up in which to rest. I wish your team would let you try some meds to just see if you can have a bit of a break. I know they're still assessing but surely they could give you something to at least let you sleep. Maybe your life seems pointless to you right now but I can tell you now you will be very missed on here if you go. I hope you have a decent sleep tonight xxxxx
They did ask a couple weeks ago if I wanted to book in to see psych to discuss possibility of meds but said i wasnt sure so they've left it for now. I could ask it wanted but don't want to take any meds and my sleep isn't too bad atm, most nights I get enough for me.
it's always been pointless .
Thank you, you too xx
 
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cotton

cotton

If we could just re-focus...
Nov 6, 2024
72
nobody believes me because what your asking people to believe is just pure delusional

it's like me saying if i don't die tonight by 12 o'clock the whole world will end
it's clearly aload of delusional bs
They're talking about the disasters to do with their existence, they're talking about change... Can you not read the meaning in the art of their words?
I liked symbolism in your words and the meaning, it was like art. Very meaningful. Maybe you can try and change the system while you're still here, and avoid catastrophe.
I know no one believes me .
But soon I promise you all will see
The world is already shifting and there will be a complete system reset when I die.
Disasters are coming but I will stop the ones that have been caused by my existence.
Once I step into the highway, the whole world will understand the system.
You may think it's all BS now but that's because you haven't seen.
But you will.
And you will be relieved but angry at me for risking the system in the first place.
I am sorry but I don't expect forgiveness.
 
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timetodie24

Enlightened
Apr 14, 2023
1,017
They're talking about the disasters to do with their existence, they're talking about change... Can you not read the meaning in the art of their words?
I liked symbolism in your words and the meaning, it was like art. Very meaningful. Maybe you can try and change the system while you're still here, and avoid catastrophe.
Sorry but there's no deeper meaning, it's just my reality and I have to die
 
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cotton

cotton

If we could just re-focus...
Nov 6, 2024
72
Yeah I see that, but changing the system is very inspirational. I hope you can do it while you are alive to see the light of day again...
 
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timetodie24

Enlightened
Apr 14, 2023
1,017
Yeah I see that, but changing the system is very inspirational. I hope you can do it while you are alive to see the light of day again...
Opposite of inspirational . I promise you that I am evil and the world is falling apart because of me.
 
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cotton

cotton

If we could just re-focus...
Nov 6, 2024
72
But you feel you will change things for others, change the system, by destroying your evil. It sounds very symbolic. Can you make the ultimate sacrifice and transform your evil while you are alive?
 
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timetodie24

Enlightened
Apr 14, 2023
1,017
But you feel you will change things for others, change the system, by destroying your evil. It sounds very symbolic. Can you make the ultimate sacrifice and transform your evil while you are alive?
That's not possible sorry
 
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